Joke Thread 4

[Cozzer]

Half way across the Atlantic, the plane's starboard engines suddenly belched smoke and quickly burst into flame. No, there was not going to be a happy ending for this holiday flight...

Esme, sitting in seat 43A, suddenly realised that life had left her behind. Single, stunningly beautiful but still a virgin at 24, had turned her back on normal relationships (and a possible modelling career) in order to concentrate on accountancy and book-keeping. She, and all the other passengers, realised that this was it.
They were all going to die...

Her sense of panic grew at an alarming rate. How long could they keep in the air? How long had everyone got? She suddenly lost all her pent-up emotions, stood up and ripped her clothes off.
"Here, all you men! Who's going to satisfy my womanly needs! Who's going to make me feel like a real woman?!"
Stuart jumped up, ripped his shirt off and gave it to her.
"Here, will you iron this?"

 

[Alex H]

Many years ago when I was in the RAF, we would get manuals and documents with pages marked "THIS PAGE LEFT INTENTIONALLY BLANK" in them.


Today I downloaded an e-book from the library containing this;

 

[DRC]

The quality or "funniness" of jokes is definitely on a downward spiral lately.

 

[Blackswanwood]

 

[Stan]

Many years ago when I was in the RAF, we would get manuals and documents with pages marked "THIS PAGE LEFT INTENTIONALLY BLANK" in them.

Named squadron mugs were a thing in my time. Names varied from the witty: LOOSE ARTICLES, INTENTIONALLY BLANK, via edge cases such as AR$3 LOOTICLES, to things unprintable on public forums that you will just have to imagine.

 

[The_Yellow_Ardvark]

 

[The_Yellow_Ardvark]

 

[The_Yellow_Ardvark]

 

[dzj]

 

[Cozzer]

The quality or "funniness" of jokes is definitely on a downward spiral lately.

Get ready for a side-splitter from DRC.
Anytime you like, matey.
Away you go....

 

[MF1000]

I heard once of a rockstar who said that the next time he felt like getting married, instead he would just find a woman he didn't like and buy her a house. Much cheaper!

That rockstar was Rod Stewart

 

[Fergie 307]

Still like George Best's "I spent loads of money on booze, fast cars and women ...... the rest I just wasted"

 

[Amateur]

The quality or "funniness" of jokes is definitely on a downward spiral lately.

Expectations of instant gratification from non contributor springs to mind.

 

[Amateur]

 

[Amateur]

 

[stuart little]

View attachment 162707

None!

What did the Aardvark say to the taxi driver?

 

[Alli]

None!

What did the Aardvark say to the taxi driver?

One, the full stop in the question mark

 

[Jaco]

A ........ walks into bar​

A rope goes into a bar and orders a drink.

The bar attendant says, “Get out of here. We don’t serve ropes. Get lost.”

Dejected, the rope leaves and sees his mate. When his mate heard the story he said, “Wait here. I’ll get us in”, and walks into the bar.

The bar attendant immediately yells out, “Hey! You! Get out. I told your mate we don’t serve ropes in here. Go somewhere else.”

The second rope leaves but, instead of being beaten, he ruffles up his loose ends, folds himself up a little and re-enters the bar.

The bar attendant yells out, “Get out of here. You might have changed your appearance a bit, but you’re still a rope, aren’t you”.

“No. I'm afraid not”, says the rope.

 

[Jaco]

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.In honor of this holy season, Saint Peter said, you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on.
It represents a candle, he said.
You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, They’re bells.
Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, And just what do those symbolise?
The man replied,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
They’re Carols.

 

[The_Yellow_Ardvark]

https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news...ars-the-word-no-for-first-time-20211215215279