Joke Thread 4

[nickds1]

Actually, the Latin for "many" is "multi"; "poli" is Greek....

Hence, "hoi polloi" - the many, the people, the masses. SWMBO teaches Latin & Modern Greek (and Arabic & French & Spanish & Italian etc.) so I'm never allow to get away with mistakes like that. "tic" or "tick" is the same in Latin as in English, so I'm led to believe...

 

[paulrbarnard]

Hence, "hoi polloi" - the many, the people, the masses. SWMBO teaches Latin & Modern Greek (and Arabic & French & Spanish & Italian etc.) so I'm never allow to get away with mistakes like that. "tic" or "tick" is the same in Latin as in English, so I'm led to believe...

Tick as in check mark or credit

 

[stuart little]

Hang in there Stuart - there's no show without Punch.

As Longfellow eloquently wrote:

Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

https://www.yourdailypoem.com/listpoem.jsp?poem_id=147
If you don't have rain, you don't get flowers!

Hope you have a better weekend.

David.

So do I! I'll carry on ship building, sod the TV!

 

[stuart little]

View attachment 170528

Same here -

 

[dzj]

 

[Sachakins]

Hang in there Stuart - there's no show without Punch.

As Longfellow eloquently wrote:

Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

THE REST YOU JUST FART AND BE WEARY

 

[MikeJhn]

Just to bring it back to a woodworkers level.

I wish I was a glow worm
A glow worms never glum
How can you be unhappy
When the Sun shines out your bum.

 

[TRITON]

Honey monster.

 

[Amateur]

I wonder who pays for the chipping of cats that have more than one home?

Dont be daft.
Its the Chip Shop.
We all know that

 

[Amateur]

Ill keep this short.
Can someone explain whats happened so far in the "Lazarus Project on TV" from the begining of the first series.

It appears short discussions going backward and forward intime are fine here during the joke intervals.
Please keep it to below 76 pages so as no one gets too upset.

 

[Amateur]

 

[kinverkid]

 

[Alex H]

 

[flying haggis]

View attachment 170495

or even better the rail replacement helicopter....

 

[John Brown]

View attachment 170549

That's nothing. Jeff Bezos emailed me to ask if he could relocate his main distribution centre to our living room. Apparently it would save them thousands in delivery costs.

 

[Jaco]

Black Panties

Sherry lost her husband almost four years ago and still hasn't
gotten out of her mourning stage. Her daughter constantly urges her to get back into the dating world.
Finally, Sherry says she'll go out, but doesn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies,
"Mama! I have someone for you to meet."

Well, it's an immediate hit. They really like one another and after dating for six weeks, he asks her to join him for a weekend in the mountains.

Their first night there, she undresses as does he.
There she stands nude except for a pair of black lacy panties, while he is in his birthday suit.
Looking at her he asks, "Why the black panties?"
She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."

The following night the same scenario.
She's standing there with the black panties on and he is in his birthday suit...except that he has a black condom over his erection.
She looks at him and asks, "What's with the black condom?"
He replies, "I want to offer my deepest condolences."

 

[Cozzer]

Ill keep this short.
Can someone explain whats happened so far in the "Lazarus Project on TV" from the begining of the first series.

It appears short discussions going backward and forward intime are fine here during the joke intervals.
Please keep it to below 76 pages so as no one gets too upset.

George.
It's about George.

 

[Robbo3]

 

[Jaco]

I hate frogs​

A guy goes to see the doctor, because he's been a little too "well-endowed', shall we say. In fact, it's 25 inches long. Can't get any women to have sex with him.
Anyway, the doctor says there's nothing he can do medically, but sends him to see a witch that he thinks might be able to help.
Witch takes a look at the problem (yikes!) and tells him to go to a particular pond, deep in the forest, and talk to a frog that lives there.
"Ask the frog to marry you and each time the frog says no, you'll be 5 inches shorter."
Worth a try, he thinks, and off he dashes into the forest, as anyone in this sort of joke would.
Finds the pond and sees the frog on the other side, sitting on a log. "Will you marry me?" he calls to the frog.
Frog looks at him, disinterested at best,and calls back, "No."
Guy looks down, sure enough, he's 5 inches shorter. Hey, this is great, he thinks-let's try that again. "Will you marry me?" he asks the frog. Frog rolls his eyes, and shouts back again, "No!"
Twitch-the guy's down to 15 inches.
Well that's still a bit excessive, he thinks.
Down another 5 would be perfect.
So he calls across again, "Will you marry me?"
Frog yells back, "Look - how many times do I have to tell you?
No.
No.
NO!"

 

[Doug B]