Joke Thread II

[stuart little]

And I genuinely struggled with this one for weeks: Venus by Shocking blue "Well, I'm your Venus, I'm your fire, at your desire".

It didn't sound like "Venus" to me. And what I did think it sounded like, might have filled his partner's desire

Cheers, Vann.

The police:- 'Massage in a brothel' - well, that's what we used to sing.

 

[Yorkieguy]

 

[Yorkieguy]

 

[Robbo3]

 

[Yorkieguy]

 

[Cordy]

..A plane spotter in London Heathrow says:
"The plane that just landed has Meghan Markle and Harry onboard.

Second plane spotter: "How can you tell?"

Plane spotter: "Well, they've shut down the engines but it's still whining!"
--------------
I can't believe it's Monkeypox season already.
I still have my Covid decorations up.

 

[dzj]

 

[Doug B]

 

[Jameshow]

News just in.

Festool have released a new chisel.

The new chisel in back and green colours is claimed to be the only chisel you will ever need, self sharpening, self adjusting in its width, and with terrific dust extraction facilities the festool maxichisel is the tool wood workers have been waiting for...

See the festool website for further information.... !

 

[IZZY]

News just in.

Festool have released a new chisel.

The new chisel in back and green colours is claimed to be the only chisel you will ever need, self sharpening, self adjusting in its width, and with terrific dust extraction facilities the festool maxichisel is the tool wood workers have been waiting for...

See the festool website for further information.... !

No good to me it's not self leveling and has no laser guide .

 

[quintain]

News just in.

Festool have released a new chisel.

The new chisel in back and green colours is claimed to be the only chisel you will ever need, self sharpening, self adjusting in its width, and with terrific dust extraction facilities the festool maxichisel is the tool wood workers have been waiting for...

See the festool website for further information.... !

What a wonderful new tool, how much will it be to hire securicor to look after it if I visit a building site.

 

[flying haggis]

If it doesnt fit on the track guide they can keep it............

 

[user 38384]

 

[dangles]

A plane was taking off from Dublin Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom: 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from Dublin to London. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax....OH, MY GOD!'


Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'

Murphy yelled, 'That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!'

 

[user 38384]

 

[graduate_owner]

If it doesnt fit on the track guide they can keep it............

Nobody has mentioned that it needs 3 phase electricity
K

 

[dzj]

 

[user 38384]

 

[Yorkieguy]

 

[Alex H]