For anyone who's been to Lincolnshire:
Once upon a time. Mavis Enderby and Mablethorpe went with Ancaster to Chapel wearing their Great Coates, but the weather turned so warm that they wished they had worn their Somercoates. When they left Chapel, waiting outside to Greetham was Old Bolingbroke with his silk Hatton. He walked Witham down to the seashore, where they had the Holbeach to themselves.
Soon a Rippingale blew up, and they beat a hasty retreat, making a Halton the way back at the sign of the Temple Bruer, where several other village worthies had congregated. Here they decided to have a Little Hale. Everyone decided it was Great Hale, and as fast as they emptied their glasses, the landlord kept Fillingham.
Eventually they reached a stage where they began to Bicker and Wrangle, and it was very easy to Nettleham. Someone bawled "Any more of your Sausthorpe and I'll give you such a Belton the bean that Well make you wish you had never been Bourne!"
The landlord was afraid that there was Gonerby a rough-house, so he Nocton the bar and asked everyone if they Woodhall be reasonable and Stow it, but when he was ridiculed and told that he had got a Swineshead on his shoulders he doubled his fists and started Hameringham.
Before the end of the melee his barrels had started to Leake, and most of his bottles and glasses had Binbrook. Almost everyone was Horbling about and Wullingore whilst poor old Aby could only just Crowle. It was also quite apparent that their clothes would require more than a Little Steeping in a good detergent to get them clean.
Here we draw the Kirton on this village tale which began so Apley, but whose characters appear to be of such Littleworth. Although many of the names are recorded in the Doomsday Book, only one of them can really be called Welbourne.
John William Veall. Printed in “The Forge” magazine, June 1960
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