Depression

[Mark-numbers]

My Apologies for this one, especially this time of year.

My Father in Law is a 65 year old man who is suffering with a very deep bout of depression.

I am very ignorant of depression, as no one in my family to my knowledge has suffered with it.

Anyway to cut a long story short, my FIL has been a bit of ******* in his life and career, so has very little friends and his family don't care too much for him. But he is my wifes father and I would like to try to understand and perhaps help a little if I can.

Can anyone advise me on what I can do to help or perhaps just help me understand his condition?

Many thanks in advance.

 

[finneyb]

Try this http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Depression ... ction.aspx

Good luck

Brian

 

[niagra]

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Had-Black-D...UTF8&qid=1418935800&sr=1-3&keywords=black+dog

Have a read of this book. It's a condition that is very difficult to understand, as a sufferer myself, it doesn't make sense to me either.

 

[Doris]

Anyway to cut a long story short, my FIL has been a bit of ******* in his life and career, so has very little friends and his family don't care too much for him. But he is my wifes father and I would like to try to understand and perhaps help a little if I can.

Can anyone advise me on what I can do to help or perhaps just help me understand his condition?

I suffer from depression and anxiety. This time of the year is particularly bad for me. Even though I have friends and family the illness does make one really lonely.

If he is lacking friends though has he thought about volunteering? I know of a number of people who have friends now because of volunteering. The fact he is helping a charity may also give him a sense of purpose and achievement.

I volunteer for my local wildlife trust and since I have started there 2 years ago I have gathered many friends and now have a support network. This has given me a sense of purpose and have achieved many things here too. I still suffer from depression but know it will be with me for a long time and I have a network (some of which are fellow sufferers) who understand what I am going through.

 

[Max Power]

I am embarrassed to admit that I was one of those people that thought what have they got to be depressed about etc until the aftermath of a brain injury and the life changes it brought about caused me to suffer it myself
Its the most debilitating illness you can imagine and very difficult to escape from, I felt as though I was in a bottomless pit with no hope of change and it took a long time to get back to any sense of normality, but as Doris has said he needs to force himself to get involved in things and have some form of routine to follow
Good Luck

 

[monkeybiter]

I don't think he'll force himself to do anything if he's severely depressed. My bouts are brief now, and I find knowing they will pass is one thing that keeps it that way. Maybe if he can recognise and accept that it might help.

Fortunately there is a decreasing amount of stigma surrounding mental health these days, it's like a guilty secret everybody's wanted to tell someone.

If you could persuade him to see his doctor he may recieve useful help.

 

[Self Taught]

Mark - numbers,

Never say you are sorry, for trying to understand an ailment, that you, or a loved one, doesn't have. Depression as stated above is very hard to understand, I was diagnosed with it 14 yrs. ago. I keep this secret to myself every day, if you saw me you wouldn't know any different. I have great days and some horrible days, the biggest problem with depression, is it links off of other problems, health, alcohol, and self worth are just a few. I would also recommend a visit to a physician, and possibly a therapist, meds can help a lot, and make things more balanced. Best of luck, I hope we have been a help in some small way. Enjoy your holidays, all my best to you and your family. Jamey

 

[dzj]

Some people suffer from seasonal affective disorder, a type of depression. Experts claim it can be reduced greatly by an increase in the
amount of light in the house.
A visit to the doctor can help, but these days they're all a bit 'pill crazy'.

 

[SammyQ]

The 'Black dog' is a terrible thing, in that there are no outward symptoms and the patient with it is sometimes so 'insulated' against the real world they cannot percieve it as 'normal' people do; skewed thinking or blinkered thinking if you will. I found all the pills and the nice lady you are sent to talk to of little use. Doris hit it on the head, get involved in something new or different, get your FIL out of himself. Give him a broader horizon than his 'norm'; mind you, that means finding something he can get on with, but which he has never experienced before.

Sam

 

[Steve Maskery]

Just be there for him.There is lots of good advice above, as well.

If he can avoid medication, that would be good. Anti-depressants stop one feeling bad, but they do not make one feel good. Just numb. Nothing. At least, that was my experience.If you'd told me I'd won the lottery or had a week to live, my response would have been the same - "Oh yeah? OK."

