Joke Thread II
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SamG340
Established Member
Cozzer
Established Member
I might be getting old, but I do object to my children saying that I'm losing my marbles.
Just you wait 'til Christmas Day, when you all find your eggs under the bonfire...
Just you wait 'til Christmas Day, when you all find your eggs under the bonfire...
During my apprentiship I had to work nights.
We clocked in and brewed up from the large hotwater urn that was supplied and sat about chatting till the shift started.
One night a huge rat ran out from beneath one of the machines and under a duck board one of the skilled men was stood on.
He lifted it up but was unable to see the rat so he dopped it. On doing so the rat got crushed to death.
During the next break a discussion started about what to do with the dead rat.
Someone suggested putting it into an old guys gas mask bag that he used to bring his sandwiches in.
He hadn't joined us and sat reading his paper during breaks.
So thats what they did.
Wrapped it in a newspaper and stuck it in his bag.
The next night we were all sat about after clocking on drinking our brews.
The guys started nudging each other till one of them turned to the old boy and asked if he jumped out of his skin when he opened his sandwich bag.
He put down his paper and said, "Oh, I suppose you thought that was funny?"
Everyone started laughing at him.
"Well let you tell you. I washed and went to bed. My wife is very frail and the nervous type, so when that rat fell out of my bag while she cleaned it out, she screamed.
I jumped out of bed, ran down stairs and found her collapsed on the kitchen floor.
I called the doctor who had to come out and attend to her. She is now in bed after being given a sedative and her sister came over to spend the night with her while Im at work"
Everyone looked grim.
Then the culprit said he was sorry and everyone muttered the same.
" In the end it was quite funny" said the old boy.
"How's that?" one of them asked.
"Well I got my own back on you"
He then produced his own flask and poured a drink.
"I came in early tonight and put the dead rat in the hot water urn"
"Cheers"
And sure enough, he had.
True story.
Goss printing Press manufacturers. 1969.
We clocked in and brewed up from the large hotwater urn that was supplied and sat about chatting till the shift started.
One night a huge rat ran out from beneath one of the machines and under a duck board one of the skilled men was stood on.
He lifted it up but was unable to see the rat so he dopped it. On doing so the rat got crushed to death.
During the next break a discussion started about what to do with the dead rat.
Someone suggested putting it into an old guys gas mask bag that he used to bring his sandwiches in.
He hadn't joined us and sat reading his paper during breaks.
So thats what they did.
Wrapped it in a newspaper and stuck it in his bag.
The next night we were all sat about after clocking on drinking our brews.
The guys started nudging each other till one of them turned to the old boy and asked if he jumped out of his skin when he opened his sandwich bag.
He put down his paper and said, "Oh, I suppose you thought that was funny?"
Everyone started laughing at him.
"Well let you tell you. I washed and went to bed. My wife is very frail and the nervous type, so when that rat fell out of my bag while she cleaned it out, she screamed.
I jumped out of bed, ran down stairs and found her collapsed on the kitchen floor.
I called the doctor who had to come out and attend to her. She is now in bed after being given a sedative and her sister came over to spend the night with her while Im at work"
Everyone looked grim.
Then the culprit said he was sorry and everyone muttered the same.
" In the end it was quite funny" said the old boy.
"How's that?" one of them asked.
"Well I got my own back on you"
He then produced his own flask and poured a drink.
"I came in early tonight and put the dead rat in the hot water urn"
"Cheers"
And sure enough, he had.
True story.
Goss printing Press manufacturers. 1969.
Doug B
Shy Tot
Does anyone remember the newspaper that gave vouchers towards a washing machine . Cost them a bundle of money ?
RIP Joke thread☠
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flying haggis
Established Member
flying haggis
Established Member
Would you fair any better at Sofa King in Northampton where the prices are “Sofa King Low”? 
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/ar...anned-8-years-sparking-police-complaints.html
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/ar...anned-8-years-sparking-police-complaints.html
Doug B
Shy Tot
SamG340
Established Member
SamG340
Established Member
Got this record the other day... "The sounds of wasps" . Played it, didn’t sound anything like wasps!
Then I realised I was playing the bee side.
Then I realised I was playing the bee side.
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