Parrot joke

[Toscageoff]

Greetings

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?'

The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot.' 'Holy rubbish,' the guy replies. 'You actually understood and answered me!' 'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird.'

'Oh yeah?' the guy asks, 'Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?'

'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers.'

'Wow,' says the guy. 'You really can understand and speak English can't you?'

'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology.. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion.'

The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. 'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.'

'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!'

The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing. 'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the UPS man..'

'What are you talking about?' asks the guy.

'When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie.'

'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously. 'THEN what happened?'

'Well, then the UPS man came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.

'NO!' he exclaims. 'And she let him?'

'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over.....'

Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED?'

'Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!'

 

[Woodmagnet]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[Noel]

Try and laugh at least once.....

1. Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one
of them would have seen it.

2. Phone answering machine message - '...If you want to buy marijuana,
press the hash key...'

3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for
shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'

4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.

5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'No, the steaks are
too high.'

6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him
in.

7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you
can't, I've cut your arms off'.

8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.

9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the
craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak
and heat it too.

10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says 'I'll give you some cream for that.'

12. 'Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home' 'That's
like Tom Jones syndrome. 'Is it common? ' 'It's not unusual.'

13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog's cross-eyed, is
there anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a
look at him' So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks
his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.'
'What? Because he's cross-eyed? ''No, because he's really heavy'

14. Guy goes into the doctor's. 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up
my backside.' 'How's that?' 'Don't you start.'
15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!

16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you
give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster,
go for it.'

18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my Mum or
my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu?
But I think its Colin.

19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round.' The
other one says 'So are you, you fat bast**d!

20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid,
and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other
one off.

21. 'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So
that was nice.

22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in
several places' The doctor said, 'Well don't go there anymore'

23. Man goes to the doctor - "Doctor, I've a bar of soap stuck up my bum". Doctor says "that's life boy".

24. What do you call a man with a car on his head - Jack

25. What do you call a man with a number plate stuck to his head - Reg

26. What do you call a man with 2 seagulls perched on his head - Cliff

27. A man points to a revolving round plastic dish shaped object flying towards him and thinks "I know what that is, just can't think what it is". The object is heading straight for him and he still can't think what it is, it's on the tip of his tongue, then it hits him..........

 

[big soft moose]

6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him
in.

looking on the bright side at least he wasnt the victim of a cereal killer

 

[Noel]

6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him
in.

looking on the bright side at least he wasnt the victim of a cereal killer

Not a grain of truth in your post and you're trying to milk it for all it's worth.