Marriage breakup

[Steve Maskery]

In my experience it doesn't matter who did what, who walked out, after how long. None of it matters. All that matters is who has the more expensive solicitor. 50/50 is only a starting point, after that it is each man for himself, and money talks.

Bitter, moi?

 

[david123]

I must admit, I now realise that it is a bit of a minefield out there. Thanks for all your advice it has all been noted down.
The solicitor issue seems to have been mentioned rather a lot and we have taken heed.hope I never have to go down that road.
The mediation service is initially what we will advise after trying to sort out something between them selfs, makes sense.

Thanks

 

[Ian down london way]

You may want to check out the situation regarding the legal status of the property ownership. specifcally, whether its joint ownership or tenents in common. If using mediation service, I'm sure that will come up.

http://www.stephens-scown.co.uk/blog/20 ... in-common/

(My wife and I bought our first property before we were married, but as she was investing inheritted money, more than I could inject by mortgage, we did tennants in common with her owning a defined 2/3 or the property. Upon getting married we changed it to joint tennants as a deliberate decisions).

 

[david123]

Thanks Ian I will bookmark that to, it may come in useful later.

 

[Graham Orm]

Go to a solicitor. My gut feeling is that after 30 years everything will be 50 50 regardless. If the law weren't such an unbalanced ass he would be chasing her for maintenance. That's how it would be if it were the other way round and he had been the solicitor and she had a small income job.

 

[pebbles]

My memory of the process (after a 21 year marriage) was that the Court took into account the financial status/earning capacity of us both at that time. We both had to complete something called a "Form E" which laid out absolutely everything financial, these were then exchanged between us, we both had opportunity to comment, followed by a "First Appointment" with the judge (just the three of us in chambers, not open court) then a final meeting with the judge (again in chambers) who then determined the Financial Order.

Memory's a bit hazy on detail (isn't that long ago, but am good at forgetting the bad things in life!!!!) but that was the general line of events doing it ourselves.

My personal experience of the solicitor I used was that she almost rubbed her hands in glee at the convoluted documents coming in from the other side... which she then took hours to read, then pages of reply to me... in a format that was as incomprehensible as the other side's... And anyone who knows me will appreciate that I'm not exactly stupid!

 

[Flynnwood]

+1

I wouldn't trust a solictor as far as I could throw them. They will just play the game, and make money.

Back and forth, back and forth.

Better to talk it through, knowing that it will be the least expensive option for both (in the end).

 

[Graham Orm]

+1

I wouldn't trust a solictor as far as I could throw them. They will just play the game, and make money.

Back and forth, back and forth.

Better to talk it through, knowing that it will be the least expensive option for both (in the end).

I agree 100% with the solicitor sentiment. I'm currently an executor for a friends Will and the solicitors are stringing everything out. Every time they ring me they keep me on the phone clocking up the minutes. She's much younger and way out of my league, but she flirts when she meets me and pretends she's my best friend. They think you're daft.

However, having been through a nasty divorce some years ago I couldn't have coped without one. I was taken to the cleaners and would have been left begging in the street but for having a solicitor. It's an extremely emotional time and impossible to make rational decisions. The solicitor will have their own agenda, which has making money as priority number one. You are constantly wondering 'is this really necessary?'.

 

[Lons]

I don't have personal experience but I had an aquaintance who was a solicitor and he'd have sold his granny if there was a few quid in it!
Unfortunately however it's highly likely that your brother in law will need one as his wife will be very clued up financially and if the divorce is acrimonious it could get messy and expensive.

Without knowing the facts or the reasons for the split, on paper it should be straightforward and I know when it happened to my sister a lot of years ago, even though she was the "guilty party" and there were kids involved they had mediation and sorted it amicably.

If disproportionate deposits etc were involved in house purchases she'd have to prove it which she could find difficult unless their finances were always kept seperate. Even if she did, it might well be that he paid for household items, holidays etc. He may also have a strong argument that he put more manual time and labour into the estate which has added value. The pension issue is a very good point as no doubt hers will be much more valuable than his but still part of the estate.

As his wife is an accountant, he perhaps should, if they are still on speaking terms, point out how many thousands of pounds they will throw away needlessly into the hands of already overpaid and underworked solicitors.

Bob

 

[Lons]

I agree 100% with the solicitor sentiment. I'm currently an executor for a friends Will and the solicitors are stringing everything out. Every time they ring me they keep me on the phone clocking up the minutes.

+1

My mother in law is a beneficiary of her cousins estate worth about £120k. She is 87 and there are 4 beneficiarys in total. Straightforward stuff but the solicitors are really milking it and the costs are rising rapidly. He died 6 months ago, the property has been sold and all assets accounted for.
Really p*sses me off to see a full page letter, the content of which could have been said in 2 lines and at a cost of £20 + vat.

Who's kidding who?

Bob

 

[david123]

Thank you guy"s
I'm staggered and grateful for the amount of advice you have passed on. I will be printing out this thread and keeping for future referral. As I mentioned earlier, they are on talking terms and hopefully it can be sorted out amicably.
Grayorm, I understand where you're coming from as I was the executor of my mothers estate, that's that dragged for over a year. Sorted out now through, and yes cost a pretty penny.