Things that kids say.

[whiskywill]

My nearly 4 year old son has, we believe, a lactose intolerance. We are waiting for an appointment to confirm this but meanwhile are avoiding giving him anything with milk in. He has got into the habit of asking every time he is offered something to eat "Has bacon got milk in?", "Has cucumber got milk in?" or "Has jam got milk in?".
Last weekend we were at an airshow and towards the end of the afternoon he had seen enough and wanted to go home. It was only 5 minutes before the Red Arrows were due so I said " We will wait to see the Red Arrows and then we will go home" His response was " Have the Red Arrows got milk in?"

 

[Lons]

Oue 4 year old granddaughter, when she was 3, in the back of my wifes car says " granma, are you a good driver?" "I think so, I try to be" says my missus. "Well you've just gone through an orange light!" It was a ped X with no one on it.
Later while waiting at road works says " you"re very patient granma, my daddy is patient as well, mummy isn't and granpa is very impatient"

Out of the mouth of babes.

 

[jpt]

I have a lactose intolerance as well and have had for the last 40 years for definite and probably since I was born.

Things are much easier these days as there are a number of products which are lacto free such as https://www.arlafoods.co.uk/lactofree/ I use the milk not too keen on the other stuff.

In addition I use these pills http://www.hollandandbarrett.com/shop/p ... g-60004930 yes they are expensive but if you wait till they have a sale on they are good value and means I can eat ice cream etc.

I realise this wasnt why you made the post but thought it might help.

john

 

[Phil Pascoe]

I worked years ago with a woman who had delusions of grandeur, a very pleasant woman but you'd have thought she was to the manor born, not a lifetime inhabitant of the nearest council estate. Her husband and two sons were both miners who swore for England. One day she was in the local supermarket with her three year old granddaughter queueing at the checkout and there was a child screaming at the top of its voice. It went on and on and on until abruptly it stopped. As happens at times like this everyone who had been trying to talk over it stopped for a few seconds ... until the silence was broken by the little girl's voice, loud and clear as a bell - "Thank f**k for that, grandma, the whingeing little basstard's shut up."

 

[finneyb]

My 4 years old granddaughter - after have a storybook with an owl in the story read to her ' If owls are nocturnal ...... are we turnal? '

 

[Phil Pascoe]

My daughter was three when she said something a bit clever. My wife said that's very astute of you - yes, she replied, I'm feeling very astutey today.

 

[Steve Maskery]

Once I went on holiday and the Rep was one of the owners of the business. She was French.

I guess she was in her sixties then, but she came to England as a teenager student and stayed. She learned her English from her boyfriend and his rugby-playing mates. Invited to tea with her prospective in-laws, she, apparently, made her appreciated clear;

"Mrs Ben-David, these cakes are F****** good!"

Not quite the mouth of babes, but linguistically close.

 

[Phil Pascoe]

The landlady of my old local's Canadian m.i.l. announced to a very busy bar that she thought her d.i.l. had a beautiful fanny.

 

[Gill]

During a long car trip, my young nieces became bored. So I found a couple of pieces of loose thread and fashioned them into impromptu dolls for the girls to play with. Unfortunately, the threads were not of equal rigidity which meant that one doll was pronouncedly more limp than the other. My husband said the next two hours driving were the most challenging he had ever known as we heard the children happily and innocently playing with 'Mr Stiffy' and 'Mr Floppy' in the back of the car.

 

[monkeybiter]

Nativity play, Mary and Joseph arrive at the inn, Innkeeper tells Mary she can come in, turns to Joseph "You can f*ck off because I wanted to be Joseph!"
The audience liked it [mostly]

 

[selectortone]

My son used to refer to his infant school as "Corpus Krispies".

 

[Phil Pascoe]

There's a place near us called Paradise Park. Unfortunately it has been known in our household since my daughter was about two as Parasite Park.

 

[monkeybiter]

My son [~20 yrs ago]
"Good morning Mr. Magpie,
How's your daily wife?"

 

[Lons]

Sent a message to my granddaughter saying we miss and love her, son has just messaged back with her reply " I need a wee"

On same subject my son when 4 or 5 went to the bog and shouts " mum, does a willy have a bone in it?" Missus said " ask your dad when he gets home", luckily he'd forgotten by then.

 

[Phil Pascoe]

Mummy ... what's an orgasm? Ask your father ...

 

[whiskywill]

I have a lactose intolerance as well and have had for the last 40 years for definite and probably since I was born.

Things are much easier these days as there are a number of products which are lacto free such as https://www.arlafoods.co.uk/lactofree/ I use the milk not too keen on the other stuff.

In addition I use these pills http://www.hollandandbarrett.com/shop/p ... g-60004930 yes they are expensive but if you wait till they have a sale on they are good value and means I can eat ice cream etc.

I realise this wasnt why you made the post but thought it might help.

john

Thanks for the information. It's amazing how many things include the use of milk powder in their list of ingredients. Fortunately, he understands the problem and he is happy to go without ice cream and even eats his morning Weetabix without any kind of milk on them.

 

[whiskywill]

I was at the local swimming pool with my, then 3 year old, twins who, rather than having been given pet names for their private parts, have been taught, by Mummy, the proper biological terms. My daughter was trying to tell me something but, over the din of a swimming pool, I couldn't understand her. I asked her to speak slowly and to shout louder. She said "My vulva's hurting" just as the patrolling lifeguard was passing.

 

[Robbo3]

Having a sing-a-long in the car on long journeys, my daughter would sing ;
Oh, my, what a rotten sod,
What a rotten sod, What a rotten sod
Oh, my, what a rotten sod
What a rotten singer too.

 

[woodenstx]

We have been teaching our 8yr old about swearing (I'd rather she was armed with the right words/context/understanding of it, than them being taboo). Shes very polite depsite my colourful language :lol: Anyway we refer to her parts as a Minky, and of late if we are messing about she calls us a "man Minky" :lol:

 

[whiskywill]

On the school run yesterday morning the Radio 4 news type programme was talking about the U.K's attempt to join the Common Market a long time ago and they played a clip of an interview with ex Prime Minster, Harold Wilson. My four year old daughter said " Is that a robot talking?"