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Lons

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A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony.....

On his first day there, he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around.

A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says 'Did you call for me?'

The man replies, 'No, what do you mean?'

She says, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.' Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

The man continues to explore the colony's facilities.

He enters the sauna and, as he sits down, he farts..... Within minutes, a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam-room toward him,

'Did you call for me?' says the hairy man.

'No, what do you mean?' says the newcomer.

'You must be new,' says the hairy man, 'it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.' The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, 'May I help you?' she says..

The man yells, 'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the £500 membership fee.'

'But, Sir,' she replies, 'you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities.'

The man replies................................


'Listen lady, I'm 70 years old. I only get an erection once a month. I fart 35 times a day!!'
 

Lons

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It was sent to me by a young lady in Sydney :shock: Not the same one I hope DW :wink:
 

devonwoody

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Lons":3d33cy4j said:
It was sent to me by a young lady in Sydney :shock: Not the same one I hope DW :wink:

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Lane Cove?

Mind you those Shielas are all lovely arent they?
 

Lons

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Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Lane Cove?
Mind you those Shielas are all lovely arent they?
Nope - Bondi :)

Not sure about your second comment :? There are some real sights around - not all bronzed beauties :lol:
 

woodbloke

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Lons":2u762u4h said:
There are some real sights around - not all bronzed beauties :lol:
...and you don't have to go very far in the UK to see them either. You can see all the lardies if you just have a stroll round your local town centre - Rob
 

Lons

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woodbloke":fds6sb4n said:
Lons":fds6sb4n said:
There are some real sights around - not all bronzed beauties :lol:
...and you don't have to go very far in the UK to see them either. You can see all the lardies if you just have a stroll round your local town centre - Rob
And the real sights are around our holiday destination in a few weeks time --- USA :wink: It is of course a worldwide affliction for both guys and dolls :lol:

No offence intended to the lovely ladies of OZ btw. I wouldn't dare - my sister in law would subject me to great pain and suffering!

Bob
 

woodbloke

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Lons":rmuj3bls said:
And the real sights are around our holiday destination in a few weeks time --- USA :wink: It is of course a worldwide affliction for both guys and dolls :lol:

Bob
Is it?...I'm not sure. Certainly in the UK we are the fattest/most obese in Europe (please correct me if I'm wrong). It seems that on the Continent there are a lot less obese folk and I saw none in Japan recently. Have a good hols in the US of A btw Bob - Rob
 

Lons

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woodbloke":2gtmuuw5 said:
Is it?...I'm not sure. Certainly in the UK we are the fattest/most obese in Europe (please correct me if I'm wrong). It seems that on the Continent there are a lot less obese folk and I saw none in Japan recently.
I can't be certain of any statistics Rob but did read somewhere recently that the States had the most obese population in the world. Stats can mean anything of course and I don't know if that was % of population or sheer number.

I think as said, you can see overweight people in any country and I saw my share in Italy a couple of years ago as well as in Oz and NZ. Some of these populations are of course heavy boned dispositions anyway.

Bob
 

whiskywill

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Lons":flw4vo3n said:
woodbloke":flw4vo3n said:
I can't be certain of any statistics Rob but did read somewhere recently that the States had the most obese population in the world.
It could well be true. I have recently been watching one of the digital food channel programmes called something like Diners, Dives and Drive In's. The portions they serve are huge and they seem to think that almost everything needs a slice of grilled cheese on top.
 

devonwoody

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I was once in a restaurant at Jackson Hole, all you could eat, the fellow at the next table ate a whole steer of spare ribs, he just kept asking for refills, even the paper tissues used was unbelievable. Words between management and customer were passed. :wink:
 

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