Another Joke
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Doug B
Shy Tot
Doug B
Shy Tot
niemeyjt
Established Member
The early bird catches the worm . . . but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Doug B
Shy Tot
bushwhaker
Established Member
What's the difference between hungry and horny?
Blonde: Where you stick the cucumber.
---
I'm trying to figure out how much I usually spend on a bottle of wine.
So far it's looking to be about half an hour.
Blonde: Where you stick the cucumber.
---
I'm trying to figure out how much I usually spend on a bottle of wine.
So far it's looking to be about half an hour.
A distant relative was an ambulance driver - he took a woman to A&E twice for a broken cucumber in an awkward place.
Doug B
Shy Tot
Doug B
Shy Tot
joethedrummer
Established Member
,, sure, some dick will buy it ,,
niemeyjt
Established Member
A cabbie picks up a Nun. The cab driver stares at her.
She asks him why he’s staring and he says “I’ve always had a fantasy to kiss a nun.”
She says “I’ll kiss you if you’re single and Catholic.” The cab driver says “I’m both!”
The nun says “Pull into an alley” The nun then kisses him in a way that would make a hooker blush.
Back in the cab, though, the driver starts crying. “I lied to a Nun. I’m married and Jewish.”
The nun says “That’s OK sweetie. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a fancy dress party”
She asks him why he’s staring and he says “I’ve always had a fantasy to kiss a nun.”
She says “I’ll kiss you if you’re single and Catholic.” The cab driver says “I’m both!”
The nun says “Pull into an alley” The nun then kisses him in a way that would make a hooker blush.
Back in the cab, though, the driver starts crying. “I lied to a Nun. I’m married and Jewish.”
The nun says “That’s OK sweetie. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a fancy dress party”
Meg Markle was visiting a primary school class. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meaning.
The teacher asked Meghan if she would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy".
So the the attention seeking soap star asked the class for an example of a "tragedy".
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills
him, that would be a 'tragedy'".
" No," said Meghan, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explained Meghan "That's what we would call a great loss."
The room went silent. No other children volunteered.
Meghan searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of tragedy?"
Finally, at the back of the room, a small boy raised his hand. In a quiet
voice he said: "If the aeroplane carrying you and your husband was
struck by a "friendly fire" missile and blown to smithereens, that
would be a tragedy.
"Fantastic!" exclaimed Meghan. "That's
right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says the boy "It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be a bleedin' accident either.
The teacher asked Meghan if she would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy".
So the the attention seeking soap star asked the class for an example of a "tragedy".
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills
him, that would be a 'tragedy'".
" No," said Meghan, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explained Meghan "That's what we would call a great loss."
The room went silent. No other children volunteered.
Meghan searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of tragedy?"
Finally, at the back of the room, a small boy raised his hand. In a quiet
voice he said: "If the aeroplane carrying you and your husband was
struck by a "friendly fire" missile and blown to smithereens, that
would be a tragedy.
"Fantastic!" exclaimed Meghan. "That's
right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says the boy "It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be a bleedin' accident either.
Doug B
Shy Tot
A young couple were walking arm in arm across Red square Moscow one evening, when it began to rain. A playful argument began as to whether it was snowing or raining. This went on for a few minutes without reaching any conclusion until:
Him: It's obviously raining. Look. See that soldier on guard over there, that's my friend Rudolf. He knows about these things. Let's go and ask him.
She reluctantly agrees. They go over and speak to Rudolf who after careful thought, concedes that it is raining. After all, one must consider the party line before making official announcements.
The man then turns to his love and says triumphantly "see! Rudolf the Red knows rain dear".
Him: It's obviously raining. Look. See that soldier on guard over there, that's my friend Rudolf. He knows about these things. Let's go and ask him.
She reluctantly agrees. They go over and speak to Rudolf who after careful thought, concedes that it is raining. After all, one must consider the party line before making official announcements.
The man then turns to his love and says triumphantly "see! Rudolf the Red knows rain dear".
Sachakins
The most wasted of days is one without woodwork
A wife was upset about her breast size, and ask her husband to pay for an enlargement.
"No need to spend all that money darling, you could just wipe them daily with toilet roll."
Why, is that an old remedy she asked
Well you've been doing it on your ass for years and its huge now.
Apparantly husband never saw what him,
"No need to spend all that money darling, you could just wipe them daily with toilet roll."
Why, is that an old remedy she asked
Well you've been doing it on your ass for years and its huge now.
Apparantly husband never saw what him,
flying haggis
Established Member
fixed it for you
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