Winter fuel allowance.

[whiskywill]

WINTER FUEL ALLOWANCE

About this time of the year, older taxpayers will again be receiving another Winter Fuel’ payment.

This is indeed a very exciting programme, and the best way to explain it is by using a Q & A format:

Q. What is Winter Fuel’ payment ?
A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money ?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase gas and electricity... or a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. Economy by spending your Winter Fuel’ cheque wisely:

* If you spend the money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China , Taiwan or Sri Lanka

* If you spend it on petrol your money will go to the Arabs

* If you purchase a computer it will go to India , Taiwan or China

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala
* If you buy an efficient car it will go to Japan or Korea

*If you purchase useless stuff it will go to Taiwan

If you pay off your credit cards or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in the UK by:

1. Spending it at car boot sales
2. Going to night clubs
3. Spending it on prostitutes
4. Buying beer or whiskey
5. Getting yourself a Tattoo
6. Visiting a bookie

(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )

Conclusion:
Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you
met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night !

No need to thank me...just glad I could be of help.

 

[Jonzjob]

it's OK for you lot. It looks as if we won't be getting it after next year even although we have paid into the same system as you.

Why? Because the U.K. "government" decided to take France's DOM/TOMs, Dominions and territories overseas, into account and they are all in hot climates. There are a recorded 30 British ex-pats living in all of them ! There are about 300,000 living in mainland France.

The temps we get down here directly South of Paris are far colder than we used to get in Stroud.

Like the spending ideas though, well apart from the tattoos, can't stand them. I hope for the sake of the people who got them as a fashion item the fashion lasts a long time???

 

[wizard]

I will be spending mine on gas to keep warm.

 

[whiskywill]

it's OK for you lot.

But France is sunny. I've been there. :wink:

 

[ChrisR]

Conclusion:
Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you
met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night !

That’s how I would like to spend mine, but the boss, her with the long hair, I am sure would not approve, so will have to spend it on gas/heating, boring.

Take care.

Chris R.

 

[Alex H]

it's OK for you lot.

But France is sunny. I've been there. :wink:

It is where John is, I've just been

 

[Jonzjob]

That's the place Alex. Just about 8 miles away. I haven't seen it since about 5 this afternoon :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

This was our place a few years back



Bin the same several times since too. I'm going to complain to Mr Hollande if it happens again! We pay our taxes and we want warm not cold!!! (hammer)

Tad tooo cold for a swim too and the sunloungers? Well?? :shock: :shock: