Joke Thread II

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"Kane, to put England level in the World Cup quarter final" - BBC match commentator.
Pause for breath....
"Kane scores for England! Nobody does it better!"
"Never ever in doubt, was it? Not for a second" added Danny Murphy.

An hour-or-so latter, old Bill - one of those who wanders around the pub looking for somebody to irritate - sidles up to me, tuts and says "Bloody Kane, eh? Makes me spit, he does..."

Well, Bill isn't on his own. Both teams were busy gozzing away from the very start of the match!
 
An old lady was flying for the first time and was rather nervous. As she took her seat on the airliner she explained to the smiling hostess that she was worried about her ears popping. The hostess advised her that chewing gum would prevent that and handed her a pack.

Throughout the flight the hostess kept looking at the old lady to make sure everything was ok. She was pleased to see the old lady sitting there quietly, smiling contentedly.

After the landing when passengers were beginning to disembark, the hostess went to check on the old lady.
"The chewing gum worked fine", the old lady shouted, "but how do I get it out of my ears?"
 
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