Joke Thread II

[Keith Cocker]

Several times.

As we all know “A Virgin Sturgeon needs no urgin”

 

[kinverkid]

 

[Jameshow]

Go on. Rub it in!

Not rubbing it in, just a joke about another joke that was taken apparently word for word pages before ....

 

[dzj]

 

[gwaithcoed]

mechanic walks in to a pub with a set of jump leads over his shoulder.
Barman says i'll serve you but don't bloody well start anything

Alan.

 

[Blackswanwood]

 

[dzj]

 

[kinverkid]

 

[Pedronicus]

 

[gwaithcoed]

Q. Why is Mexicos Olympic team so poor.


A. Anyone who can run,jump or swim are already in the States.

 

[shed9]

Q. Why is Mexicos Olympic team so poor.


A. Anyone who can run,jump or swim are already in the States.

I'll go and get the popcorn just in case......

 

[Sandyn]

In light of the tracksaw versus the saw bench thread(s)
View attachment 130914

Even Jimi Hendrix got in on the argument!!

 

[dangles]

Two men, one old, one young, are pushing their trolleys around Asda when they collide. The old man says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old man says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her what does she look like?"

The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra, Long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?
To which the old man says, "Doesn't matter, let's look for yours!

 

[Linus]

Bloke down the pub says the increased petrol prices don't bother him as he always only puts £20 worth in!!!!

 

[Jones]

Bloke down the pub says the increased petrol prices don't bother him as he always only puts £20 worth in!!!!

Yes but this modern petrol is rubbish, I remember when £20 worth would last a whole week now it's only a couple of days.

 

[Phil Pascoe]

I remember when you could have filled eight or nine cars from empty for that.

 

[Sandyn]

When I were a lad, I would get up at 1am, walk 100 miles to the local docks with my £20 and buy a tanker full of oil, drag it 100 miles back to the farm and spend the afternoon heating it in an old hot water tank, but I got 8 million gallons for my £20!

 

[Henniep]

Bloke down the pub says the increased petrol prices don't bother him as he always only puts £20 worth in!!!!

Petrol to work cost me 400 four years ago. Still does.......I just take more sick leave!

 

[Paul The Bassman]

Wotchit!! I quite fancy Nicola Sturgeon

Baaaaaa!

 

[Sachakins]

To improve my fuel economy I threw out all the excess weight, especially the mother in law.
Great idea, but maybe should've stopped the car first!