UK Tax Guidance

[Lons]

UK Tax Guidance

Sometime this year, we UK taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:


Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?

A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers.


Q.. Where will the government get this money ?

A. From taxpayers.


Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?

A. Only a smidgen of it.


Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.


Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.


Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. economy by spending your stimulus cheque wisely:



* If you spend the stimulus money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China , Taiwan or Sri Lanka .

* If you spend it on petrol, your money will go to the Arabs.

* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China .

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala ..

* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .

* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .

* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in the UK by :

1) Spending it at car boot sales, or

2) Going to night clubs, or

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
4) Buy Beer or whiskey, or

5) Get yourself a Tattoo, or

6) Visit a bookie, or

(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )

Conclusion:[/size]

Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night ! [/color]


No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.








Disclaimer:

 

[mailee]

:lol: :lol: :lol: Right that sounds like a good idea when do we get it?

 

[PMK54]

If I get a £100 rebate should I go with one £100 hooker or five at £20 a trick?

 

[gregmcateer]

Very good!

 

[chunkolini]

Yawn.

More boring racist foreigner bashing, a stream of hopless negative consciousness.
is this supposed to be amusing?

 

[Kalimna]

How exactly does one bash a racist foreigner? I didn't notice any suchlike in the OP. And I'm not all too sure what the lack of hopping has got to do with it either.

Yawn.

Adam S

 

[Lons]

Yawn.

More boring racist foreigner bashing, a stream of hopless negative consciousness.
is this supposed to be amusing?

Well clearly not amusing to some but it made me smile which is why I posted it.
Each to his own and I appologise for the fact you found it offensive enough to make such comments though I fail to see why you would bother to attack my post if you found it so boring. :?

Maybe lighten up a little would be my response :!:

Bob

 

[BTR]

I am a bit confused :? how can it be racist ? .

 

[nanscombe]

Yawn.

More boring racist foreigner bashing, a stream of hopless negative consciousness.
is this supposed to be amusing?

It may, or may not, be funny but that doesn't make it any less true.


Given what we hear about human trafficing would visiting a prostitute necessarily keep the money in the Uk anyway?

 

[DIY Stew]

Bob

I like it and would just like to add I am proud to say I have done 5 of the 6 tips to 'keep money in the UK' and before you ask, no I am not going to tell you which one I still have to do.

Stew :lol:

By the way Whats a car boot sale?

 

[Lons]

Bob

I like it and would just like to add I am proud to say I have done 5 of the 6 tips to 'keep money in the UK' and before you ask, no I am not going to tell you which one I still have to do.

Stew :lol:

By the way Whats a car boot sale?

What was your wifes tel number again?

 

[Gerard Scanlan]

Amusing slant on a European wide problem.
If we aren't prepared to pay for things made in the UK or Europe because they are 'too expensive' we will eventually have given the people who make the cheap and inferior stuff all our money. I do not have a problem with buying well made stuff that is produced outside Europe but why do people continue to buy stuff they end up throwing away within weeks?
You can infact still buy things made in the UK that are well made and although not cheap they won't break the bank. For example 100 quid will get you 5 nice Sheffield made chisels! You can then use them to make a nice chest of drawers from local wood and save yourself from more IKEA mdf stuff that falls apart.

The major benefit of this is that you will be so busy making something satisfying that you won't be tempted to spend your money elsewhere

Of course if the chisel makers in Sheffield decide they want a holiday in Sunny Spain the money will leave the UK and then the Spanyards may spend it on cheap eastern imports...
I assume that eventually China will get fed up lending us money to buy their stuff and they won't sell or lend us anything anymore.

 

[Losos]

but why do people continue to buy stuff they end up throwing away within weeks?

A very good question. On another forum I am registered on a women was asking about buying a decent torch (So she could walk her dog in the dark) I posted up details of the Cluson which is a very powerful, solid, reliable, torch made in Petersfield Hampshire but she latter posted that she had bought 'on line'some far eastern made one but the UK importer had e-mailed to say they were out of stock, she waited several weeks and no torch, so she didn't cancel the order but went out and bought another far eastern made torch, smaller and without re-charge facilty.

So now she's spent more on the two torches than the Cluson one, and has gone through loads of batteries on the second one which is not re-chargeable :roll: :x :lol:

That's the attitude of people today :x The more I see of humans the more I like my dogs :lol: