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Another Joke

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BHwoodworking

purveyor of man glitter
Joined
7 Jul 2019
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Location
N Yorks
nice one boris.

you've put the whole country in tiers.

>insert groan emoji here<
 

AES

Established Member
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18 Feb 2011
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Switzerland, near Basel
Me too! "Been there, Doug, felt that, BUT haven't got the T shirt - instead, just a blooming great bruise to prove it". (And BTW, our dog's been dead for years)! :)

Nice one.
 

bushwhaker

Established Member
Joined
28 Jul 2014
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Location
yambol
A guy went to his travel agent and tried to book a two-week cruise for himself and his lady friend. The travel agent said that all the ships were booked up and reservations were very tight at that moment, but that he would see what he could do.

A couple of days later, the travel agent phoned and said he could get them onto a three-day cruise. The guy was disappointed that it was such a short cruise, but booked it . . . and went to the drugstore to buy Dramamines and three condoms.

Three days later, the agent called back and reported that he now could book a five-day cruise. The guy said, "Great, I'll take it!"! and returned to the same pharmacy to buy two more Dramamines and two more condoms.

Two days after that, the travel agent called yet again, and said he was delighted that he could offer them bookings on an eight-day cruise. The guy was elated and, and went back to the drugstore. He asked for three more Dramamine and three more condoms.

The pharmacist looked sympathetically at him and said, "Look, I'm not trying to pry... but, if it makes you sick... why do you keep doing it?"
 

Phill05

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Joined
27 Oct 2014
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Location
Derbyshire
Subject: The late Bill Gates

Welcome, Bill," said a voice from above, "I'm really confused on this one. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or to Hell! After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world,
and yet you created that ghastly O/S Windows.

I'm going to do something I’ve never done before.
I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!"
Mr. Gates replied, "Well, thank you Sir.
What's the difference between the two?"

The voice from above said, "You can take a quick peek at both places if it will
help you decide. Shall we look at Hell first?"
"Sure!" said Bill. "Let's go!"
Bill was amazed!

He was looking at a clean, white sandy beach with crystal clear blue waters.
There were thousands of stunningly beautiful naked women running around,
playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about.
The sun was shining and the temperature looked perfect!

Bill said, "This is awesome! If this is Hell, I can't wait to see Heaven!"
To which a voice replied, "Let's go!" and off they went.
Bill saw puffy white clouds in a beautiful blue sky with angels
drifting about playing harps and singing.

It was nice, but certainly not as enticing as Hell.
Mr. Gates thought for a brief moment before rendering his decision.
"Sir, I do believe I would like to go to Hell."

"As you desire Bill".

Two weeks later on checking up on the late billionaire to see how things were going.
He found Bill shackled to a wall in a dark cave, screaming among the hot flames.
He was being burned and tortured by demons.

"How ya doin', Bill?".

Bill responded with anguish and despair. "This is awful! This is not
what I expected at all! What happened to the beach with all the beautiful
naked women playing in the water?"


"Oh THAT!" "That was just the screen saver!"
 
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