The Deaf Wife Problem

[AES]

Bert feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.
Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.

The doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. 'Here's what you do,' said the doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

No response.

So Bert moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?'

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again no response.

So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?'

'For God's sake, Bert, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!

[ON REFLECTION PERHAPS I DON'T THINK THIS ONE IS AS FUNNY AS I FIRST THOUGHT - A BIT TOO CLOSE TO HOME!] ;-)

AES

 

[Steve Maskery]

But then Bert dies and Peg goes to see him at the Undertakers.
"I've done him up really nice", says the mortician, and indeed, Bert did look better than he had for some time, dressed in a smart black suit.

"He looks lovely", says Peg, "but Bert's favourite colour was blue. I think he'd really like to be buried in a blue suit. Can you sort that out for me? It doesn't matter what it costs, I'd like a top-quality blue suit to send him off in."

And so, a couple of days later, Peg goes back to the Undertakers and there is Bert, still looking lovely, in the most beautiful but expensive blue suit.

"Oh that is just perfect", says Peg, "It must have cost the earth, but it doesn't matter, only the best for my Bert."

"Oh it didn't cost anything", says the mortician.

"Really? How come?"

"Well, you see", says the mortician, "Yesterday a gentleman cam in to us. He was exactly the same size and build as your Bert.

"So I just swapped heads."

 

[AES]

Nice one Steve!

AES

 

[Ian down london way]

Come on guys - this is a woodworking forum!

...
"So I just swapped heads."

So, what kind of dust extraction gear is recommended for the bandsaw used by the mortitian?

(I used to have one of the wet and dry Vax - but they were SOOOO LOUD!)

:lol:

 

[AES]

Dust extraction not necessary if the head is still "soggy when performing the transplant - just lots of paper kitchen towels.

;-)

AES