Joke Thread III

[Cozzer]

A man was shopping in a supermarket when he noticed a woman looking in his direction. He went through the checkout and was walking to the exit when the same woman approached him.
"I believe you're the father of one of my children?"
Racking his brains as to where he'd seen her before, he remembered his mate's stag do a few years before, when he'd got off with a stripper.
"Look", said the man, easing the woman to the side. "I'm a happily married man with 3 kids but if it's money you want, we can come to some arrangement....er.....just as long as my wife never finds out. Do you follow me?"
The woman frowned, and slowly nodded.
"Just one question? Does the child look like me?
The woman said, "Yes he does. I'm his English teacher."

 

[Robbo3]

Real Men adverts

 

[stuart little]

A man was shopping in a supermarket when he noticed a woman looking in his direction. He went through the checkout and was walking to the exit when the same woman approached him.
"I believe you're the father of one of my children?"
Racking his brains as to where he'd seen her before, he remembered his mate's stag do a few years before, when he'd got off with a stripper.
"Look", said the man, easing the woman to the side. "I'm a happily married man with 3 kids but if it's money you want, we can come to some arrangement....er.....just as long as my wife never finds out. Do you follow me?"
The woman frowned, and slowly nodded.
"Just one question? Does the child look like me?
The woman said, "Yes he does. I'm his English teacher."

Struggled at first - nearly hit a 'stuart' - then the penny dropped - CLANGGG!

 

[Dolau]

View attachment 158299

Damn Experts again with their biased opinions

 

[Stan]

Defining "expert" :-

x is the unknown quantity,

a "spurt" is a drip under pressure,

so an x-spurt/expert is just an unknown drip under pressure.

 

[paulrbarnard]

Defining "expert" :-

x is the unknown quantity,

a "spurt" is a drip under pressure,

so an x-spurt/expert is just an unknown drip under pressure.

The ‘e’ implies they have environmental credentials.

 

[Sachakins]

Damn Experts again with their biased opinions

So if I eat 7 times a week I'm 7 times more likely to die, scarey thought.
So I'll eat them all on one day and decrease my chances of dying by 6.
I don't feel scared any more.........

 

[dzj]

I beat my wife at chess today
She's very competitive
Now there'll be no sex for 2 weeks
(So much for age and wisdom going hand in hand.)

 

[gwaithcoed]

I beat my wife at chess today
She's very competitive
Now there'll be no sex for 2 weeks
(So much for age and wisdom going hand in hand.)

So the answer is back in your own hands

 

[dzj]

 

[Jameshow]

I beat my wife at chess today
She's very competitive
Now there'll be no sex for 2 weeks
(So much for age and wisdom going hand in hand.)

I'd play badly!!

 

[Doug B]

 

[Cozzer]

Struggled at first - nearly hit a 'stuart' - then the penny dropped - CLANGGG!

"Nearly hit a stuart"!

Marvellous stuff, matey!

Good on ya!

 

[Doug B]

 

[MikeK]

I hope these aren't repeats.

 

[Cantungman]

View attachment 158377

The timing of this photo may coincide with cavalry efforts during the conquest of the Sudan where the last major British cavalry charge took place. It seems that not much has improved there since.

 

[Cozzer]

The timing of this photo may coincide with cavalry efforts during the conquest of the Sudan where the last major British cavalry charge took place. It seems that not much has improved there since.

Oh, I don't know.
At least we've got pneumatic tyres now...

 

[niall Y]

I believe they were available at that time ( 1898) Sorry, joke thread..........

 

[MikeJhn]

And so where whale bone corsets looking the size of her waist, no wonder woman used to Swoon (pass out) in days gone past.

 

[JimJay]

Has the Joke Censor been at work again?