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Cozzer

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At last!
After all the weeks and months of searching, applying and being interviewed, I've managed to get a job!
Not quite what I was after, granted...but it's a start.
Only temporary, for reasons which will become apparent - but hey!
It's with a local toy manufacturer, specialising in plastic toys for Halloween.
I'm going to be employed making their "Dracula" models.
I've been extremely lucky to get the job because it's only a 2-man production line, so I've got to make every second count...
 

Doug B

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The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for an answered prayer. Suzie stood and walked to the podium.
She said, "I have some praise. Two months ago, my husband, Frank, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Frank must have experienced.
"Frank was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain."
We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Frank's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place with metal staples." Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Frank.
"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "Thank the Lord, Frank is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."
All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.
A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Frank." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum."
 

AES

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"Eats shoots and leaves" (that's the title of the book, by, I think. Lynn Truss).

You can just sprinkle commas willy-nilly into the above title - which is after all, only four words - and come up with all sorts of ambiguities. Great fun
 
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Cozzer

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Further to the 'Oxford comma' business, there are many examples of how confusing grammar and punctuation can be.

"Oh, for God's sake!", he ejaculated.
as opposed to
"Oh, for God's sake!". He ejaculated.

Not forgetting the old chestnut regarding helping Uncle Jack off a horse....
 

Cozzer

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"Eats shoots and leaves" (that's the title of the book, by, I think. Lynn Truss).

You can just sprinkle commas willy-nilly into the above title - which is after all, only four words - and come up with all sorts of ambiguities. Great fun
Worth £10 of anybody's money.
(It's actually Lynn with an 'e', by the way...._
 
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