Running out of time...

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Cozzer

Established Member
Joined
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Derbyshire
A couple of hours ago I was sitting on a park bench in bright but weak sunshine, watching the early morning frost gradually disappearing as the sun climbed, and keeping an eye on the labrador who'd decided to lie down nearby. He's literally 10 today, and feeling it, bless 'im. He's my fifth lab, the first chocolate, and has been a good 'un since he had his 'gearbox' removed some years ago. He's slowing day by day, and has recently stopped going upstairs, so the green lipped mussel and glucosamine supplements might be working, but maybe not quite enough. I doubt he sees another Christmas, let alone birthday.
Anyway, an absolutely glorious morning. Spring/summer, call it what you will. Bird song, and to a degree, peace and quiet.
And then it struck me....I'm running out of time as well.
This could be my last spring too.
Now there's a thought to conjure with...
I've lived more years than my father did, and only two short of the age my mother made. As far as I'm aware I'm fairly healthy, other than a bit of blood pressure and a right knee that feels like someone's kicked it on the cap. I live 'in fear' of leg cramps - not just calf, but sometimes in the ankle as well - and have suffered from two bad 'uns in the upper thigh before now. Like most folk in advancing years, I could get up tomorrow with an aching left wrist/whatever, for no discernable reason - it might last a couple of hours/days, and then disappear.
I suppose the answer - if there is one - is to 'live' today, just in case. Cut that grass, tidy that shed, finish that book - but there are so many 'unfinished' things I want to do, and I already know that I won't have time.
It's an uncomfortable thought...
 
Thats called life, taken for granted by so many and wasted by even more. The thing is that no one talks about getting old when you are a youngster, they do not want you to know about this stage of life because it would make many do things very differently and not follow the required route of work till you drop and pay your taxes.
 
Yep, things happen to remind you..... My gran just died at 97. My dad is looking noticeably older and im half way thru my life...... 😒 i feel like i need to change things and actually enjoy my time 🤷‍♂️

So i guess priorities are the thing to work on?
 
I lifted something, looking at my scrawny(ish) arms I thought hell, they look like the arms of a seventy year old man. Oh. hold on, December the fifth ...
But whatever people think you will have lived through the better years of life in the Uk, times when we were not so overcrowded, people could afford to live and we had not bulldozed our way through our countryside. Times when the countryside was still buzzing with wildlife and colorful butterflies, not bags of dog poo hanging from the bushes, discarded canisters of Nox and litter everywhere and yet they still call it progress !
 
I'm sitting here at the swingpark in the sunshine watching my granddaughter with a big smile on my face.

I watched a TV programme recently about the struggles many young families are having to pay for food and rent and energy and resolved to stop feeling sorry for myself.
 
But whatever people think you will have lived through the better years of life in the Uk, times when we were not so overcrowded, people could afford to live and we had not bulldozed our way through our countryside. Times when the countryside was still buzzing with wildlife and colorful butterflies, not bags of dog poo hanging from the bushes, discarded canisters of Nox and litter everywhere and yet they still call it progress !

don't forget the dung in the rivers...
 
I'm sitting here at the swingpark in the sunshine watching my granddaughter with a big smile on my face.

I watched a TV programme recently about the struggles many young families are having to pay for food and rent and energy and resolved to stop feeling sorry for myself.

Yes...but I didn't 'feel sorry for myself' this morning.
I suppose, if anything, I was/am frightened that I might not witness another beautiful spring/summer morning. I'm (almost) certain my labrador won't, but he has no concept of that...but I do.
I've been here for just over 70 years. I've done nothing of any import. In that respect, I've wasted it. I've not written a book that anyone will claim to have been brilliant. I've not written any music masterpiece that will outlive me by decades. I've not invented anything. I've not cured or saved anybody. I never sought fame or fortune, so I was at least successful in that!
I've achieved....not very much!
What a disappointment. In time, there'll be nothing to say I was ever here. How sad is that?!
 
You're probably totally unaware of the impact you've had on people though. You don't know that you haven't saved someone. Sometimes it can just be a simple "Hello" that changes someone's day, perhaps putting off something they were going to do, just to see if tomorrow is a bit better.

