Joke Thread II

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Hilarious, especially the bit about her actually being arrested for shop lifting - and her not being cross-eyed....or did I miss the "joke"?
I think you missed it JimJay.

She has extropia so her eyes point outwards so it would be impossible to make eye contact.
 
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Wife, at the Sunday breakfast table. She's playing thoughtfully with her breakfast cereal, and gazing occasionally at her lower legs, stretching out from under her silk dressing gown.
"Not bad", she thinks. Could do with a bit more of a tan, but still shapely.
"Chris..", she purrs.
"Mmmmmm?" replies Chris from behind his newspaper.
"Do you think I'm showing my age?"
Chris turns over a page, without putting the paper down.
"You still look 21 to me, dear..."
Silence for a few seconds.
"But it's important that I don't lose my looks, and have you wandering off, isn't it?"
"If you say so, dear..."answered Chris, now reading yesterday's football results.
"Well, you know Mandy next door...she's had a boob job, and claims that Bob is a new man with her..he's like an animal in bed...."
"Right. Interesting. By the way, I'm playing golf with Brian on Tuesday..."
The page is turned again.
"Well, I was thinking...we could afford the op, couldn't we? I mean, you used to like my breasts, didn't you?"
"I see Sheffield Wednesday won again..."
This stunted conversation carried on for another 20 minutes.
Eventually, Chris put the paper down.
"Look...we can't afford it. Stop mithering. Neither of us are in our 20s any more. It doesn't matter..."
But his wife continued in the same manner, until Chris finally broke.
"Look! Here's a cheap alternative! Grab some toilet roll every day, and rub your cleavage with it for about 5 minutes! After a month or two you might find that your breasts are bigger..."
"Really?! Would it really make my breasts large?!"
"Well", replied Chris, lifting the newspaper again, "It certainly worked that way on your ar5e..."
 
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