De-stressing

[Frank S]

My wife gets a bit stressed on occasions. When this happens I make up nonsense rhymes to make her laugh, here are two of my latest;
A young cannibal girl from Dundee
Had a most beautiful knee
When asked, why the one?
She said just ask my mum
She cooked it and had it for tea.

There was a young girl name of Nelly
Had a peculiar belly
When it rumbled and shook
People wanted to look
So her mum put it out on the telly.


Does anybody else do such daft things, If so, why not share them ?
Frank.

 

[Mark A]

When I was young this was my favourite:

He stood on the bridge at midnight
His lips were all a-quiver
He gave a cough
His leg fell off
And floated down the river

 

[DiscoStu]

On fine day in the middle of the night.

Two dead men got up to fight

Back to back they faced each other

Drew their swords and shot each other.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Doug B]

In the street of a thousand pineapples
By the sign of the swinging pineapple
Who flung dung was murdered
By his brother who flung pineapples


Looses a little with the swear filter :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[Harbo]

I used to sing this to the Beatles song
"Eleanor Rigby picking her nose in the church when there's nobody there"
My wife thought those were the proper words until someone put her right

Rod

 

[Bm101]

Sorry Frank. Really.

There was a young Vampire named Mable,
With periods remarkably stable.
So every Full Moon,
With the aid of a spoon,
She drank herself under the table.

That's what you get for asking a window cleaner to recite poetry.

 

[Fitzroy]

It was springtime in the Rockies and the snow was raining fast, when a barefooted man on horseback came slowly whizzing past, he turned a straight cooked corner to see a dead donkey die, so he took out his knife and shot it and sent it bow legged in one eye.

A rhyme my father used to say, not a scooby doo what it means.

F.

 

[graduate_owner]

Well there is always:-

On the bridge stood the vicar of Buckingham

But all the remaining rhyming lines would be pineappled out so I won't bother typing them.

K

 

[dynax]

A couple from my school days,

Hey diddle diddle,
the cat had a piddle, all over the kitchen mat,
the little dog laughed, to see such fun,
and piddled all over the cat.

There was a young man from Brazil,
who swallowed a dynamite pill,
his a*se backfired, his w*lly retired,
and his b*lls went over the hill.

 

[rafezetter]

In a similar theme to Dynax's:

There was an old Scot named Douglas
Who had balls that were made out of brass
When they clanged together
They played "Stormy weather"
And lightning shot out of his a$$.

 

[Frank S]

I think you lot are just as mad as me !!!!
F.

 

[Droogs]

in the style of Mcgonigle
my favourite Ode to a lemon
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoh sqaushy yellow roondish fruit
you've gone mouldy, so Ill throw you oooot

 

[Shultzy]

I remember these two verses from "First Aid in English" and that's 55 years ago.

The elephant is a bonnie bird,
It flits from bough to bough,
It makes its nest in a rhubarb tree
And whistles like a cow

Twas in the month of Liverpool,
In the city of July,
The snow was raining heavily,
The streets were very dry.
The flowers were sweetly singing,
The birds were in full bloom,
As I went down to the cellar,
To clean an upstairs room.

 

[lurker]

Not the same genre, but here is my stress buster

Picture yourself near a stream
Birds are already chirping in the cool mountain air
No one but you knows your secret space
You are in total seclusion from the hectic called “The World”
The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity
The water is crystal clear
You can easily make out the face of the person you’re holding underwater

 

[Aggrajag]

I made this up when I was about 8, 40 years ago...

There was a young mouse from Rye
Who wanted to learn how to fly
He climbed up a tree
Said "Good luck to me"
And fainted it was that high

 

[Phil Pascoe]

Stress buster? Half a dozen pints of Weston's 8.4% cider and a couple of large morphines. Guaranteed to work.

 

[Ian down london way]

There was an old man from Dunoon
Who always ate soup with a fork
For he said "as I eat
Neither fish, fowl nor flesh,
I would otherwise finish too quickly"

 

[doctor Bob]

Mary had a little lamb,
Full of fun and frollics
One day it jumped a five bar gate
and got caught up by its ....... horns.

 

[Bm101]

That's one unlucky lamb.
In the version I remember
Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon
10 000 volts shot up its a***
And turned it wool to nylon.

 

[Aggrajag]

And my lamb one which shockingly I knew as a kid...

Mary had a little lamb
She tied it up with bunting
She led it down the garden path
And kicked it's little, err, head in.