You have a granddaughter, I'm guessing she thinks you're the best. That's priceless.
 
I've been here for just over 70 years. I've done nothing of any import. In that respect, I've wasted it. I've not written a book that anyone will claim to have been brilliant. I've not written any music masterpiece that will outlive me by decades. I've not invented anything. I've not cured or saved anybody. I never sought fame or fortune, so I was at least successful in that!
I've achieved....not very much!
What a disappointment. In time, there'll be nothing to say I was ever here. How sad is that?!

I empathise being just a little under 3 score and 10.

Living each day as if it were the last suggests gross over indulgence - not my thing. Taking enjoyment from each day is - I feel no guilt about the simpler things in life - good food, a little alcohol, friends and family.

That I will become a statistic in humanities grand history bothers me not at all. 100 years after my death there will be no one left who knew me personally. I may appear subsequently as a link on a family tree - born mid 20th C, died mid 21st (it would be good to have another decade or so).

Reflect on the reality that those whose memory lives on beyond this are the exception - many achieving notoriety through being grossly unpleasant rather than supremely talented.
 
What's that old saying? When you come into the world, you are crying and everyone around you is smiling. Try to live your life so that when you die, you're smiling and everyone around you is crying.
Immortality isn't really leaving behind a legacy such as a top selling book or a piece of music, it's the memories you leave in your kids and grandkids minds.
 
You're probably totally unaware of the impact you've had on people though. You don't know that you haven't saved someone. Sometimes it can just be a simple "Hello" that changes someone's day, perhaps putting off something they were going to do, just to see if tomorrow is a bit better.

You have a granddaughter, I'm guessing she thinks you're the best. That's priceless.

No, matey.
Only a labrador!
No kids, no grandkids!
 
Yes...but I didn't 'feel sorry for myself' this morning.
I suppose, if anything, I was/am frightened that I might not witness another beautiful spring/summer morning. I'm (almost) certain my labrador won't, but he has no concept of that...but I do.
I've been here for just over 70 years. I've done nothing of any import. In that respect, I've wasted it. I've not written a book that anyone will claim to have been brilliant. I've not written any music masterpiece that will outlive me by decades. I've not invented anything. I've not cured or saved anybody. I never sought fame or fortune, so I was at least successful in that!
I've achieved....not very much!
What a disappointment. In time, there'll be nothing to say I was ever here. How sad is that?!
I had a similar convo with a howdens delivery driver. Ex wife, no kids, small flat and a dog, not many friends. Id guess he was late 60s. At the end of the day, we are all the equivalent of ants... or maybe, like in the matrix, a virus 🤣😆 but anyway, the important question is really wether you regret the things you did, not the things you didnt. I.e, if you purposefully ruined peoples lives, then your time here was negative.....
As said above, you may have impacted someone's life in a way you cant know......
It'd take too long to type, but i know of someone who was very successful, put all his effort into work, tonnes of money, retired and within weeks was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He felt that in the end his life was a waste. Was it? Who's to judge?

I guess youve still got time to have a legacy..... if you have a property or savings etc, you can choose where that goes..... a family member or a childrens hospital or whtever is important to you. If not, you could do a bit of voluntary work with the homeless or hospital or local groups ( we have one that ive been out with a few times, doing beach cleans, planting trees etc )

I wish i had the right words for you, but i dont know them. I can however imagine that most people, at some point, feel like they didnt 'make it' in life, even though in the end, nobody gets out alive 🤷‍♂️🤪
 
The legacy thing, name living on after I pop my clogs, is one of the reasons I started signing the things I make in the workshop. I also started keeping a notebook for the things I made too. It may not be a bestselling novel, but it's something that can be passed on to another family member, or to a keen young woodworker.
I'm guessing that some of the small companies that made hand tools back at the beginning of the last century were not at all concerned with legacy, but today they are considered collectable, and people dig in to their history.
And for those who feel like they didn't make it, just remember that even if you feel that way, the taxes and NI you paid will have contributed to an improved state of living for others (lets not get off topic and start moaning about welfare spongers and NHS inefficiency here though, save that for a different thread).
Contributing your knowledge to a forum like this also counts as leaving a legacy, in a way.
 
