Joke thread

[AES]

Worth £10 of anybody's money.
(It's actually Lynn with an 'e', by the way...._

Thank you. Haven't read for a long time and don't know exactly where it is off hand (it's actually a miracle that I remembered most of the lady's name)!

 

[John Brown]

Should be "Eats roots, shoots and leaves."

Ah yes! The old wombat joke!

 

[Cozzer]

Eats shoots and leaves is the punchline to an old joke.

Hear about the psycho who escaped from the asylum, hid in a laundrette, sexually assaulted some customers and then legged it before the cops got there?
The headline in the newspaper read

NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS

 

[paulrbarnard]

Further to the 'Oxford comma' business, there are many examples of how confusing grammar and punctuation can be.

"Oh, for God's sake!", he ejaculated.
as opposed to
"Oh, for God's sake!". He ejaculated.

Not forgetting the old chestnut regarding helping Uncle Jack off a horse....

Current usage has the punctuation inside the quotes
“oh, for God’s sake!,” he ejaculated. Or is that Chicago style guide?

 

[Turnr77]

Should be "Eats roots, shoots and leaves."

Err, no not the one I heard, I always assumed that was maybe where the book title came from.

 

[Turnr77]

And there was no wombat, but a lady of the night

 

[John Brown]

The lady.of the night shouted "wombat" out of the window at the fleeing "customer" who had omitted to pay her for feeding and "servicing" him.

 

[John Brown]

The lady.of the night shouted "wombat" out of the window at the fleeing "customer" who had omitted to pay her for feeding and "servicing" him.

It only makes sense if you understand that, in Australia, the word "root" denotes sexual intercourse. Let's see what the filter makes of that.

 

[Blackswanwood]

 

[Phil Pascoe]

Worth £10 of anybody's money.
(It's actually Lynn with an 'e', by the way...._

It does actually contain a few syntactical errors.

 

[dzj]

 

[Blackswanwood]

 

[Doug B]

 

[flying haggis]

 

[Doug B]

 

[dzj]

 

[Doug B]

 

[Cordy]

A woman walks into a Newcastle hairdresser's and asks "Can I have a perm please?"

"Aye, nee problem pet" says the hairdresser. "Ah wandered lernley as a clood....."

 

[Rustic Mike]

A woman walks into a Newcastle hairdresser's and asks "Can I have a perm please?"

"Aye, nee problem pet" says the hairdresser. "Ah wandered lernley as a clood....."

I keep telling airport jokes the doctor said it was terminal.

 

[Garden Shed Projects]

Why can’t owls mate when it rains?


They would be too wet to woo!!