Joke Thread 4

[Sachakins]

In a recent study, the government doctors who were conducting studies on test drugs administered weekly doses of Viagra to an equal number of engineers and lawyers.
While the majority of the engineers achieved enhanced sexual prowess, the lawyers simply grew taller.

But those that couldn't swallow the pill, just got stiff necks.....

 

[Jaco]

There is a new birth control pill just for men.

It is a large pill and you stick it inside your shoe.

It makes you limp

 

[Cozzer]

There is a new birth control pill just for men.

It is a large pill and you stick it inside your shoe.

It makes you limp

Crikey!
It's been a while since hearing that one! That is an old 'un!
The first time I heard it was when I was a butler at Balmoral, and I remember the Queen cracking that joke at one of the informal dinner parties. A beautiful lady, with a wicked sense of humour!
In my mind's eye, I can see her now, in a gorgeous dark blue dress, setting off some stunning diamond jewellery....





I can't quite remember what Albert was wearing...

 

[Amateur]

 

[stuart little]

@Cozzer
...cabbie Fred Housego..

Took me a minute...

Me Too!

 

[stuart little]

I just read that Sperm Banks are sponsored by Merchant Bankers!

 

[cisamcgu]

 

[Cozzer]

Me Too!

Gasp!

No, Stuart, no!
Tell us it isn't so!

 

[Cozzer]

I just read that Sperm Banks are sponsored by Merchant Bankers!

I say!
Steady on, ol' bean!

 

[MikeJhn]

 

[Daniel2]

 

[Jaco]

The Vampire bat.​

A Vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood
and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and started hassling him about were he got it.
He told them to P off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in.
"Okay, follow me" he said and flapped out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.
Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a Forrest of trees.
Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.
"YES, YES, YES" all the other bats SCREAMED in a frenzy.
"Good " said the first bat, "because I f'n didn't."

 

[Amateur]

 

[Doug B]

 

[DougT]

 

[Doug B]

 

[stuart little]

View attachment 170959

Oh!

 

[bushwhaker]

Bill and Hillary (I don't know who are those) are at a Yankees home game, sitting in the first row, with the Secret Service people directly behind them.

One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to Bill. At first, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head: "No."

The agent then says: "Mr. President, it was a unanimous request of the entire team, from the owner of the team to the bat boy."

Bill hesitates but begins to change his mind when the agent tells him the fans would love it. Bill shrugs his shoulders and says, "Ho-Kay. If that is what the people want... C'mere Hilly baby."

With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of her pants, lifts her up, and tosses her right over the wall onto the field. She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming... "Bill... you f#@k!"

The crowd goes absolutely wild. Fans are jumping up and down, cheering, hooting and hollering, and high-fiving. Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd.

He leans over to the agent and says, "How about that, I would have never believed how much everyone would enjoy that!"

Noticing the agent has gone totally pale, he asks what is wrong.

"Sir, - the agent replies. - I said they want you to throw out the first pitch".

 

[Amateur]

Bit of a surprise yesterday when I realised Prince Harry has a job modelling for Tool Station Christmas promotons leaflet

 

[flying haggis]