Joke Thread 4
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stuart little
Established Member
Begorrah! Would that be the Newcastle over 'The Water'?
stuart little
Established Member
A Bloody Minded Woman --- or so I've been led to believe!
Alex H
Established Member
Alex H
Established Member
Posties are as dedicated today. I mean shorts in this weather…
Cozzer
Established Member
Had to laugh at this one!
When our lad was small, he used to like being dressed in dungarees... Y'know, like those that featured in "Little House on the Prairie", with the cross-over straps at the back.
When he was annoying and getting under your feet, we used to pick him up and hang him off a door knob....
Robbo3
Established Member
I make no apology for reposting this.
Paraprosdokians (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, frequently humorous.
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right--only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
Paraprosdokians (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, frequently humorous.
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right--only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
There's something seriously odd about anyone wearing shorts, outdoors, in this weather. IMO
phil_symonds
Member
Brilliant today… made me laugh on a cold wet Monday. More of these please !!
Alex H
Established Member
Myself and my wife walked past a new, very swanky restaurant in town last night.
"Wow, did you smell that food?" She asked, "It smells absolutely incredible!"
Being the kind hearted soul that I am, I thought, "What the hell, I'll treat her!"
So we turned round and walked past again.
"Wow, did you smell that food?" She asked, "It smells absolutely incredible!"
Being the kind hearted soul that I am, I thought, "What the hell, I'll treat her!"
So we turned round and walked past again.
Doug B
Shy Tot
Escher's test piece when he applied for a job as a stylist with Lamborghini.
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