Joke thread
- Thread starter Noel
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Dyslexia rules KO.Could ”cope” with opposed, but apposed?
What happened to jokes, everybody?????
user 38384
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I was wondering about that too…….
bushwhaker
Established Member
Random Facts
It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).
The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Women reading this will be finished now.
Men who read this are probably still busy checking their thumbs.
It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).
The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Women reading this will be finished now.
Men who read this are probably still busy checking their thumbs.
Cozzer
Established Member
For all those discussing the angst of grammatical errors on the "joke" thread, I would say "Chill, and follow a few Zen teaching guidelines"
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just p*ss off and leave me alone.
2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.
3. No one is listening until you pass wind.
4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.
13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
14.. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment.
15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.
17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our buttocks - then things just keep getting worse.
20. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Zen teachings
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just p*ss off and leave me alone.
2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.
3. No one is listening until you pass wind.
4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.
13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
14.. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment.
15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.
17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our buttocks - then things just keep getting worse.
20. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
user 38384
Established Member
- Joined
- 6 Dec 2021
- Messages
- 159
- Reaction score
- 968
AES
Established Member
Yeah, exactly! Where can you buy those hats? I've seen lots of shops where those hats have the peak at the front, but never a shop having hats with the peak at the back!
Vann
Established Member
Woodworking
is one third planning;
one third marking out,
one third cutting, drilling, paring,
and one third trying to work out why you are short...
Cheers, Vann.
is one third planning;
one third marking out,
one third cutting, drilling, paring,
and one third trying to work out why you are short...
Cheers, Vann.
I often learn when my lips are moving - but just a little too late
Bod
Established Member
Whats yellow and dangerous?
Shark infested custard.
Now the thread is now on track....
How do you know there's been an elephant in the fridge?
Answers on a postcard please.
Bod
Shark infested custard.
Now the thread is now on track....
How do you know there's been an elephant in the fridge?
Answers on a postcard please.
Bod
Bod
Established Member
AES
Established Member
flying haggis
Established Member
But they CAN make trunk calls.........
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