Joke Thread 4

[mc281]

No, just another government white wash!!!

 

[PhilTilson]

 

[Doug B]

 

[Amateur]

When I was eighteen I worried about what people thought of me.

When I was thirty-eight I didn't care what people thought about me!

When I was sixty-eight, I realised people weren't thinking about me at all...

Dont be sill now.
I've always thought about you.
From when you were a small boy and riding your first bike. The bruised knees and black eye from fighting at school
I remember your first girlfriend and the bitter divorce and the sex change that completely changed your outlook on life.
I remember those first high heels you bought and that night I had to take you to A&E when you fell off them and broke your ankle.
So dont fret.
I think about you every day.
I just for the hell of me can't remember your name.

 

[Amateur]

 

[Stan]

Dont be sill now.
I've always thought about you.
From when you were a small boy and riding your first bike. The bruised knees and black eye from fighting at school
I remember your first girlfriend and the bitter divorce and the sex change that completely changed your outlook on life.
I remember those first high heels you bought and that night I had to take you to A&E when you fell off them and broke your ankle.
So dont fret.
I think about you every day.
I just for the hell of me can't remember your name.

So it's been YOU all these years! I always knew they were watching me, but nobody would believe me.

I even tried the silver foil in my hat to shield my brainwaves, but it didn't work.

While you are there, can you tell me what I did with my motorcycle key back in '79?

 

[Amateur]

So it's been YOU all these years! I always knew they were watching me, but nobody would believe me.

I even tried the silver foil in my hat to shield my brainwaves, but it didn't work.

While you are there, can you tell me what I did with my motorcycle key back in '79?

I've got a list.
All the people who are invited into my rest home when the time comes.
Can I put your name down?

 

[Just4Fun]

While you are there, can you tell me what I did with my motorcycle key back in '79?

I sympathise, having had similar issues in the past. I have found a good solution is to take a bus home to get your spare key. HTH

 

[Doug B]

 

[Stan]

I've got a list.
All the people who are invited into my rest home when the time comes.
Can I put your name down?

Thank you for the compliment.

I have to warn you that I have a weapons-grade sense of humour. My bad habits include eating mushy peas, and I get violent if I don't have a regular intake of strong tea.

 

[Tris]

Extra bromide in that man's tea please, matron

 

[Stan]

Oooooh matron!
[Flares nostrils]

 

[Doug B]

 

[The_Yellow_Ardvark]

 

[Cordy]

Sir Pious was about to head off for the crusade so fitted his wife with a chastity belt.
Just in case he got killed in battle he gave the key to his best friend, Sir Whumpsalot.

As Sir P reached the edge of his lands, he turned to bid them adieu and spotted a rider at full gallop coming up behind - his best friend.

As Sir Whumpsalot pulled up his horse beside Sir Pious, Sir Pious asked what the matter was.

Sir Whumpsalot gasped out "Wrong key!"

 

[dzj]

 

[Doug B]

 

[flying haggis]

 

[Amateur]

 

[Robbo3]