The dreaded Virgin "Helpline"

[selectortone]

My Tivo box has been slowly dying over the last month or so. I have read all the relevant topics on the Virgin forum (and there are a LOT), and tried all the "remedies" ad nauseam, but today it finally gave up the ghost.

So, with heavy heart (been here before...) I called the dreaded Virgin "help" line. After navigating the many button presses necessary to get through to a human being, and then enduring the moronic music they assault you with while you wait interminably, here is how, eventually, the conversation went:

Virgin (sounding like they are down the end of a long tunnel): Hello, what is the nature of your problem?

Me: I have been having problems with my Tivo box for a couple of months. It is freezing during live play and recordings and yesterday it wouldn't wake from standby and I had to restart it. Today it did the same thing, I restarted it, but now it says "Starting Up" on the TV and has been like that for the last 20 minutes.

Virgin: OK, OK, OK.... have you tried restarting the Tivo

Me: Yes (me thinks "WTF?? Didn't I just tell you that??)

Virgin: OK. OK. OK... and do you see any error messages on the TV?

Me: It says "Starting Up" and has done for 20 minutes (Thinks: I just effin' told you that!!)

Virgin: OK, OK, OK... have you tried restarting it?

Me: (slightly raised voice) YES!

Virgin: OK, OK, OK... and did you get any error messages?

Me: Yes!! It says "Starting Up" and has done for the last 20 minutes!! (more like 40 minutes by now...)

Virgin: OK, OK, OK... 20 minutes?? That's a long time!

Me: (sighs) Yeah tell me about it...

Virgin: ...and what error message do you get now?

Me: (sighs deeply) it says "Starting Up"

Virgin: With a red clock next to it?

Me: Yes

Virgin OK, OK, OK... your Tivo box is faulty

Me: (thinks) Wow... genius....

.... and we proceed to arrange an engineers visit. Which is what I wanted all along.

This is what we have descended to in 2016. The brave new world my Dad and Grandad fought two world wars for. And what I pay seventy freaking pounds a month for. I feel like slashing my wrists.

 

[selectortone]

I read a science fiction story when I was a teenager, back in the 1960s, about a future utopia where, in the interests of "fairness" everyone was reduced to the intellectual level of the dullest, most stupid of their fellow citizens. Brighter individuals has to wear a device that made loud noises in their ears at regular intervals to disrupt any clever thoughts they might be having. Episodes like my conversation with Virgin customer service remind me of that story.

My brave new world is reduced to Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Jeremy Corbyn and I'm-a-strictly-bakeoff-celebrity-apprentice. Get me out of here! I can't even moan to the missus any more because she went and died on me eleven years ago. The kids have flown the nest and the cat isn't a good listener. So I'm reduced to mostly unreplied to internet rants to let off steam. What a world.

Thanks for listening. (And apologies for any gibberish, this tablet has a mind of its own. At least somebody does...)

 

[devonwoody]

It was very dissapointing to learn of your experience with that lovely and friendly service company Virgin, I saw an advert at the weekend, Vodaphone and there quote was less than virgin cable, so I also endured 35 minutes of computer generated music (with a pillow laying over my hand phone) but it was worth it. I got a reduction on price and uncapping of my broadband. Virging gave me back my £10 monthly loyalty discount plus a further £4.

And I have always got Vodaphone who are interested in getting my business if Virgin get hungry again.

Dont use TV cable , the old fashioned way with a Humax gets me some broadband and I have got around 500 hours of recorded tv to watch if UK workshop bar me from here.

 

[John Brown]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harrison_Bergeron
Was this it, by any chance?

 

[selectortone]

Yes, that's it! Thank you so much, I had forgotten the author - and Vonnegut too, one of my favourites. I'll have to revisit it.

 

[John Brown]

We have virgin for broadband and phone. I have found their operators vary. One was very polite and helpful, one was insultingly patronising, and I lost my cool, and had to explain that, in a previous life, I was involved in the design and programming of test equipment for cable installations, and probably knew 50 times more about the technology than he did. Didn't help...

 

[transatlantic]

OK OK OK .... Have you tried turning it off and then back on again?

 

[rafezetter]

Well I have to say a big TY for the nudge - I've been a virgin customer since 2009 and had basically fallen into the trap of paying the bill without even looking at it. So I looked at it just now and learned that the £10 loyalty discount I was getting in previous years has shrunk to just £3, having never left virgin. Naturally I called them and thankfully got an english person on the phone, who once I'd explained things seemed to be genuinly taken aback at how that had changed, and was apologetic about the fact all she could offer me was and additional £3 reduction.

Ofc I asked her why it took a phone call to get this and she said it "was policy". So I asked her what my bill would be to drop the landline - current cost £19.99 pm - she said it would reduce my monthly bill by.... wait for it..... £7. Not £19.99, just £7.

I asked her why that was the case and she said she didn't know - I said I did, gouging. I asked her how much my bill would drop by lowering my XL TV package to the L - with the loss of mostly channels I don't even watch and no HD channels .... just £2.

It was at that point she said that she could offer me a new 12 month contract £9 cheaper than my current one - oddly equal to the combined reduction by dropping both the landline and the XL > L.

To which I replied, "so you're telling me I can have a new 12 month contract of the same services for £9 less, or drop both services for £9 less and then probably leave in a couple of months?" she said if I changed my package that's considered a "new package" and therefore subject to 12 months either way.

By now she's saying platitudes like "some staff do wonder why new customers get better deals than loyal ones..." and "dropping the landline should save you £20".

I said I wish I could go in front of the board and tell them they would not have to keep doing this sort of thing and getting the poor reputation for it if they were just straight with people.

I said I'd take the "new package" saving £9 per month and we went through the usual formal acceptance etc and I was just about to say goodbye when she said "as you've been a loyal customer so long I'm going to apply a £50 loyalty credit, and thank you for staying with virgin"

I said to her maybe she should have lead with that and she said she wasn't allowed, but at least the upside is I've saved £158 over the next 12 months.... assuming they don't put the prices up again.

If you have virgin I'd check into it.

 

[Phil Pascoe]

OK OK OK .... Have you tried turning it off and then back on again?

And percussive maintenance?

 

[RogerS]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harrison_Bergeron
Was this it, by any chance?

If you really want to feel depressed then watch the film 'Idiocrasy'.