Jewish, Italian and Irish Grandparents and a few facts*
*The Jewish Elbow...*
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is
coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There
is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will
buzz you in. Come inside and the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with
your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your
elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?"
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my
"What . .. . .. .. You're coming empty handed?"
*Wise Italian Grandfather*
An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his
bedside, "Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome
plated ..38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex
"You lissina me, boy! Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna
have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of
"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with
another man. "Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'Times
An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino. She seemed
a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm
completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the
dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. "Yes! Yes!
I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and
her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I
don't know - I thought you were watching."
MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb,
..... but all men...
*Global Facts About Sex*
At any given moment:
FACT: 79,000,000 people are having sex - right now.
FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.
FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
FACT: 1 old person is reading emails and/or UKW!
You hang in there, sunshine!