Doing stuff, anything, really, helps a lot. I volunteer one day a week, and whilst it is no longer as convenient as it was and I don't know how much longer I shall continue,it has helped me a lot. As has doing this workshop build of mine. The hardest part is getting started.

Actually, for me, being mentally ill has had an advantage. If I'd been properly sane and rational, there is no way I would have embarked on such a ridiculous building project, and I'm not trying to be funny. As a result, I shall have a much bigger and better workshop than I would have had if I'd been making sensible decisions.

But just being there for him will be great.

 

[gregmcateer]

Ditto all the above.

We are currently housing my FIL and when he is down, the loud, funny, effervescent and frankly sometimes deeply opinionated and annoying old b@@@@r is nowherre to be seen.

Just give as much time and support and kindness as you possibly can. I am sure everyone would want to avoid longterm medication, but it seems in my limited experience of loved ones, that it may just be the only way. I am sure good therapy and counselling once they are on the mend can also be very helpful.

It may sound trite, but the experience will make you and your wife stronger and more understanding of others.

Best wishes to all of you

Greg

 

[Mark-numbers]

Thanks to all for taking your time to respond

Very difficult to interact with him at the moment - he is acting like a petulant child!

I think trying to get him to volunteer is a great idea - he is retired as he sold his business and perhaps him not having a sense of purpose is causing the depression to be his deepest one yet.

 

[pip1954]

Mark
I have suffered a few bouts of depression I can assure you it is no fun for him, you say he is a petulant child but he just does not know how respond to people I would say get him to see his doctor and YES get him tablets they will help! ( they take about 14 days to start working)He may not know he has any thing wrong I never new I was ILL but my wife new,
I could not see any way forward , counseling does help but it can be a wait to see some one .
You don't say if your mother in law is about if she is she needs to push him to go out and about .
You say he sold his business he maybe fells he has no direction in his life has he got any hobbies if not he needs to find one
he needs help to find his way forward
all the best hope he gets the help he needs
cheers
pip

 

[dc_ni]

I've suffered from depression all my life, back in 2010 I ended up attending a training center that helps people with mental health problems.

For you there is the following:

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-...an-friends-and-family-help/?o=9222#.VJXYNV4io

I see from your post your location is Sutton Coldfield and have found this that might be of help to your FIL:

http://www.birmingham.gov.uk/cs/Sat...092595522&pagename=BCC/Common/Wrapper/Wrapper

Near the bottom of the page is contact details for the over 65's community mental health team

Just be there for him, he might not act like he appreciates it but I know he will be.

 

[lurcher]

i have suffered from it since childhood there is no magic cure for it but the best you can do is be supportiive and listen if he opens up to you just let him no that you care and your there for him and anyone else who is in the same way.
pete

 

[Teepeg]

Just be there for him.

The thing is, he will not want anyone to be there for him .. Sadly another symptom i am afraid ..

 

[Doris]

Very difficult to interact with him at the moment - he is acting like a petulant child!

Care to elaborate?

 

[Mark-numbers]

I unsure why I am sharing this with a forum of people and please it isn't for attention, but more to create an awareness of just how serious depression is.

I decided to help my father in law, spending time with him and taking him to the mental health unit as well as specialist help. I spoke to him on the phone a lot and went round to see him when I could.

This was to no avail at all as he committed suicide a few weeks ago!

Please please please if you do have friends or family that suffer from this and you want to help then, like me get an understanding of what depression is all about and how it affects people in different ways.

Strange thing is, we thought he was getting through it with our help and understanding. This wasn't the case quite clearly.

Not after condolences etc, but more to make you aware of just how serious depression is.

If you suffer from depression, or think you do please get help sooner rather than later.

 

[Random Orbital Bob]

Very sad Mark, very sad indeed. Despite the outcome, I'm glad you persevered in trying to help who was obviously a very troubled man. The advice about getting help is well taken and I think this whole thread shows great honesty and maturity.

 

[RobinBHM]

What terrible news, Im very sorry to hear that. I do hope you and your wife get through what must be awfully difficult time.

I remember the thread from the end of last year, I could never have imagined such a sad outcome. I remember thinking at the time, that the thread showed what a great community exists in this forum.

I have a SIL who suffers, it has made me think more about keeping in touch. Thank you for the advise, taken on board.