Long time coming

[MMUK]

I need to get it out of my system, I've not really got anyone to talk to that isn't a friend of both my wife and myself which makes it difficult. I'm not looking for attention or sympathy, I just need to vent before I do anything stupid.

It's been on the cards for a while but I've finally decided to call time on my marriage and move back to Birmingham permanently. Three years sleeping on the sofa is enough!

I'd sort of got used to it and would spend most of my free time locked in the workshop away from her but it's just getting worse and worse. I'm going ******* potty with the constantly frosty atmosphere. There's so much work needs doing around the house so that's sort of trapped me here along with having 17 rescue rabbits to consider. But enough is enough, I can't take it any more without having a break down. I have occasions when I just break down and cry for no apparrent reason and it's getting more frequent so I have to do something now.

It's going to throw my life into turmoil again I know but that short term stress is preferable to what I'm going through now. I've a steady flow of work in Birmingham, not masses but it should just about cover my bills. I've an offer of a room with a friend and her OH in Erdington in exchange for doing all the work she needs doing in the house and garden. My tools and van will have to stay at my parent's house (that'll please them when I tell them). I'll also have to sort out my wife's car so I can have mine back, it's been off the road since end of Spetember as I was going to do the piston rings and valve stem oil seals along with the cam belt and other bits and pieces but weather stopped play.

Anyway, I've given myself a deadline of 31st January to make the move permanent. I'd originally planned to move out some time this year anyway but the situation has just gone from bad to worse. I know I'll have to pop back now and again over the coming months to sort out projects that I've already started like decorating and the garden. Even though I don't like the wife much at the moment I can't leave the house in the state it is, personal pride I guess. As far as I'm concerned divorce should be easy enough - she can keep the house, all I want is my own personal stuff like my car, van, DVDs/CDs, clothes and tools - I don't care about anything else, she can keep the lot.


I feel better already. Thanks for listening forum (hammer)

Right, I'm off to find the G&T.......

 

[cedarwood]

Glad you feel better for that, been there twice so you have my sympathy good luck with the move, life is too short to mope.

 

[carlb40]

Sorry to hear that, but after all that time it's probably for the best.


Good luck with the rabbits, if you need some recipes? :lol:

 

[MMUK]

Worst thing is I'm having to sell tools as I won't have room for them all and I need the money

 

[Glynne]

I'm only up the road in Sutton if you fancy a pint anytime, just give me a shout.
Glynne

 

[KevM]

As far as I'm concerned divorce should be easy enough - she can keep the house, all I want is my own personal stuff like my car, van, DVDs/CDs, clothes and tools - I don't care about anything else, she can keep the lot.

Right, I'm off to find the G&T.......

Absolutely understand where you're coming from, I was in a similar place myself a lifetime ago, I'm now coming up on a very happy (although not without a few ripples) 15 year anniversary with my better half; you will emerge from the other side of this. I also went for the no quarrel route for an 'easy' solution, long answer short, that was just the beginning. Make sure that you don't give up ground for free, only to find yourself being bled white into the bargain. I walked away for my own mental health, I'm not a violent person but I could feel 'urges', in retrospect I gave up way too much - but financially I got back on my feet way quicker than I expected to, so for me the financial hit was worth the improved recovery time. Although I do still find myself thinking, 'now where's that CD...'.
One word, not of advice, but caution - I went on a 6 month bender and behaved like an arsehole - my drinking buddies were now married, with kids - I caused a bunch of trouble for some good friends by not respecting their situations. If I were to do it all again, I'd still go on a bender - but I'd leave my credit cards at home!

Good luck, take care of yourself.

 

[doorframe]

. As far as I'm concerned divorce should be easy enough - she can keep the house, all I want is my own personal stuff like my car, van, DVDs/CDs, clothes and tools - I don't care about anything else, she can keep the lot.

