irish jokes

[Lons]

Don't know if this breaks forum rules - hope not.
Had a bad weekend but this made me laugh - old ones are the best!



Paddy and Mick go to London to donate sperm.

It was a disaster!

Paddy missed the tube and Mick came on the bus!

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Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.

The operator asks "How many people are flying with you?"

Paddy replies "I don't know! It’s your plane!"


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Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.
Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off,
I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"
He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts

"I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!"

Murphy watches in amazement!

The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home"

So he leaves the site.

Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.

"Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.

"I can't work in the friggin' dark!" says Murphy.

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Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night.

After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says "I wonder how the girls are getting on".
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Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says
"You know what I want, don't you?"


"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole bed by the looks of it!"

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Q. What's a Catholic priest and a pint of Guinness got in common?

A. A black coat, white collar and you've got to watch your buttocks if you get a dodgy one!

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Paddy, the electrician, got sacked from the U...S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair.

He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!


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Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whose head was found on Arbroath beach was asked to identify her.

A detective held up the head to which point Paddy said "I don't think that's her, she wasn't that tall!"

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Paddy and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbours' dog is barking like mad in the garden.

Paddy says "To hell with this!" and storms off.

He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks "What did you do?"

Paddy replies "I've put the dog in our garden. Let's see how they like it!"

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Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue.

"Be Jeysus!" he said, "I didn't even know they had mobile phones!"

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Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.

Mick say "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"

Paddy says "What's his name?"

Mick replies "Miles, from London !"

 

[Noel]

Us poor Irish...
Couple of good ones there.

 

[big soft moose]

Paddy and mick are in the job centre

"look here" says paddy " if we got donal to join us we could do that"

the ad reads "tree fellers wanted"

 

[pren]

Paddy pulls along side a truck that's driving down the road.

"Oi! Yer losin' yer load!" he shouts.

"pipper off" shouts the driver.

"Oi! I said yer losin yer feckin' load, yer eejit! Stop!" Paddy shouts again.

Driver shouts back:
"I said pipper off, you thick turnip. I'm gritting!"

 

[mrfixit]

We call them Kerry-men jokes. I think I've heard em' all. :wink:

Anyway.

Q. What's the difference between an Irish wedding and Irish wake?

A. About one pint of Guinness.

 

[Noel]

Just as a general discussion point there's been a few comments made through the report button. Basically some feel that Irish jokes are racist. Technically of course they are in the sense that they are 100% demeaning to a particular nationality.
But is political correctness gone overboard? I've most likely heard more of these jokes than most and I've been telling them all my life. Perhaps if these posts were mixed in amongst the general joke thread it might not be an issue?
Any views?

 

[Digit]

An Irishman is drinking in his local with an English friend when the barman speaks to to the Englishman, who ignores him as he can't understand what the barman said.
'Is your mate feking thick?' he storms at the Irishman?
'No, of course he's not, he's English!'
The barman replies, 'That's what I feking said!'

I got that from an Irishman!

Roy.

 

[studders]

Perhaps if these posts were mixed in amongst the general joke thread it might not be an issue?
Any views?

I can see how some may get a bit peed off with it. I think your idea is good to move it to the joke thread.

BTW It don't offend me but then I'm not the recipient in this case but, being a time served slaphead, I've been the recipient of my fair share and it don't bother me none.

Yours

Hairless of Tunbridge Wells.

 

[dedee]

It is something I find very strange. An irishman can tell jokes about his own kin without raising an eyebrow but as soon as a non irish comedian tells the same joke it can be perceived by some as being wrong.

As with all levels of communication it is important that the receiver tries to understand the intent behind a joke/comment.

Andy

 

[Digit]

One of the funniest jokes I've heard is in the same category, but Jewish, and I'm Jewish and it's still funny!

Roy.

 

[RogerS]

Just as a general discussion point there's been a few comments made through the report button. Basically some feel that Irish jokes are racist. Technically of course they are in the sense that they are 100% demeaning to a particular nationality.
But is political correctness gone overboard? I've most likely heard more of these jokes than most and I've been telling them all my life. Perhaps if these posts were mixed in amongst the general joke thread it might not be an issue?
Any views?

