Doing a loft extension at mine currently. Monday. Mrs wakes me up at midnight (which takes some doing). There's someone on the scaffold! I'm a bit bleary. F*** Me. I wake up a bit sharpo. Pull me gear on, stuff a hammer down the back of my strides and grab the oar by the front door my boy and me found by the river. Don't ask why I grabbed an oar, it was to hand. I get outside and this fellas up there and he's tapping away on his mobile. As you do.
I ask the fella to come down. (read that how you will) He comes down. WTF are you doing? Straight face now he looks at me. Just went up there to look at the view. I'm raging here you got to understand. My kids are in the house. Sorry sorry hes going as I'm in his face.
Nah.
The mist comes. No more words. I grab him by the throat, he stumbles back over some gear and I still have the paddle in my hand. Should have dropped it and got hold him with two hands but I've only been up 5 minutes from my bed. He's off on his bike that I hadn't seen. I have enough time to run and swing the oar with enough force to break the oar. How he never come off that bike I don't know. He looks back in panic. I'm stood in the road like a psycho roaring 'come back and I'll kill ya'. And I meant it. I would have. Police phone back, give them details. Yada Yada.
F*** This. I get in my van and go looking for him. Nothing of course.
On my way back I meet the police van. Have a chat. Nice guys and understanding. Ignored the oar on the passenger seat. And I ignored them ignoring it. They knew what was up.
With a day to reflect I'm glad really. Could have gone worse. This fella is not coming back to my house unless he's a nutcase. He knows I'm waiting and he knows I'm willing. On the other hand if I had got hold of him, I know I would not have stopped. My blood was up. I could be down the local station today facing charges of aggravated assault gbh etc. How does that work? Madness. Don't try to break into my house and I won't have to get out of bed at 12 to defend it.
On the other hand there is a part of me, the dark part but there nonetheless that aches that I didn't seriously damage this fella. Put him on his back for months. Thieving scrote. Makes my fingers curl even now.
Life. It's a fine line.