Joke Thread II

[Cordy]

Three elderly ladies swim in the indoor pool. After two hours, the first one gets out and the lifeguard praises her: "Great!" She says: "Yes, I'm 70 years old and I was Irish champion in long-distance swimming" -

After three hours the second comes out and proudly says to the lifeguard: "I'm 80 years old and was European champion in long-distance swimming!"

After 4 hours, the third one gets out and says: "I'm 90 years old..." - "Yes, I know" says the lifeguard "and you were world champion in long-distance swimming!".

She replies: "No, I was a prostitute in Portsmouth, and worked both sides of the Channel"

 

[Doug B]

 

[mikej460]

It's the state of the art? Or it's art in a state? Or it's in a better state than our State!

State what you like...

 

[artie]

 

[Robbo3]

 

[dzj]

 

[stuart little]

View attachment 146044

 

[stuart little]

"How I escaped from Alcatraz" - Hugh D. Nee


I wonder how many of these I'll get

 

[Daniel2]

Don't worry about this one Stuart. I didn't really get it, unless it was a
really rubbish joke. Which means I did get it, but it was rubbish.

 

[Daniel2]

Auto correct

 

[Doug B]

 

[dzj]

I'd be surprised if there isn't an 'explain a joke to Stuart' app by now.

 

[Cordy]

Igor is waiting in line for several hours at his local Moscow bank to try to withdraw his money. He loses patience, and, furiously, ends up screaming “This was a stupid war. I’m going to go and kill Putin because he’s done all of this”

He goes to the Kremlin, fuming.

A few minutes later, he is back in line at the bank.

“Hey Igor, you came back” says another person waiting in line “what happened?”

Igor; “The line at the Kremlin is even longer than this one…”

 

[Thingybob]

If you want to use your emoji more often then try following the thread "Into the red" But dont forget your tin hat its a war in there

 

[Linus]

 

[Linus]

 

[Doug B]

 

[flying haggis]

 

[Alex H]

I look after plant pots and hanging baskets for celebrities, which means I tend to shrub holders with the rich and famous.

 

[Fidget]