Those that haven't got a life will find something somewhere to object to regardless. It goes back to one of my other posts somewhere or other along the lines of....if you aren't the object of whatever it is then butt out.

 

[studders]

Those that haven't got a life will find something somewhere to object to regardless.

I object..... errr..... no hang on......

I don't object.

 

[Mike.C]

Just as a general discussion point there's been a few comments made through the report button. Basically some feel that Irish jokes are racist. Technically of course they are in the sense that they are 100% demeaning to a particular nationality.
But is political correctness gone overboard? I've most likely heard more of these jokes than most and I've been telling them all my life. Perhaps if these posts were mixed in amongst the general joke thread it might not be an issue?
Any views?

Coming from a large Irish family and being the only one who was not born in Ireland (London and proud of it) I am very protective of the Emerald Isle and the people from it, but like most Irish who are full of fun and mischief themselves, these sort of jokes mean nothing. They laugh them off, like they try and laugh off most things in their lives. To me the Irish are the most fun loving nation in the world bar none. There are things said about the Irish that are racist and demeaning and I have lost a couple of so called friends over the years because of these sort of things, but jokes like those above would not be seen by most Irish as racist. In fact they would probably laugh along with the joke teller, and then give them as good as they got.

Cheers

Mike

 

[MikeG.]

I'll admit to reporting this.

I hate racial stereotyping of any sort.....Welshmen & New Zealanders with sheep, Irishmen being dim, Scotsman being tight, etc. I always ask the question "would this be acceptable if you replaced the butt of this joke with a black man or someone gay or someone crippled?". All of those in the past were acceptable targets for jokes.

I love a good joke, but think that Irish jokes should be consigned to history along with anything else that makes it acceptable to denigrate whole groups of people.

I'll bet no-one can repudiate my reasoning without including the meaningless phrase "politically correct"!

Mike

 

[big soft moose]

Just as a general discussion point there's been a few comments made through the report button. Basically some feel that Irish jokes are racist. Technically of course they are in the sense that they are 100% demeaning to a particular nationality.
But is political correctness gone overboard? I've most likely heard more of these jokes than most and I've been telling them all my life. Perhaps if these posts were mixed in amongst the general joke thread it might not be an issue?
Any views?

Those that haven't got a life will find something somewhere to object to regardless. It goes back to one of my other posts somewhere or other along the lines of....if you aren't the object of whatever it is then butt out.

true, it would be interesting to know how many of the reportees are actually irish (none would be my guess)

virtually all jokes are potentially "offensive" to one or other minority or group - whether thats irish, poles, blondes, slap heads, fat people, thin people, jews or whatever - We didnt see jake getting bent out of shape when we were telling lawyer jokes

so long as its obvious that the intent is to amuse rather than bully and the object of the joke doesnt object anyone else who finds the idea offensive has the option of not reading the thread (and for that reason i think they are better on a seperate thread than mixed in the general jokes thread)

 

[studders]

I was going to reply but I really can't be pineappled with another pointless argument. So this isn't a reply, I wasn't even here.

 

[big soft moose]

I'll bet no-one can repudiate my reasoning without including the meaningless phrase "politically correct"!

Mike

mike - are you irish ?

If not why be offended by something that has little to do with you -especially when irish such as noel and t'other mike clearly arent.

The thread title makes it abundantly clear what the thread contains so if you thought it was going to offend you why look ?

 

[big soft moose]

I'll bet no-one can repudiate my reasoning without including the meaningless phrase "politically correct"!

Mike

mike - are you irish ?

If not why be offended by something that has little to do with you -especially when irish such as noel and t'other mike clearly arent.

The thread title makes it abundantly clear what the thread contains so if you thought it was going to offend you why look ?

 

[big soft moose]

I'll bet no-one can repudiate my reasoning without including the meaningless phrase "politically correct"!

Mike

mike - are you irish ?

If not why be offended by something that has little to do with you -especially when irish such as noel and t'other mike clearly arent.

The thread title makes it abundantly clear what the thread contains so if you thought it was going to offend you why look ?

 

[studders]

There's an echo in here. :shock: