Joke Thread II

[flying haggis]

 

[stuart little]

What happened? It got a Stuart Little rather than a (never can find Stuart's emoji)

That's my sort of joke!

 

[The_Yellow_Ardvark]

 

[Homeless Squirrel]

When a Guy meets a Woman he looks at her heart to see if a good person!.....................................
Not our fault her Boobs are in the Way!

 

[Homeless Squirrel]

Wife crashed the car again today.................She told Police the man she crashed into was on his mobile Phone and drinking a can of Beer!
Police said he can do what he likes in his own living Room!

 

[Alli]

I saw this old, very sad looking gentleman, as he bounced off the bonnet of my car.

 

[topchippyles]

 

[Jameshow]

View attachment 148690

I knew that feeling in HMP armley....!

 

[stuart little]

Found these today:-
A builder finds a skeleton in a cupboard with a sign around his neck; '1923 hide & seek Champion.'


The Belgian truck driver who drove to Calais, but on seeing the sign; 'Pas de Calais', turned back!


A woman walks into a pub carrying a duck & orders a couple of beers. The barman asks; "What are you doing with that pig?"
"It's a duck not a pig!"
"Pardon me, I WAS talking to the duck!"

#ths all ffolks#

 

[Amateur]

My Gran rang the police saying she'd had a chat to the bloke next door who had told her he was a local vigilante and that he was on his way to the local school to lock fifty kids in the school gym.
The police armed response team surrounded the school and then entered the gym, where they rescued fifty or so kids.
Questioning the vigilante at the station he confirmed he did have a conversation with my Gran,
Explaining that he was an invigilator holding fifty kids in the gym at the local comprehensive school during an exam.

The police thanked my gran for her vigilance to which she said, "I lost that many moons ago"

 

[Noel]

Found these today:-
A builder finds a skeleton in a cupboard with a sign around his neck; '1923 hide & seek Champion.'


The Belgian truck driver who drove to Calais, but on seeing the sign; 'Pas de Calais', turned back!


A woman walks into a pub carrying a duck & orders a couple of beers. The barman asks; "What are you doing with that pig?"
"It's a duck not a pig!"
"Pardon me, I WAS talking to the duck!"

#ths all ffolks#

Don’t understand any of those Stuart.

 

[AES]

Don’t understand any of those Stuart.

Don't worry Noel, he'll be delighted to explain them all!

 

[stuart little]

Don't worry Noel, he'll be delighted to explain them all!

OH NO! He won't!

Well it's that time of year.

 

[AES]

OH NO! He won't!

Well it's that time of year.

Well if it's THAT time of year altogether now "Oh YES he will"

 

[Keefy.]

What happened? It got a Stuart Little rather than a (never can find Stuart's emoji)

Stuartmusthaveacat!

 

[stuart little]

Well if it's THAT time of year altogether now "Oh YES he will"

OH NO! He won't!

 

[paulrbarnard]

Don’t understand any of those Stuart.

Ironically the Belgian one lost me

 

[The_Yellow_Ardvark]

 

[stuart little]

Ironically the Belgian one lost me

Ah - this was a French joke. I should Have said (with no disrespect) Irish trucker.

 

[Stan]

Ironically the Belgian one lost me

In the pre-PC days, French people would tell "Belgian" jokes in the same way English would tell Irish jokes, (and US-Polish, and most other nations having something similar...).

The joke is a play on words in the French language. The Pas de Calais is a region in Northern France. "Pas de.." is also a way of saying no to something. Eg "pas de moutarde" would mean "no mustard" if you were ordering a sandwich.