Joke Thread 4

[Doug B]

 

[Alex H]

 

[Cordy]

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping centre and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.

I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,

"Now you stay. Do you hear me?" "Stay! Stay!"

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty young brunette , gave me a strange look and said,

"Why don't you just put the handbrake on?"

 

[flying haggis]

View attachment 166707

and the second question is "how did it get there?"

 

[paulrbarnard]

Third question is how does it turn around at the harbour end.
Fourth question is how do people think a photoshopped image is in anyway believable.

 

[Geoff_S]

Third question is how does it turn around at the harbour end.
Fourth question is how do people think a photoshopped image is in anyway believable.

It’s a school run

 

[flying haggis]

"right, just got to swap the blade on the table saw"....................................

 

[williams1185]

only hope its not a welsh island take him ages with the new speed limit !

 

[Doug B]

 

[RobinBHM]

There’s a Russell Brand joke going around with a caption above an image of Shamima Begum.

but it’s a bit naughty and would not be suitable for this thread so please not Google it.

 

[RobinBHM]

View attachment 166707

View attachment 166708

I sometimes wash my car in the rain - easiest way to rinse off the suds without streaks

 

[Doug B]

 

[stuart little]

"right, just got to swap the blade on the table saw"....................................

Rank Organisation?

 

[Robbo3]

 

[Doug B]

 

[AES]

Rank Organisation?

No, they looked quite well organised to me.

 

[The_Yellow_Ardvark]

 

[Jaco]

A Typical Friday Night....​

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK

Cinnamon
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK

British Constitution
Loquacious Transubstantiate
Passive-aggressive disorder
Specificity

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK

Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
Nope, no more booze for me.
Sorry, but you're not really my type.
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.
You're right; I can't jump over that table.

 

[stuart little]

There’s a Russell Brand joke going around with a caption above an image of Shamima Begum.

but

There’s a Russell Brand joke going around with a caption above an image of Shamima Begum.

but it’s a bit naughty and would not be suitable for this thread so please not Google it.

it’s a bit naughty and would not be suitable for this thread so please not Google it.

Image of Whom?

 

[Phil Pascoe]

Please don't tell us you've never heard of Shamima Begum.