Yes...but I didn't 'feel sorry for myself' this morning.
I suppose, if anything, I was/am frightened that I might not witness another beautiful spring/summer morning. I'm (almost) certain my labrador won't, but he has no concept of that...but I do.
I've been here for just over 70 years. I've done nothing of any import. In that respect, I've wasted it. I've not written a book that anyone will claim to have been brilliant. I've not written any music masterpiece that will outlive me by decades. I've not invented anything. I've not cured or saved anybody. I never sought fame or fortune, so I was at least successful in that!
I've achieved....not very much!
What a disappointment. In time, there'll be nothing to say I was ever here. How sad is that?!
That’s true of the vast majority of us. If we live a basically honest and decent life, make some friends , be kind to our neighbours and family (and to dogs!!) that’s a life well lived in my book. We’re all for the everlasting bonfire, it’s how we walk the primrose path as Shakespeare sort of said 😀
 
Yes...but I didn't 'feel sorry for myself' this morning.
I suppose, if anything, I was/am frightened that I might not witness another beautiful spring/summer morning. I'm (almost) certain my labrador won't, but he has no concept of that...but I do.
I've been here for just over 70 years. I've done nothing of any import. In that respect, I've wasted it. I've not written a book that anyone will claim to have been brilliant. I've not written any music masterpiece that will outlive me by decades. I've not invented anything. I've not cured or saved anybody. I never sought fame or fortune, so I was at least successful in that!
I've achieved....not very much!
What a disappointment. In time, there'll be nothing to say I was ever here. How sad is that?!
I think you've done well to reach your 70s before your mid life crisis! I interpret your post as the question 'what is this thing called life all about?'. The answer you come up with, as there is no correct answer, will determine if you're doing it right, or should regret something!

Personally I'm still looking for my answer, but I've realised it is about the journey not the destination, as that is fixed for us all.
 
What's that old saying? When you come into the world, you are crying and everyone around you is smiling. Try to live your life so that when you die, you're smiling and everyone around you is crying.
Immortality isn't really leaving behind a legacy such as a top selling book or a piece of music, it's the memories you leave in your kids and grandkids minds.
Once the wokes have cancelled history nobody will be remembered so just be grateful for what you have. Wife and me get lots of pleasure from seeing grandchildren and as we don’t see them daily we can dedicate our time with them.
 
A couple of hours ago I was sitting on a park bench in bright but weak sunshine, watching the early morning frost gradually disappearing as the sun climbed, and keeping an eye on the labrador who'd decided to lie down nearby. He's literally 10 today, and feeling it, bless 'im. He's my fifth lab, the first chocolate, and has been a good 'un since he had his 'gearbox' removed some years ago. He's slowing day by day, and has recently stopped going upstairs, so the green lipped mussel and glucosamine supplements might be working, but maybe not quite enough. I doubt he sees another Christmas, let alone birthday.
Anyway, an absolutely glorious morning. Spring/summer, call it what you will. Bird song, and to a degree, peace and quiet.
And then it struck me....I'm running out of time as well.
This could be my last spring too.
Now there's a thought to conjure with...
I've lived more years than my father did, and only two short of the age my mother made. As far as I'm aware I'm fairly healthy, other than a bit of blood pressure and a right knee that feels like someone's kicked it on the cap. I live 'in fear' of leg cramps - not just calf, but sometimes in the ankle as well - and have suffered from two bad 'uns in the upper thigh before now. Like most folk in advancing years, I could get up tomorrow with an aching left wrist/whatever, for no discernable reason - it might last a couple of hours/days, and then disappear.
I suppose the answer - if there is one - is to 'live' today, just in case. Cut that grass, tidy that shed, finish that book - but there are so many 'unfinished' things I want to do, and I already know that I won't have time.
It's an uncomfortable thought...
Hello cozzer, I was really moved by that. Thank you for posting it. Like Baldkev I don’t think I have the right words for you but I don’t want you to think you’re shouting down a well. I’m 44 and reading your post is important. It affected my deeply this morning. Your dog loves you, draw something and go and make it as well as you can. I replied as the only video I have watched this morning was incidentally this,

.

I feel like the universe is telling me to get my s**t together!
 
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