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One for the ladies/

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Jonzjob

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When you have to visit a public toilet, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the cubicle doors.



Every cubicle is occupied.


Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the cubicle. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!


The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mum, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your bag on the door hook, if there was one, so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mum would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!) down with your pants and assume ' The Stance.


In this position, your aging, toneless, thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but having not taken time to wipe the seat or to lay toilet paper on it, you hold 'The Stance.'


To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser.
In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Dear, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more.


You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your bag (the bag around your neck, that now you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do, so you crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.


Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.


The door hits your bag, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest and you and your bag topple backward against the tank of the toilet.


'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, while losing your footing altogether and sliding down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.
You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.


By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl and spraying a fine mist of water that covers your bum and runs down your legs and into your shoes.


The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force and you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.


At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a sweet wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.


You can't figure out how to operate the taps with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting
You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it?)


You yank the paper from your shoe, plonk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and left the men's toilet. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long and why is your bag hanging around your neck?


This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with any public toilets. It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers that other commonly asked question about why women go to the toilets in pairs. It's so the other girl can hold the door, hang onto your bag and hand you Kleenex under the door.


This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so accurately.


Send this to all women that need a good laugh and to the boys to make them understand that being a girl is not all that easy!


A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...
Hard to Find
Supportive
Comfortable
Always Lifts You Up
Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!

Share this with a friend!
I Just Did!
 

Jensmith

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That was brilliant. The tears are tripping down my cheeks with laughing.
 

Lons

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My wife was in stitches last week. (Well saw the funny side later).

Went to a loo in Singapore and found herself looking for the bog roll - none - not even a holder!
Seems there is a huge roll outside the toilets and you have to tear some off and take it in with you.

She wasn't amused at first, especially when she saw the tears rolling down my face.

Thank God I'm a bloke is all I can say!
 

Lons

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Jonzjob":3ug4vv4i said:
That doesn't sound as if the S/pore loos have changed much since I was there in the late 60s then :mrgreen: :mrgreen: )
It's the first time we've stayed over in Singapore as usually just a few hours in the airport and we were very impressed.

The city is very clean with excellent shopping and transport links. prices are reasonable and the people are so friendly and helpful. The Christmas lights were all in place and take some beating as does the Marine bay.

One interesting thing the taxi driver told us was that the 3 lane dual carriage motorway to the airport has a special feature which to date hasn't been used.
It has been planned as an emergency runway for the largest airliners. Trees along the sides have been trimmed and the lamposts can be "folded". The centre area between the roads has removable barriers and all the trees and plants are in pots. Apparently in an emergency, everything can be removed within 20 minutes :shock:

I thought the toilets were excellent BTW, but then I didn't need to look for a bog roll :lol:

Bob
 

BigShot

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Lons":3sheh1yh said:
One interesting thing the taxi driver told us was that the 3 lane dual carriage motorway to the airport has a special feature which to date hasn't been used.
It has been planned as an emergency runway for the largest airliners. Trees along the sides have been trimmed and the lamposts can be "folded". The centre area between the roads has removable barriers and all the trees and plants are in pots. Apparently in an emergency, everything can be removed within 20 minutes :shock:
Awesome!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMEuEF9-UbU Skip to 1:30 if you're the impatient sort.

(Never expected a reason to post THAT video on a woodworking forum.)
 

Jonzjob

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I could never understand how they reached flying speed with such a short ramp? Must be true though :?

Stil with a slight slant on the subject of loos. Singapore in the durian season has to be experianced to believe it. The smell is something else and I never managed to get past it to try the taste. It is said that to eat durian is like eating wonderful peaches and cream in the dirtiest toilet in Singapore and when I was there that was the one in Boogie Street!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2d7WsPWqG0
 

woodbloke

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Jonzjob":1rmqwwub said:
That doesn't sound as if the S/pore loos have changed much since I was there in the late 60s then :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

Mind you, they were a bit more civilised on the R.A.F. stations 8) 8)
If you were there when the Ark Royal (the big, proper a/c, not the 'toy' they've just got rid of) was on deployment to the Far East, my dad was there at the same time as you...many is the tale I've been told of Singapore (and the Ark) in the 60's. Problem is I can't remember them now :cry: - Rob
 

devonwoody

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My wife came out of a ladies convenience in the USA many years ago with a smirk on her face.

She said, "funny there was an engraved plaque in the cubicle requesting ladies not to was their hair in the pan"

I suppose in .......... better not go there.
 

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