SketchUp Guru
Established Member
This is great! If it gets made into a television show I'd get cable so I could watch it.
Keep it up.
Keep it up.
The UK Workshop Panto Presents ........
- Thread starter Lord Nibbo
- Start date
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CHJ
Established Member
Meanwhile the not so happy band of Cotswoldians heading south thro’ Summerset (well it is winter isn’t it) stop for a bite to eat at that common stamping ground of Martock Marvels called Yandles, hopefully they will finish salivating over the ever moving wood pile in time to reach Bridport and garner up a parcel of Spider Crabs (you can never have to many Crabs) before the IceScreams and they all get bogged down in the Marsh Westwards with the others.
Lord Nibbo
Established Member
Meanwhile in the far far frozen north, about two miles north of Watford a band of foreign invaders had been forewarned by woodythepecker that the quest in the darkest depths of Devon were about to emigrate in to Cornwall, the ring leader of these eastern origin imports was none other than the infamous Derek Barbarious-Cohen. Derek on hearing of the migrating band in the south stands up quick and declares to his villainous sidekick Lasos….. “They’re not looking for the Devon Woody Man, it’s all a ploy” the rest of the foreign imports namely Scott, Celtic Neil, Cyc, all listen in anticipation of what might end up as a good excuse for a booze up. Mudman and Taffy Turner plus several Martins and even more Colins sit eating #20 biscuits left over from the do at Phantom Phillys
Derek Barbarious-Cohen getting angry with all the biscuit munchers shouts, “We all know where the Devon Woody Man really is, so it’s our job to stop that lot getting too Cornwall”
“Why should we” Ian of Dalziel declares.
“Because” Derek yells “Because they’re really out to nick Excalibur from the guardians”
“Who are the guardians?” asks Sir Gidon
Derek Barbarious-Cohen looks Sir Gidon in the eyes and replies, “They are none other than our friendly fiends, Bug the Bear, Joker Jake, Ike the Spike, Frank Incensed, and last but not least Lynx of Lydl”
“But how can we help that lot from not losing Excalibur?” politely asks Ian of Dalziel
“By getting off our saw horses and catch a passing BUS (geddit
)” snaps Derek
“Be quicker to go another route(r)” quips Joker Jake.
So all the foreign imports plus a few biscuit munchers get out their Veritas MKII’s and quickly hone their Hock eyed weapons of mass destruction and set off to beat Wenslascrit and his Dado singing songsters to the Land of the Guardians and Excalibur.
“Hang on a minute” shouts Bug the Bear “I dunno if I can go”
“Why not?” replies Lynx of Lydl
“I aint got no money”
“What do you want money for?” says Frank Incensed
Bug the Bear pauses then replies “Well you’ll need a quid to get out of Cornwall and back into England and if I’m late home for tea Swmbo won’t allow me out to play. :lol: :lol: :lol:
Meanwhile two miles from Axminster or maybe nearer Zummerset........ ?
Derek Barbarious-Cohen getting angry with all the biscuit munchers shouts, “We all know where the Devon Woody Man really is, so it’s our job to stop that lot getting too Cornwall”
“Why should we” Ian of Dalziel declares.
“Because” Derek yells “Because they’re really out to nick Excalibur from the guardians”
“Who are the guardians?” asks Sir Gidon
Derek Barbarious-Cohen looks Sir Gidon in the eyes and replies, “They are none other than our friendly fiends, Bug the Bear, Joker Jake, Ike the Spike, Frank Incensed, and last but not least Lynx of Lydl”
“But how can we help that lot from not losing Excalibur?” politely asks Ian of Dalziel
“By getting off our saw horses and catch a passing BUS (geddit
)” snaps Derek“Be quicker to go another route(r)” quips Joker Jake.
So all the foreign imports plus a few biscuit munchers get out their Veritas MKII’s and quickly hone their Hock eyed weapons of mass destruction and set off to beat Wenslascrit and his Dado singing songsters to the Land of the Guardians and Excalibur.
