Joke thread
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Cabinetman
Established Member
You’ve lost me there too
Adam W.
A Major Clanger
I'm lost too and so is my wife.
Decaffeinated coffee lacks the caffeine kick and in this respect pales in comparison (is a joke) with normal coffee.
In a sense, similar to near beer.
Cabinetman
Established Member
It's a still shot from the movie "Die Hard" with Bruce Willis.
Never deen 'Die Hard'? The greatest Chrimby movie of all time?
A 45 year old guy has recently married a stunning younger woman, just 22 years old, and moved into a large house.
They have a gardener that comes in 3 times a week to keep the garden in order.
On his last visit before Christmas the young lady calls him to the door and says "I don't think there's much needs doing in the garden today, but please come in I've got something for you."
He goes in and she leads him to the kitchen,sits him at the breakfast bar and presents him with a large full English breakfast and a mug of tea, he's somewhat surprised but gets stuck in hungrily.
As he's nearly finished the young lady excuses herself from the room, 10 minutes later she reappears dressed only in the skimpiest of lingerie, he stares open mouthed, she takes him by the hand, leads him upstairs to the bedroom and they have the most amazing 2 hours of sex he's ever had.
Afterwards she slips on a robe and leads him down to the front door, she opens the door for him and as he's about to leave she says
"Oh, just a minute I nearly forgot" she reaches into the robe pocket takes out a £1 coin and hands it to him "this is for you Merry Christmas." she says.
He's dumbfounded and says " sorry but I've got to ask, most of my clients give me a few quid or a bottle of something at Christmas, but why this?"
Well it was my Husbands idea really" she replies "last night I asked him what we should give you for a Christmas gift, cash, bottle of Whisky or what? And he said F*@!" Him, give him a pound.............. but the breakfast was my idea!"
Nick
They have a gardener that comes in 3 times a week to keep the garden in order.
On his last visit before Christmas the young lady calls him to the door and says "I don't think there's much needs doing in the garden today, but please come in I've got something for you."
He goes in and she leads him to the kitchen,sits him at the breakfast bar and presents him with a large full English breakfast and a mug of tea, he's somewhat surprised but gets stuck in hungrily.
As he's nearly finished the young lady excuses herself from the room, 10 minutes later she reappears dressed only in the skimpiest of lingerie, he stares open mouthed, she takes him by the hand, leads him upstairs to the bedroom and they have the most amazing 2 hours of sex he's ever had.
Afterwards she slips on a robe and leads him down to the front door, she opens the door for him and as he's about to leave she says
"Oh, just a minute I nearly forgot" she reaches into the robe pocket takes out a £1 coin and hands it to him "this is for you Merry Christmas." she says.
He's dumbfounded and says " sorry but I've got to ask, most of my clients give me a few quid or a bottle of something at Christmas, but why this?"
Well it was my Husbands idea really" she replies "last night I asked him what we should give you for a Christmas gift, cash, bottle of Whisky or what? And he said F*@!" Him, give him a pound.............. but the breakfast was my idea!"
Nick
Blackswanwood
Still Learning
Blackswanwood
Still Learning
I think Maureen Lipman summed it up this week when she said "Something has to be forbidden to make you laugh, really belly laugh.”
Excellent!
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Never deen 'Die Hard'? The greatest Chrimby movie of all time?
It certainly in in the top 5 anyway.
As mentioned every year for the past 2 decades "there are those that think Die Hard is a Christmas film and then there are those that are wrong".
PS - John McClane/B Willis in the vent shaft. The one with the late great Alan Rickman and the New Dawn (or something) outfit
stuart little
Established Member
Hey guys; I'm on TV this weekend!!
stuart little
Established Member
Well, ok.
It rocked somebody's boat, but mine remained in a flat calm.
It rocked somebody's boat, but mine remained in a flat calm.
Doug B
Shy Tot
kinverkid
Established Member
A bit piratist if you ask me.
Cozzer
Established Member
And in the spirit of spoonerism - as in "lay of wife" and "pransome hince" - may I take this opportunity to wish you all a very Crappy Histmas.....
Cake tare.
Cake tare.
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