Unless there's kids involved (in which case their welfare and a roof over their head is 1st consideration) or you've been a right pineapple and deserve whatever comes your way, you need to rethink the above.

You have my sympathy. I couldn't imagine life without my Misses. Good luck.

 

[KevM]

Oops, I meant to add one thing. At the risk of sounding trite - have you discussed this with her? A good friend found his marriage on the brink, tried counselling, and things worked out. Both sides had become entrenched and needed some impartial space to work out their issues. They ended up giving up on a failing business, moving to a smaller rented house, rebooting basically - but without the struggle to maintain a pretty desperate situation they were able to get back on track without fighting each other.

 

[Harbo]

Sorry to hear of your troubles but think very carefully about giving up your house - you might regret it later if circumstances change and you set up a new life with someone else?

Seek advice.

Rod

 

[mark2191]

sorry to hear of you problems mate, you are not the only one though, I am not married but I am living with my partner for the past 8 years, I am the same as you, been sleeping on the sofa for some time now, only thing with me is I have a 4 year old daughter to think about and that is the only reason I am still here, chin up mate hope it all works out for you

 

[gregmcateer]

Sorry to hear that. Echo good wishes expressed in earlier posts.
Probably wise to take some advice before throwing away your share of the house, etc. Sounds silly now maybe, but if you can settle amicably and not be totally broke, it probably is worth the effort.
Best of luck.
Greg

 

[Preston]

Sorry to hear that mate, I do sympathize been there twice, third time lucky I guess or maybe I learned my lesson.
On hindsight, I would have tried harder the first time round, the grass really isn’t any greener, it's what you make of it. That’s my view anyway.

 

[wellywood]

Sorry to hear about your situation. I've been happily married to SWMBO for 44 years so it's hard for me to understand fully what you must be going through but I would echo what others have said. Don't just walk away even though it's tempting to just shut the door on the past. If you're going to go, do it right and claim your share of the estate. It'll make it easier to make a new start. Good luck.

 

[carlb40]

I'm only up the road in Sutton if you fancy a pint anytime, just give me a shout.
Glynne

No kissing on the first date though :lol:

 

[Baldhead]

Been happily married for 30 years this year so I have no idea what your going through, advice given to a mate of mine was, don't do anything rash, think things through, tell a professional (doctor or solicitor) so dates can be logged, and from me personally, don't give everything up, get your share, but don't start arguing over trivialities like who gets the cutlery etc etc.
Take care

Baldhead

 

[SteveF]

I am sure we all have advice and our own way of handling these situations

I am not an expert and can only input my own experience

i got drunk..often
i never sold my tools..even though i couldn't afford my next bottle of brandy
i gave away 2 houses
i was lonely

would i do it again any different..probably not, but i wish I stayed off the booze

I am in a happy relationship and settled after 2 failures

just a note though:

if u sell tools u cant work
if u leave van and tools at ur mums you cant do jobs at your new digs
pay to get her car fixed now..why u can afford..spend your time doing other things
don't write off the house yet
most of all

I wish you the best whatever u decide

Steve

 

[DTR]

I can't add anything wise, I just hope everything works out for you. If you feel you need to vent then do so, we'll be here

 

[Grahamshed]

I can't add anything wise, I just hope everything works out for you. If you feel you need to vent then do so, we'll be here

Well said.
+1

 

[MMUK]

Cheers guys

The house is in her name anyway and bordering negative equity. I'm not bothered about housey stuff. The only tools I'm selling are those I can make do without, those I have duplicates of in one form or another.

As far as her car goes, I don't have the money to fix it so she can keep mine for a while, I won't be using it.

She's been pretty reasonable, she's not the vindictive sort so I think it'll be as pleasant as separation can be.

 

[MARK.B.]

Try to keep it as amicable as possible because if the solicitors get stuck in to a long battle of "who gets what" then the only winners will be the solicitors who will cost you a fortune.
Hope things turn out well for the both of you.