“Hang on a minute” shouts Bug the Bear “I dunno if I can go”
“Why not?” replies Lynx of Lydl
“I aint got no money”
“What do you want money for?” says Frank Incensed
Bug the Bear pauses then replies “Well you’ll need a quid to get out of Cornwall and back into England and if I’m late home for tea Swmbo won’t allow me out to play. :lol: :lol: :lol:
Meanwhile two miles from Axminster or maybe nearer Zummerset........ ?
gidon
Established Member
You lot are all wasting your talents with woodworking!
Good stuff.
Cheers
Gidon
Good stuff
.Cheers
Gidon
Paul Chapman
Established Member
Getting better all the time
Cheers :ho2
Paul
Cheers :ho2
Paul
Just West of Plymouth in view of the Tamar Bridge the gateway to Cornwallian land ruled by ALF the Collector, Philly the Pantom, Martin the Car Boot, Wood the Bloke and Stuart the Paul meet up with Wenslascrit and his merry band of followers.
Where's the 5 Gill's asks Martin the Car Boot, stopped off in Plymouth Town to do some shopping says Wenslascrit. I tired to tell them to hang onto their money, because Bug the Bear is rumoured to be hanging around doing some filing.
Swiftly, swiftly we must move says Wenslascrit, the infamous Derek Barbarious-Cohen and his crowd of renegades is heading South on their BUS.
Fear not proclaims Philly the Phantom thier veritas machines are no match for our LN #8's and once across the border we will chisels away at the bridge, making them come the long way round.
Lord Nigel of Camberley not having, or even knowing that he needs a #8 raced back to the place called Axminster to arm himself with the famous #8.
Martin the Car Boot looks on amazed as the #8 speds past him towards the bridge, never seen one of them on the bay, perhaps Waka the Pensioner will advise me on when to but.
With all the movement to the East and North ALF the Collector starts getting worried. She spies Philly the Phantom, Martin the Car Boot, Wood the Bloke and Wenslascrit's merry band of followers.
Greeting Philly the Phantom, says Alf the Collector, welcome to the land of abundant tools.
Heading across the open sea towards Tintagel, (a little known spot on the North coast of Cornwellian Land) Sawdust the Producer and his dragonets are preparing to land, armed with saws, chisels and mallats they will protect Excalbar until ALF the Collector and the merry groups of Wenslascrit and Philly the Phantom arrive.
Martin the Car Boot and Wood the Bloke ask ALF the Collector the all important question, "if we get Excalibar, will it help us find Devon Woody Man"?
Where's the 5 Gill's asks Martin the Car Boot, stopped off in Plymouth Town to do some shopping says Wenslascrit. I tired to tell them to hang onto their money, because Bug the Bear is rumoured to be hanging around doing some filing.
Swiftly, swiftly we must move says Wenslascrit, the infamous Derek Barbarious-Cohen and his crowd of renegades is heading South on their BUS.
Fear not proclaims Philly the Phantom thier veritas machines are no match for our LN #8's and once across the border we will chisels away at the bridge, making them come the long way round.
Lord Nigel of Camberley not having, or even knowing that he needs a #8 raced back to the place called Axminster to arm himself with the famous #8.
Martin the Car Boot looks on amazed as the #8 speds past him towards the bridge, never seen one of them on the bay, perhaps Waka the Pensioner will advise me on when to but.
With all the movement to the East and North ALF the Collector starts getting worried. She spies Philly the Phantom, Martin the Car Boot, Wood the Bloke and Wenslascrit's merry band of followers.
Greeting Philly the Phantom, says Alf the Collector, welcome to the land of abundant tools.
Heading across the open sea towards Tintagel, (a little known spot on the North coast of Cornwellian Land) Sawdust the Producer and his dragonets are preparing to land, armed with saws, chisels and mallats they will protect Excalbar until ALF the Collector and the merry groups of Wenslascrit and Philly the Phantom arrive.
