My 11 year old niece has a smartphone- im angry

[ColeyS1]

So my niece has been wanting a mobile phone cause all her friends have one.
She lives with my elderly mum who hasn't a clue about technology so I suggested her first phone should just be a basic one that doesn't allow Internet connectivity. After a while I thought I'd get her a smartphone and make sure it was safe.
She always trying to put passwords on things and I'm forever having to unblock them for her.
It's her birthday today so I tried ringing her mobile to wish her happy birthday. I doubt she gets many phone calls so thought it would be a pleasant surprise. Turns out she's had a new smartphone for over a month and has a new number !!! WTF is that all about.
After a chat the other evening about how she'd like to live with me when my mum dies, no one seems it polite to tell me of her new phone, her new number etc. Im really dissapointed with the whole situation as I talked to both my parents about the dangers of the Internet. They've gone behind my back and kept it quiet cause they knew I'd be annoyed
What do I do now ?


Coley

 

[MattRoberts]

Find one of those sites that helps educate people about Internet safety for children - there's probably some hard hitting videos showing the risks of grooming and the like that might open their eyes.

Personally, I don't think restriction is the best way for kids. Tell them they can't do something, and they'll try to get around it. Teach them why they shouldn't instead.

Just my views

 

[ColeyS1]

Thanks for your reply. It's certainly helped change my view on how I've been handling things. I made her tablet kiddy safe but that comes with restrictions like she can't download her own apps.
I'll look into having a chat with her and taking the tablet off kid mode. Seeing how you worded it definitely seems like the best route instead of trying to lock down every single device in the world until she's 14 !!
Do you think they might have taught her anything at all about it in school or am I wise to make it a long 20 minute chat ?
I wanna keep her safe but also allow freedom. I just worry that I'm not there all the time to monitor keep an eye on what she's up to.
Thanks again

Coley

 

[MattRoberts]

The wife is a primary head - she says they've been teaching e-safety as curriculum for years now.

Apparently barnardo's are hot on it, so have loads of resources and topics on PANTS and SMART you can check out

 

[ColeyS1]

Ah man that's a relief ! So she'll only be needing a refresher chat then.
Much appreciated and relax

Coley

 

[Logger]

I believe there are apps that can ensure that block and protect from dodgy sites. I will check as I did this for my 12 year old. He had my old smartphone although like you I was concerned.

Other things worth looking at. If it is android, it will need a Google (gmail) account to access apps. I have put my gmail account on his phone so I can see any apps he tries to download. Also, you can make sure that the provider blocks a lot of dodgy sites. Vodafone has a thing where it will say a site is bad and not let you on it. It does not stop it though if you are on a WiFi connection.

As well as apps, when I set up my wifes new phone, it gave me the option of setting up parental controls which you can skip, but it does say you can set up later. I am not an expert but it will be somewhere in settings.

Depending on where it came from, you can take it into the store and they can do these settings to set the phone up. I was in the Vodafone store recently several times because of a broken phone and they were doing some stuff to a phone that was on three for a mother as she could not get to the store and when she asked how much to pay, they said no charge.

Hope that helps. My son only got a phone as his school is 20 miles away, and he catches trains or buses so it was needed. However, he is texting and talking to mates all the time about nothing mostly.

Nick

 

[Logger]

Just spoken to a friend who recommends this. Works for iOS and android.

https://www.qustodio.com/en/

Nick

 

[RogerP]

............ My son only got a phone as his school is 20 miles away, and he catches trains or buses so it was needed. However, he is texting and talking to mates all the time about nothing mostly.

Nick

Generations of children got to school without needing a phone.

 

[Logger]

............ My son only got a phone as his school is 20 miles away, and he catches trains or buses so it was needed. However, he is texting and talking to mates all the time about nothing mostly.

Nick

Generations of children got to school without needing a phone.

Why is it whenever I post on this site, someone has to question or immediately say I am wrong. All I was doing is trying to be helpful.

I shall tell my son he shouldn't have a phone and won't bother posting in the future.

Please ignore my advice as it is clearly all c**p

 

[bugbear]

............ My son only got a phone as his school is 20 miles away, and he catches trains or buses so it was needed. However, he is texting and talking to mates all the time about nothing mostly.

Nick

Generations of children got to school without needing a phone.

Generations of woodworkers managed without computers and internet forums.

And yet here we all are. (waves)

BugBear

 

[Wuffles]

............ My son only got a phone as his school is 20 miles away, and he catches trains or buses so it was needed. However, he is texting and talking to mates all the time about nothing mostly.

Nick

Generations of children got to school without needing a phone.

Why is it whenever I post on this site, someone has to question or immediately say I am wrong. All I was doing is trying to be helpful.

I shall tell my son he shouldn't have a phone and won't bother posting in the future.

Please ignore my advice as it is clearly all c**p

Aww come on Nick. You could have just pointed out that those "generations of children" didn't have mobile technology available to them, would have nullified any argument presented and made Roger look a little foolish for picking up on that from your helpful post.

Post count bullies mate, don't let them grind you down.

 

[NazNomad]

Next thing you know she'll have a Facebook account 2 years before she's allowed to.

 

[NazNomad]

Generations of woodworkers managed without computers and internet forums.

... and electricity.

 

[John Brown]

Generations of woodworkers managed without computers and internet forums.

... and electricity.

And wood. Remember when we had to make everything out of stone? Used to have to sharpen those chisels and planesevery 5 minutes...

 

[NickWelford]

You were lucky........

 

[porker]

When I was a kid there weren't any mobile phones BUT there were payphones and my Mum made sure I had 2p (see how old I am) to call home if I got stuck. Try finding one that works now! My Dad would then tell me to walk but thats a different matter. I now work in mobile technology and although there are plenty of apps around they are all fallible or don't cover all dangers. With my kids I try to be open in educating them about the dangers of the internet and not to take everything at face value. The dangers have always been there like the stranger offering sweets etc. its just access may be easier nowadays. I think an open relationship with kids where they can ask questions and you have some idea what they are doing is the way to go. Not easy I know and kids will be kids but unless we put them in a bubble I think there will always be a chance they will be exposed to undesirable things. I try to equip my kids with how to deal with it.

Sent from my SM-G920F using Tapatalk

 

[ColeyS1]

Appreciate all your thoughts guys.
It seemed like a big step and unnecessary risk, when she's already had alot to deal with at a young age. My other concern was her crazy mother who's not allowed to have contact without supervision,might look at this as a way to start communicating again.
Do you think it'd be unreasonable to every once in a while ask to take a look on her phone ?

Coley

 

[MattRoberts]

Can I take a look at your phone?

 

[MMUK]

She may be your niece but in all honesty, her having a smartphone has nothing to do with you. If her parents judged her mature enough to have one, then you should respect their decision.

 

[EssexChris]

She may be your niece but in all honesty, her having a smartphone has nothing to do with you. If her parents judged her mature enough to have one, then you should respect their decision.

I presume there are special circumstances in this situation.

My other concern was her crazy mother who's not allowed to have contact without supervision,might look at this as a way to start communicating again.

I can understand your concerns, especially with so many apps and things like Facebook, it can be very hard to stop people following every detail of somebody's life without that person being aware they being digitally followed.