gregmcateer
Established Member
Circular Saw
A portable cutting tool, used to make boards too short.
Belt Sander
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major finishing jobs.
Band Saw
A larger stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut large pieces of timber into smaller ones that fit more easily in the trash after you cut on the wrong side of the line.
Two Ton Engine Hoist
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of all the bits you forgot to disconnect.
Phillips Screwdriver
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old style paper and tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt.
Can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
Flat Blade Screwdriver
A tool for opening paint tins. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non removable screws.
Also used for butchering the palm of the user.
Crow Bar
A tool used to crumple the metal clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50p part.
PVC Pipe Cutter
A tool used to make plastic pipe too short.
Hammer
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object one is trying to hit.
Stanley Knife
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard boxes delivered to your front door. Works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund cheques and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes.
Wire Wheel
Cleans paint off bolts then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard earned calluses in about the time as it takes to say "oh dear".
Pillar Drill
A tall, upright machine, useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer accross the room, denting the freshly painted project which had been carefully set aside in the corner to prevent it from coming to harm.
Pipe Grips
Used to round of bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood blisters.
Hacksaw
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
Mole Grips
Generally used after pliers to complete the rounding off of bolt heads. If nothing else is available they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of the hand.
Oxyacetylene Torch
Used almost entirely for igniting various flammable objects in your garage and creating a fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a wheel hub when removing a bearing race.
Circular Saw Bench
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wooden projectiles for testing wall integrity. Very effective for digit removal.
Trolley Jack
Used for lowering a car to the ground following brake shoe replacement, trapping the handle under the bumper.
A portable cutting tool, used to make boards too short.
Belt Sander
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major finishing jobs.
Band Saw
A larger stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut large pieces of timber into smaller ones that fit more easily in the trash after you cut on the wrong side of the line.
Two Ton Engine Hoist
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of all the bits you forgot to disconnect.
Phillips Screwdriver
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old style paper and tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt.
Can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
Flat Blade Screwdriver
A tool for opening paint tins. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non removable screws.
Also used for butchering the palm of the user.
Crow Bar
A tool used to crumple the metal clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50p part.
PVC Pipe Cutter
A tool used to make plastic pipe too short.
Hammer
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object one is trying to hit.
Stanley Knife
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard boxes delivered to your front door. Works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund cheques and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes.
Wire Wheel
Cleans paint off bolts then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard earned calluses in about the time as it takes to say "oh dear".
Pillar Drill
A tall, upright machine, useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer accross the room, denting the freshly painted project which had been carefully set aside in the corner to prevent it from coming to harm.
Pipe Grips
Used to round of bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood blisters.
Hacksaw
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
Mole Grips
Generally used after pliers to complete the rounding off of bolt heads. If nothing else is available they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of the hand.
Oxyacetylene Torch
Used almost entirely for igniting various flammable objects in your garage and creating a fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a wheel hub when removing a bearing race.
Circular Saw Bench
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wooden projectiles for testing wall integrity. Very effective for digit removal.
Trolley Jack
Used for lowering a car to the ground following brake shoe replacement, trapping the handle under the bumper.