Martin the Car Boot and Wood the Bloke ask ALF the Collector the all important question, "if we get Excalibar, will it help us find Devon Woody Man"?
woodbloke
Established Member
Meanwhile, the elusive Devon Woody Man, of whom all the gallant band were seeking, was in a distant land far far away, the land of Oz, burning under a scorching sun. The heat was fierce on Devon Woody Man's brow, the perspiration dripped from him...need another Tinny of the ice cold Fosters he muttered to himself on the burning shore, seruptitiously watching all the attractions without SWIMBO noticing :lol: .
Meanwhile Derek of the Oz, gleafull of the antics of recent sporting events concerning men in white hitting a little red ball about, on hearing of Devon Woody Mans dire predicament of the burning shore, determined to mount a rescue effort. By means of magical ways he contacted a merry band in the land of Frozen Fog...Philly the Phantom (leader of the band), Alf the Collector, Martin of the Bay and Boot, Waka the Pensioner and Wood of the Bloke, Defender of the Stones.
'Oi... you lot....gooday... I hear you're looking for the Devon Woody Man' said Derek of the Oz, taking a sip from his own Tinny of the Fosters...'I got some news for you..and its all bad.....'
Meanwhile Derek of the Oz, gleafull of the antics of recent sporting events concerning men in white hitting a little red ball about, on hearing of Devon Woody Mans dire predicament of the burning shore, determined to mount a rescue effort. By means of magical ways he contacted a merry band in the land of Frozen Fog...Philly the Phantom (leader of the band), Alf the Collector, Martin of the Bay and Boot, Waka the Pensioner and Wood of the Bloke, Defender of the Stones.
'Oi... you lot....gooday... I hear you're looking for the Devon Woody Man' said Derek of the Oz, taking a sip from his own Tinny of the Fosters...'I got some news for you..and its all bad.....'
Alf
Established Member
"Well that was interesting" said Philly the Phantom, after they'd heard Derek of Oz's news. (See what I did there? Neat side-step or what?)
"Interesting?" said the Pensioned one. "It's a disaster."
"He right," declared Martin, King of the Bay and Boot. "We need some advice."
"Yes but how do we decide which forum to put the query on; Off Topic? Finishing? Design? Should we include a Sketch Up drawing to explain the dilemma?" The Chosen Ones of The Merry Band were all of a dither.
"We should split up" suggested Alf The User Not A Collector Thank You So Very Much. Mainly because she was keen to direct the others away from a promising classified ad for tools in the local paper, but you didn't hear that from me.
"You lot should go and see the Famous Wise Man of North Devon, who'll stroke his beard with his well-manicured fingernails in order to summon up Wise Words. I know; I've seen him do it."
"And what about you?" asked the Defender of The Stones, craning to get a glance at the paper.
"I shall return to the Convent of Our Lady of Veritas and confer with the Ninja Nuns who practice the mystic art of Bevel Up."
"Why do they need to practice?" asked Philly, "I've heard they're pretty good at it already."
"Besides I can't go to the Land of The Burning Shore; the tool pickings there don't sound like much cop at all," explained the Non-Collector Alf.
So she waved them off on their journey until they were out of sight - then made a dash for the 'phone, advert in hand.
The remaining Chosen Ones trudged off, wondering if they shouldn't summon someone else to come and join their Merry Band.
"Have a look at the Total Posts list and see who's posted enough to warrant such an accolade" suggested Martin of the Bay.
"What we need," mused Wood of the Bloke, "Is a Knight."
"Ah ha," cried Philly, perusing the list. "Just the fellow here."
And by the wonders of the non-existant logic in this story, there was a bang, a cloud of smoke and there standing before them, coughing, was...
"What the...?" said Double Dee, his arms covered in oil and the grassbox of a Ransomes Ajax lawnmower in his hand. "Oh really, you might have asked if it was convenient."
"Sorry, no time," said Philly.
"Honestly. Knight we say, and who does he pick? The obvious? Oh no, of course not." grumbled The Bay King.
"It may come in very handy if we run into some long grass" observed Waka. "Some of those ornamental grasses can get quite vicious..."
Before long they found themselves on a wild and deserted shore. Atop the cliff stood a lonely tower with adjacent workshops and off-road parking.
"This must be the place," said Philly, stepping out towards it with renewed energy.
"Who is it we're going to see again?" asked Double Dee.
"The Famous Wise Man of North Devon, who'll stroke his beard with his well-manicured fingernails in order to summon up Wise Words." explained Wood of the Bloke.
"Ooo, are you sure we didn't need to book in advance?"
"It'll be fine." They looked up at the tall forbidding door that towered in front of them and exchanged glances. "Probably."
"Interesting?" said the Pensioned one. "It's a disaster."
"He right," declared Martin, King of the Bay and Boot. "We need some advice."
"Yes but how do we decide which forum to put the query on; Off Topic? Finishing? Design? Should we include a Sketch Up drawing to explain the dilemma?" The Chosen Ones of The Merry Band were all of a dither.
"We should split up" suggested Alf The User Not A Collector Thank You So Very Much. Mainly because she was keen to direct the others away from a promising classified ad for tools in the local paper, but you didn't hear that from me.
"You lot should go and see the Famous Wise Man of North Devon, who'll stroke his beard with his well-manicured fingernails in order to summon up Wise Words. I know; I've seen him do it."
"And what about you?" asked the Defender of The Stones, craning to get a glance at the paper.
"I shall return to the Convent of Our Lady of Veritas and confer with the Ninja Nuns who practice the mystic art of Bevel Up."
"Why do they need to practice?" asked Philly, "I've heard they're pretty good at it already."
"Besides I can't go to the Land of The Burning Shore; the tool pickings there don't sound like much cop at all," explained the Non-Collector Alf.
So she waved them off on their journey until they were out of sight - then made a dash for the 'phone, advert in hand.
The remaining Chosen Ones trudged off, wondering if they shouldn't summon someone else to come and join their Merry Band.
"Have a look at the Total Posts list and see who's posted enough to warrant such an accolade" suggested Martin of the Bay.
"What we need," mused Wood of the Bloke, "Is a Knight."
"Ah ha," cried Philly, perusing the list. "Just the fellow here."
And by the wonders of the non-existant logic in this story, there was a bang, a cloud of smoke and there standing before them, coughing, was...
"What the...?" said Double Dee, his arms covered in oil and the grassbox of a Ransomes Ajax lawnmower in his hand. "Oh really, you might have asked if it was convenient."
"Sorry, no time," said Philly.
"Honestly. Knight we say, and who does he pick? The obvious? Oh no, of course not." grumbled The Bay King.
"It may come in very handy if we run into some long grass" observed Waka. "Some of those ornamental grasses can get quite vicious..."
Before long they found themselves on a wild and deserted shore. Atop the cliff stood a lonely tower with adjacent workshops and off-road parking.
"This must be the place," said Philly, stepping out towards it with renewed energy.
"Who is it we're going to see again?" asked Double Dee.
"The Famous Wise Man of North Devon, who'll stroke his beard with his well-manicured fingernails in order to summon up Wise Words." explained Wood of the Bloke.
"Ooo, are you sure we didn't need to book in advance?"
"It'll be fine." They looked up at the tall forbidding door that towered in front of them and exchanged glances. "Probably."
Martin the Boot chimed up and said "is this really the lair of David of the hand tools books and DVD's, must be said Wood of the Bloke, ALF the non-collector but tool user (YEH RIGHT) would not lead us done a slippery slope. Thats right said Philly the Phantom, unless there is something in it for her.
Waka the pensioner mentioned that there were a few tool COLLECTORS auctions going on nearby.
Double Dee of the Grass Box was keen to here the wisdom of David of the Hand Tool Books and DVD's.
Philly the Phantom consumed with anger and regret because the Collector of Tools was not seeking forgiveness in the Convent of Veritas, but trading with Lee of the Neilson and Blue of the Mighty Spruce.
We'll deal with the collector when we have conferred with David of the Hand Tool Books and DVD's. If it is confirmed that Devon Woody Man is on far distant shores then the Tool Collector known as ALF will accompany the faithful down that slope to upside down land.
Waka the pensioner mentioned that there were a few tool COLLECTORS auctions going on nearby.
Double Dee of the Grass Box was keen to here the wisdom of David of the Hand Tool Books and DVD's.
Philly the Phantom consumed with anger and regret because the Collector of Tools was not seeking forgiveness in the Convent of Veritas, but trading with Lee of the Neilson and Blue of the Mighty Spruce.
We'll deal with the collector when we have conferred with David of the Hand Tool Books and DVD's. If it is confirmed that Devon Woody Man is on far distant shores then the Tool Collector known as ALF will accompany the faithful down that slope to upside down land.
houtslager
Established Member
bloody marvellous
- Joined
- 7 Aug 2003
- Messages
- 7,590
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Upside down land was a barren, null a tree land. The searchers found themselves cast astray on a flat and square plane. They had better sketch up a cunning plan to track down the chosen one. But what were they to do? Lost and tooless they felt down at heart. Suddenly a bright light appears in the east. Three anglels bereft of wings and heavenly halos, weighed down with strange waist worn garments filled with essence of Estwing fall thumpingly loudly to the ground. Dusting off sawdust and swarf the 3 messengers from Massachusetts announce in Unison (for they are card carrying and fully paid up) - "We have been sent to prepare the way for our leader. He will assist you in your quest for the chosen one. The one known as Sir Devon Wood of Ottery St Janet and Honiton"
The band of travellers stand motionless. They had come a long way, their bond was tite, their spirit level. As they wondered what new adventures awaited them a calamitous sound accosted their ears. A whirring cyclone appeared. The 3 angels fell, again, to the ground. "our leader, our leader" could be heard above the noise. From the eastern sky a bearded giant with large reflective eyes appeared wearing a garment of multiple squares. "It is he, it is he" cried the 3 messengers in Unison.
A large shadow fell over the plane. A loud tapping noise could be heard.
The 3 messengers, united in voice, announced "Hail your saviour. King Norm of Delta"
The band of travellers stand motionless. They had come a long way, their bond was tite, their spirit level. As they wondered what new adventures awaited them a calamitous sound accosted their ears. A whirring cyclone appeared. The 3 angels fell, again, to the ground. "our leader, our leader" could be heard above the noise. From the eastern sky a bearded giant with large reflective eyes appeared wearing a garment of multiple squares. "It is he, it is he" cried the 3 messengers in Unison.
A large shadow fell over the plane. A loud tapping noise could be heard.
The 3 messengers, united in voice, announced "Hail your saviour. King Norm of Delta"
Newbie_Neil
Established Member
Noel":1n3mahdl said:
But they were greatly mistaken. The tall imposing figure with the magnificent flowing beard was really King David of the Sharp. Upon recognising him Alf the Collector immediately fell down at his feet, closely followed by Philly the Phantom and Waka the Pensioner. Cries of we are not worthy filled the air.
Kind David of the Sharp has been training his troops in small groups for many years and now they number in their thousands. Although they are loyal to King David of the Sharp, the majority of them are based in a far-off colony.
The first three sailing ships full of his supporters all died after a “Perfect Storm” loosened all of their sharp irons and the blades rained down on them, much like a dado coming loose from a, yet to be invented, tablesaw.
What will happen to the next three ships that are only two days into the six-week journey out of Boston? Will Alf the Collector manage to light the beacons, or will the wicked Sheriff of Nottingham aka the Earl of Masquery succeed with his wicked plot of world domination of the woodworking dvd market? Will Waka the Pensioner agree to a reduction in his credit card limit or will he still try to emulate the buying power of Philly the Phantom? Was LN Cosman of the Dovetail really onboard the first of the three ships?
