When I Rule the World.....

[Russ]

I'd ban underwater yoghurt mining..

 

[PAC1]

Mike

Can you ban IKEA and then we could all make a living and pay your plane tax

 

[Paul.J]

Thank God/Mike i can still wood turn :lol:

 

[woodbloke]

Thank God/Mike i can still wood turn :lol:

...but not for long :wink: - Rob

 

[Paul.J]

Woodbloke wrote

...but not for long

Ah well i can still enjoy my last week

 

[MikeG.]

Oh I wouldn't dream of banning turning! Even the most absolute of absolute dictators needs to rule with sort of equanimity from his/ her subject. You may have to make some adjustments as your electicity supply is removed, but you'll all be grateful for the reduced gym memberships as a result.

Mike

........oh, and Ikea will be banned. Nuked even.

 

[matt]

Nobody just doing the job for which they are contracted will ever be allowed to receive a bonus.

Unless, of course, it's profit related!

 

[MikeG.]

Careful Matt.

Trying to re-word the 10 commandments would have got young Moses into trouble......

 

[wobblycogs]

If I might be so bold as to address King Mike the First...

Good set of proclamations to start with although I think you have been a bit generous to the politicians. Personally I think I'd start by chopping the heads of all the current politicians (or feeding them to dinosaurs if Mr Fixit can spare them) and then maybe allowing the appointment of a new 100 or so.

I'd also ban huge salaries and make companies instead invest in R&D / growth.

 

[big soft moose]

I would immediately introduce a worldwide policy of one child per couple this would very quickly have a positive effect on all the problems caused by population explosion

but we dont want to have children - you cant make us have little blighters thats barbaric

 

[big soft moose]

When I rule the world (following the bloody coup in which king mike the first is removed by a rampaging mob of turners who want their electicity turned back on and they want it now)

I will simplify all laws and building regs to the point where they can be understood by the man in the street without recourse to highly paid experts.

All the now unemployed architects, lawyers, and consultants that this creates will be forcibly conscripted into the army and sent to invade alpha centuri (but without enough fuel to get back)

Advertising will be banned, people can buy or not buy as they choose (the kylie agent provocateur ad, and anything featuring megan fox will be exempted from this ban)

the extra air time that this (and the removal of drivel of all sorts from our screens) presents will be used for the airing of woodworking documentaries - steve maskery will be appointed as minister for televisual affairs to oversee this.

Anyone purporting to be a woodworker who owns less than four planes will be sent on a compulsory reducation weekend (overseen by waka and nibbo)

following king mike's religious purge a new religion will be created dedicated to the worship of moose.

and finally anyone found trolling on internet forums will be hung up by their knackers in a public place as an example to others.

 

[MikeG.]

I'm watching you Moose...........I'm watching you veeeeeeeeeerrry carefully!

-

Guns and fences. I'm having a big think about these. Guns seems sure to be banned, but somehow I just need the good guys (ie my army) to hang on to theirs.

Fences. Hmmmm. The repercussion of removing all fences from the face of the planet is that complete anarchy could ensue, and to have some chance of controlling everything, I don't wan't complete anarchy. Partial anarchy would be quite good. I do want to alter the animal/ human balance in the medium term, so removing the barriers after removing the guns could liven things up a bit. But fences is still WIP. I'll come back to it later.

 

[big soft moose]

Guns seems sure to be banned, but somehow I just need the good guys (ie my army) to hang on to theirs.
.

that's all right the underground moosist resistance will just get their arms the same way the partisans did in yugoslavia (by taking them from the still warm bodies of the oppresor forces )

 

[MikeG.]

That's why I'm still thinking about it!

-

Underground mooses?

 

[big soft moose]

That's why I'm still thinking about it!

-

Underground mooses?

yep - they had to go underground to hide from the dinosaurs - and have thus evolved to have foldable antlers

 

[Jake]

I will simplify all laws and building regs to the point where they can be understood by the man in the street without recourse to highly paid experts.

When you say man on the street, which man on the street do you mean?

 

[big soft moose]

I will simplify all laws and building regs to the point where they can be understood by the man in the street without recourse to highly paid experts.

When you say man on the street, which man on the street do you mean?

Me

that aside I know that many men (and women) in the street are as stupid as four short planks glued together with stupid glue but my point was that many regulations and legislations are now so complex that even the experts arent sure what they mean without consulting even more expert consultants

for example i work in rights of way and the rights of way legislation (notably the 1949 access to the countryside act, the 1968 countryside act, the 1988 roads and traffic act, the 2000 countryside and rights of way act, and the 2006 natural environments and rural comunities act) is now so complex that i have to frequently consult our legal department before answering public querries - and I have to ask myself whether all this paper, and related paper pushing is really required to have a footpath/bridleway/byway network - IMO there must be an easier way less stranngled in red taoe

 

[Jake]

that aside I know that many men (and women) in the street are as stupid as four short planks glued together with stupid glue

Not necessarily what I meant, but you seem to be developing a semblance of a code.

Are they expected to understand English?

 

[big soft moose]

that aside I know that many men (and women) in the street are as stupid as four short planks glued together with stupid glue

Not necessarily what I meant, but you seem to be developing a semblance of a code.

Are they expected to understand English?

no the english language will be mangulated into moosespeak, in which all forms of legalese and nit picking will be considered "double plus ungood" and quite likely to be greeted by inartculate bellows followed by a charge and impalement of the practioner on improbably large antlerage

 

[Tony Spear]

Everyone left would be issued a little spear

Good Lord!

I'm going to be pretty bloody busy then! :shock: