Joke Thread II

[IZZY]

- In a similar vein as the spoty lady try this out .

5
55
555
5555
55555
Copy these no's out in this form on a clean sheet of paper .

Tell the subject they will be asked a random question and that it is NOT a maths question.
Write the word CARROT on a separate piece of paper without the subject seeing or being aware of an answer
Get your subject to read the no's out from top to bottom and then upwards to the top without stopping.
Repeat this at least 6 times until the subject is completely immersed in the no 5.
Then ask them to name a vegetable. NOT their favourite veg. It has to be a surprise question with no time to think of an answer.
My success rate so far is 23 out of 25 .
The reaction when you show them the answer is brilliant. Always assuming you are successful.

 

[Linus]

The guy who invented predictive text passed away yesterday.

His funfair will be next monkey..

....and as the man said "Long may he roast in p*ss"

 

[Yorkieguy]

To see the image, try looking at it for a bit longer, staying focused on the dot, then blink your eyes rapidly and you should see the image, You don’t have to look at the white square - you can look at a plain painted wall for example, such as the one where my desk is situated. Works for me.

 

[user 38384]

"Grammar"

Ha ha. Didn’t spot that ….

 

[user 38384]

Oooh, you b ugger! May I add:

Comma splice and unnecessary capital letter...

I sit corrected.

 

[Suffolkboy]

Hot damn. I might have to take a trip to the opticians as I still can't see anything but a white square.

 

[AES]

Hot damn. I might have to take a trip to the opticians as I still can't see anything but a white square.

Well then, paint your wall black!

(Hat,..............coat, door)

 

[Thingybob]

Thats

Hot damn. I might have to take a trip to the opticians as I still can't see anything but a white square.

Thats Vladimir waving his flag

 

[guineafowl21]

Hot damn. I might have to take a trip to the opticians as I still can't see anything but a white square.

The idea is to stare at the fixed point in the middle, so the image stays dead still. After a while, your visual system accommodates to it and starts to ‘subtract’ it, much like the blood vessels that run in front of your retina, in the line of sight. We can’t see them because their image is fixed, and so removed in post-processing.

When you switch the the white square, you should see, briefly, the white minus the negative image, which gives a positive image, ie the original photo.

The eye is an excellent example of evolution in action, in that it works well, but is a hash of bodges on bodges like this. Also a good example against a creator, for what type of engineer would run the wiring in front of the light sensor?, but I’ll move swiftly on.

 

[guineafowl21]

I sit corrected.

Aw, don’t beat yourself up - it’s only pedantry

 

[Blackswanwood]

 

[Pineapple]

Hot damn. I might have to take a trip to the opticians as I still can't see anything but a white square.

Your eyes Definitely Need to be checked, especially if you use Sharp Tools..........It's a Rectangle !

 

[John Brown]

Apologies for the poor grammer on the above, It came with the image.

Grammar?

 

[Pedronicus]

 

[Phil Pascoe]

Are the batteries flat, though?

 

[flying haggis]

No they are AA batteries not PP3.............

(fetching coat and heading for the door)

PS. where is the key that doesnt fit any lock in the house?

 

[Phil Pascoe]

And the key that you can remember where it's for .................. the front door of the house before the house before last.

 

[clogs]

the junk drawer in our house belongs to the wife.....
it's a no go zone for me.....hahaha....
am told it has the stock of sticky fly papers and the dogs nail clippers
but just wont go there.....
guess it's a bit like her hand bag....
Hermione of Harry Potter fame has something similar I believe..... lol.....

 

[Sachakins]

Sticky fly paper, have it too, thought it was only me, whoopie I'm not mental then, ????

 

[TRITON]

Are the batteries flat, though?

And for the elastic bands to be rotten, so you think AHA! Ideal thing, but then it snaps when you try to use it..
Staples for the stapler you no longer own.