Alf
Established Member
"That's torn it" said Sister Whittering, putting down the shiny lapped O1 blade she'd been using to magically view the arrival of the Bearded One.
"What's the plan? You know the last batch of weaponry has been held up at customs," said Sister Verbose.
The Order of Our Lady of Veritas was evidentaly not a silent one and indeed the Sisters were encouraged to talk, and especially write, at considerable length. It's not an original idea, but hey...
"Sister Garrulous?" Sister Whittering was in martial mode.
"Mmm?"
"Will you take your head out of those classified ads and concentrate?"
"Sorry, Sister" said the Sister Formally Known As Alf.
"How is it that you're here and there?"
"Mmm?"
"Oh honestly, wake up! There appear to be two of you."
Sister Alf looked up and made two accurate observations,
"That one's s'not me. For a start I'm NOT a collector. And secondly I wouldn't fall down at the feet of anyone who advocates sharpening to such a degree as that. I mean 23? Hey, why not 24? Or 22. Honestly it's..."
"All right, point taken. Evidentally there are imposters about and we must be on our guard. You must go back into the world, join them and attempt to ensure they don't make a complete Design Opportunity out of it."
"Back into the world? Oh no, I can't possibly. All those blasted children breaking into implausibly choreographed songs every other moment..."
"Wrong story," hissed Sister Verbose. "And what's it got to do with woodworking anyway?"
"Nothing, but it is Christmas and every Christmas..."
"Yes, yes, all right," broke in Sister Whittering, tetchily. "Off you go. Report back when you can. May The Rust Be With You."
"Live Long and Oxidize" returned Sister Garrulous, and hurried off to gather up the special issue tool kit. She stopped. She came back.
"Erm...?"
"Yes? What?"
"How am I supposed to get there exactly?"
"Report to the extraction point in an hour. Our colleagues at the College of Clenton Downunder will be ready to let forth with numerous gloats of the highest order, thus creating a vacuum of unbelievable power causing you to be Sucked straight there in a mere 17 hours."
"Oh. Of course, silly me. Will there be an in-pipe movie?"
"Of course. Back-to-back showings of The Wise Man's DVDs - you should sleep through the whole journey."
"The things I do for this forum..." muttered Alf, as she rushed off to get ready.
"What's the plan? You know the last batch of weaponry has been held up at customs," said Sister Verbose.
The Order of Our Lady of Veritas was evidentaly not a silent one and indeed the Sisters were encouraged to talk, and especially write, at considerable length. It's not an original idea, but hey...
"Sister Garrulous?" Sister Whittering was in martial mode.
"Mmm?"
"Will you take your head out of those classified ads and concentrate?"
"Sorry, Sister" said the Sister Formally Known As Alf.
"How is it that you're here and there?"
"Mmm?"
"Oh honestly, wake up! There appear to be two of you."
Sister Alf looked up and made two accurate observations,
"That one's s'not me. For a start I'm NOT a collector. And secondly I wouldn't fall down at the feet of anyone who advocates sharpening to such a degree as that. I mean 23? Hey, why not 24? Or 22. Honestly it's..."
"All right, point taken. Evidentally there are imposters about and we must be on our guard. You must go back into the world, join them and attempt to ensure they don't make a complete Design Opportunity out of it."
"Back into the world? Oh no, I can't possibly. All those blasted children breaking into implausibly choreographed songs every other moment..."
"Wrong story," hissed Sister Verbose. "And what's it got to do with woodworking anyway?"
"Nothing, but it is Christmas and every Christmas..."
"Yes, yes, all right," broke in Sister Whittering, tetchily. "Off you go. Report back when you can. May The Rust Be With You."
"Live Long and Oxidize" returned Sister Garrulous, and hurried off to gather up the special issue tool kit. She stopped. She came back.
