back then?
Joke Thread 4
- Thread starter Noel
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Yes Phil, back then. That time you were referring to in your last post.
Sadly today, many US religious groups (calling themselves Christians and invariably vrey far right - and of course never wrong...) have a seriously intolerant view to anyone who doesn't subscribe to their particular brand of religion (and that can include intolerance towards other factions/versions of Christianity too which abound). Woe betide any politician seeking office who doesn't subscribe to and go along with the local church group in his/her area and their particular views on many matters. Some of these groups are emulating tactics and policies of assorted theocracies which now permeate across the Middle East and elsewhere. Margaret Attwod's A Hand Maiden's Tale etc. is fast becoming a reality in many areas.
Jaco
Established Member
Is there not an "off topic" emoticon?
This is supposed to be a joke thread.
Jaco
Established Member
Filling in Time
If you can think of a bigger joke than religion, I'm dying to hear it...
Is there not an "off topic" emoticon?
This is supposed to be a joke thread.
Jaco
Established Member
Is this better?
Aging Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman.
The doctor said, your heart would be just below your left breast.
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee
I was meaning it it's still much the same. I'm not sure which post you're referring to though.
Last edited:
Keith Cocker
Established Member
Speaking as a historian of the period I’m afraid that’s not at all accurate. The Puritan émigrés were really quite rigid, intolerant Protestants who sought to “build Gods kingdom” in the New World. The communities they established on the East coast were run on very rigid d strict lines.
Ok. Back to the jokes …!!!!
Alex H
Established Member
(Patiently awaiting previous /. current Multipla owners to derail the thread like so many others.............)
Ahh I see now. I took the question mark as a question, rather than a statement.
Yorkieguy
Established Member
Not a joke - just a poem, and I've not appended it as a religious statement, but I thought it was worth an outing. (As a Humanist, I'm irreligious - I think we have one life, this one, and should try to make it good one).
"The Woodworker's Ballad":
All that is made of iron
Has lent to destruction and blood;
But the things that are honoured of Zion
Are most of them made of wood.
Stone can be chiselled to beauty,
and iron shines bright for defence;
But when Mother Earth pondered her duty
She brought forth the forest from whence;
Come tables, and chairs, and crosses,
Little things that a hot fire warps;
Old ships that the blue wave tosses,
And fiddles for music, and harps;
Old boards where the carved ferns mingle,
Monks' shrines in the wilderness,
Snug little huts in the dingle,
All things that the sad poets bless.
King Arthur had a wooden table;
And Our Lord blesses wood; for, you see,
He was born in a wooden stable,
And He died on a wooden tree;
And he sailed in a wooden vessel
On the waters of Galilee,
And he worked on a wooden trestle,
At his wonderful carpentry.
Yes, all that is moulded of iron
Has lent to destruction and blood;
But the things that are honoured of Zion
Are most of them made of wood.
Herbert Edward Palmer.
"The Woodworker's Ballad":
All that is made of iron
Has lent to destruction and blood;
But the things that are honoured of Zion
Are most of them made of wood.
Stone can be chiselled to beauty,
and iron shines bright for defence;
But when Mother Earth pondered her duty
She brought forth the forest from whence;
Come tables, and chairs, and crosses,
Little things that a hot fire warps;
Old ships that the blue wave tosses,
And fiddles for music, and harps;
Old boards where the carved ferns mingle,
Monks' shrines in the wilderness,
Snug little huts in the dingle,
All things that the sad poets bless.
King Arthur had a wooden table;
And Our Lord blesses wood; for, you see,
He was born in a wooden stable,
And He died on a wooden tree;
And he sailed in a wooden vessel
On the waters of Galilee,
And he worked on a wooden trestle,
At his wonderful carpentry.
Yes, all that is moulded of iron
Has lent to destruction and blood;
But the things that are honoured of Zion
Are most of them made of wood.
Herbert Edward Palmer.
Jaco
Established Member
His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone
to call the local airport to charter a flight.
He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.
He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley
and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'
'Why?' asked the pilot.
'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded, 'and I need to get some
close up shots.'
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what
you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'
to call the local airport to charter a flight.
He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.
He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley
and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'
'Why?' asked the pilot.
'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded, 'and I need to get some
close up shots.'
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what
you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'
Jaco
Established Member
Grammar is important
Jaco
Established Member
World's easiest quiz!
Jameshow
Established Member
Atheism!!
Jameshow
Established Member
That's your interpretation of history not exact historical tbh.
Yorkieguy
Established Member
True, it's no joke.
America isn't so much a 'democracy' as a 'theocracy'. But if they really were true believers they would behave very differently from anyone else, yet they don't. The deal is that if you do right in this life by all manner of people, you will go to heaven and live in paradise for eternity. But if you don't you will be consigned to eternal damnation.
You'd imagine therefore, that with so many 'believers', life in America would be tranquil. If only that were so. Consider the homicide figures in comparison to other developed countries, which are largely post-religious societies:
Homicide rates per 100,000 population 2021:
USA 6.8. Total 22,941 (Equal to 7.5 9/11 atrocities in one year).
Canada 2.1 Total: 788
France 1.1 Total 734
UK 1.0 Total 673
Germany 0.8 Total 695
Australia 0.7 Total 193
Source:
List of countries by intentional homicide rate - Wikipedia
Some will argue it's down to gun ownership , (given that there are 120 civilian guns per head of population, 393 million civilian guns in all). Maybe it is in part, but it still leaves the question of why do so many Americans (69% of whom profess to be Christians, compared to 46% in England & Wales for example), hate each other so much that they kill each other, often with multiple victims.
One of definition ‘mass killings’ is an act of public firearm violence -excluding gang killings, domestic violence, or terrorist acts sponsored by an organisation - in which a shooter kills at least four victims. Using this definition, a 2016 study found that nearly one-third of the world's public mass shootings between 1966 and 2012 (90 of 292 incidents) occurred in the United States. (Many more since 2016).
Maybe this is the answer: 'Sunday Morning Christians':
Lyrics:
Mr Jones this car you sold me isn't all that I desired
You swore it was young and healthy now I find it's old and tired
But a deal's a deal you tell me and there's nothing to be done
Mr Jones I'd like you better if you robbed me with a gun
You're a Sunday morning Christian sir, singing louder than the rest
Beg forgiveness at the altar, with your chin down on your chest
But tomorrow will be Monday you'll revert back to your ways
Gougin' kickin' cheatin' shovin' with no thoughts of God or lovin'
Don't let me stand in your way surely God will forgive you next Sunday.
Mrs Smith your fine attendance shows the Christian life you live
But I know you little secret you expect God to forgive
You'll kiss your husband Monday morning, see him safely on his way
Then get ready for your lover - it's a long time 'till Sunday
You're a Sunday morning Christian ma'm
Phill05
Established Member
Well you got that right!! I thought I was going to see some Jokes today, how wrong can you be.
Yorkieguy
Established Member
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