"Erm...?"
"Yes? What?"
"How am I supposed to get there exactly?"
"Report to the extraction point in an hour. Our colleagues at the College of Clenton Downunder will be ready to let forth with numerous gloats of the highest order, thus creating a vacuum of unbelievable power causing you to be Sucked straight there in a mere 17 hours."
"Oh. Of course, silly me. Will there be an in-pipe movie?"
"Of course. Back-to-back showings of The Wise Man's DVDs - you should sleep through the whole journey."
"The things I do for this forum..." muttered Alf, as she rushed off to get ready.
RogerS
Established Member
"Have I told you about the Legacy" enquired JayEffCee, still wondering how he'd suddenly found himself from the cosy warmth of Byron's workshop to the frozen wastes of the Western Lands.
"Enough!" they all cried as a slowly spinning offcut majestically soared through the air from JayEffCee's antique spindley machine and narrowly missing Sister Verbose.
"This Quest is the only legacy (with a little 'l') that we're interested in. We're never going to find Woody before the RuttingLands feast of offerings (Chaiwanese a speciality of the house..."unintelligible instructions" is our motto) comes to an end. Especially if we keep getting diverted to read about doctors and databases".
"Never you mind" says Tim...surfacing from behind a huge pile of library shelves. "Just as soon as I've finished edge-banding the three miles of shelving, I'll get right onto it. Maybe even give Tony the Terrible a hand with his website. I do hear that inside it is hidden the True Way to all things Partly P and other such diversions."
"Enough!" they all cried as a slowly spinning offcut majestically soared through the air from JayEffCee's antique spindley machine and narrowly missing Sister Verbose.
"This Quest is the only legacy (with a little 'l') that we're interested in. We're never going to find Woody before the RuttingLands feast of offerings (Chaiwanese a speciality of the house..."unintelligible instructions" is our motto) comes to an end. Especially if we keep getting diverted to read about doctors and databases".
"Never you mind" says Tim...surfacing from behind a huge pile of library shelves. "Just as soon as I've finished edge-banding the three miles of shelving, I'll get right onto it. Maybe even give Tony the Terrible a hand with his website. I do hear that inside it is hidden the True Way to all things Partly P and other such diversions."
mahking51
Established Member
Martin of the Boot, lowliest, largest and least honoured member of the Exalted Fellowship Of the Dorsetshire Woodkateers felt very woozy and somewhat befuddled, having listened and watched all that had hereabove gone before.
For him, it had all started simply when he had bartered a couple of old broken 78's for two lengths of thick plate glass from The Molten Silica Company; had them cover it with 80 grit Unicorn scrotum and fix it to his knees upside down so that he could begin the Sacred Pilgrimage to worship at the feet of The Great See of David wot resided in the nether regions of tool hell commonly known as Devonia.
His mission there was to discover the arcane mysteries of achieving The Ultimate Flatness.
Is it therefore possible to imagine his utter chagrin and desolation when after trudging many, many leagues on his torn knees; surviving the HyperVoid of Axminstinia; avoiding the seductive chanting of the Sirens of Leusnielsoniae and the financial predations of the Phillawakarae that when he finally got to worship at the feet of the Master the course was not about getting the perfect six pack but something to do with bloody plane
soles!
After this debacle his one all consuming thought (after having a snack!) was that he must exact vengeance for this perceived perfidy and that this would be best done by reforming the all powerfull Holy Alliance of the Boot Plunderers!
............tbc?
For him, it had all started simply when he had bartered a couple of old broken 78's for two lengths of thick plate glass from The Molten Silica Company; had them cover it with 80 grit Unicorn scrotum and fix it to his knees upside down so that he could begin the Sacred Pilgrimage to worship at the feet of The Great See of David wot resided in the nether regions of tool hell commonly known as Devonia.
His mission there was to discover the arcane mysteries of achieving The Ultimate Flatness.
Is it therefore possible to imagine his utter chagrin and desolation when after trudging many, many leagues on his torn knees; surviving the HyperVoid of Axminstinia; avoiding the seductive chanting of the Sirens of Leusnielsoniae and the financial predations of the Phillawakarae that when he finally got to worship at the feet of the Master the course was not about getting the perfect six pack but something to do with bloody plane
soles!
After this debacle his one all consuming thought (after having a snack!) was that he must exact vengeance for this perceived perfidy and that this would be best done by reforming the all powerfull Holy Alliance of the Boot Plunderers!
............tbc?
mel
Established Member
id love to contribute but im LOST
have been back and read it twice
excellent fun
have been back and read it twice
excellent fun
mel
Established Member
id love to contribute but im LOST
have been back and read it twice
excellent fun
have been back and read it twice
excellent fun
What's happened to Martin the Boot, said Waka the Poor (too young to be a pensioner), gone off to pay homage to David the Sharp on bended knee no doubt, he'll probably meet ALF the collector their said Wood the Bloke, you know how she likes to pay homage to anyone with more tools. well I guess, said Philly the Phantom, that she'll only be paying homage to herself.
Is that why she got the name ALF the Collector, says Waka the Poor.
Unbeknown to us ALF the Collector was already at a place called Plymothian where she could be wized to upside down land is as short a time a 17 hours as promised by the Nuns at The Order of Our Lady of Veritas.
The Three Woodkateers, Wood the Bloke and Wenslascrit and the guys from the North would go by boat as they were not sure about this new mode of travel that Alf the Collector was embarking on. Can we come by boat as well says the 5 Gills, sure everyone chimes, as long as Bug the bear is not with you, cos he'll only want to go home half way through.
Anyone know where Roger Sindenbad is, cried Wenslascrit some where of topic came the tumultuous cry.
Derek of Oz was aware that the rescue team for Devon Woody Man were on the way, time he thought was on hands until he learnt the Alf the Collector was planing it in. The only way to stop ALF the Collector was to suspend her in the never never land of that guy Norm who everyone seems to talk about.
Who the hell is Norm says Martin the Boot, I don't know says Waka the Poor, guys don't you know anything says, Philly the Phantom.
Both Waka the Poor and Martin the Boot were red faced, Wood the Bloke pipes up and says, he's not as good as Wenzaloff the Saw, nobodys that good chimes the three woodkateers.
After leaving the safe lands of Cornwellian and heading for the Bay of Biscuits the 3 ships trying not to get too close in case of the Domino effect, made haste towards upside down land.
Thats when when it happened
Is that why she got the name ALF the Collector, says Waka the Poor.
Unbeknown to us ALF the Collector was already at a place called Plymothian where she could be wized to upside down land is as short a time a 17 hours as promised by the Nuns at The Order of Our Lady of Veritas.
The Three Woodkateers, Wood the Bloke and Wenslascrit and the guys from the North would go by boat as they were not sure about this new mode of travel that Alf the Collector was embarking on. Can we come by boat as well says the 5 Gills, sure everyone chimes, as long as Bug the bear is not with you, cos he'll only want to go home half way through.
Anyone know where Roger Sindenbad is, cried Wenslascrit some where of topic came the tumultuous cry.
Derek of Oz was aware that the rescue team for Devon Woody Man were on the way, time he thought was on hands until he learnt the Alf the Collector was planing it in. The only way to stop ALF the Collector was to suspend her in the never never land of that guy Norm who everyone seems to talk about.
Who the hell is Norm says Martin the Boot, I don't know says Waka the Poor, guys don't you know anything says, Philly the Phantom.
Both Waka the Poor and Martin the Boot were red faced, Wood the Bloke pipes up and says, he's not as good as Wenzaloff the Saw, nobodys that good chimes the three woodkateers.
After leaving the safe lands of Cornwellian and heading for the Bay of Biscuits the 3 ships trying not to get too close in case of the Domino effect, made haste towards upside down land.
Thats when when it happened
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