Joke Thread 4

[Alex H]

 

[Alex H]

 

[Sachakins]

Would it work as a glue?

Yes, but not waterproof!

 

[Fidget]

Shudder!

 

[Doug B]

 

[Noel]

^^^Whisper it......

 

[cmoops2]

"We lived in 'ole in road!" That can't be right I thought ole's in road wer'a modern thing

'ole in road, 'ole in road! - did it have a lid ?

 

[woodhutt]

At last I've found a plumber who'll work around the clock...

 

[dzj]

 

[Amateur]

There must be a catch somewhere?

 

[Daniel2]

There must be a catch somewhere?
View attachment 166368

Stuart ?

 

[Amateur]

Stuart ?

Are you asking him if he has £250,000?
Or knows anyone who has or indeed ever would have?

 

[Alex H]

 

[Ozi]

View attachment 166373

Brings back an old memory. Never let your 7 year old son carry two tins of paint through a car park....Ask my wife how she knows.

 

[Jaco]

Little Johhny​

Little Johnny keeps asking his dad for a television in his bedroom, but his parents keep refusing to buy him one.
After months of nagging, his father agrees to buy a telly for his room, to shut him up.
Several night later Johnny comes downstairs from his bedroom and asks, "Dad, what's Love,Juice?''.
Dad is horrified, and after looking at mum, who's also gob smacked, he procedes to tell his son the whole facts of life, warts and all.
Johnny now sits on the sofa with his mouth open in amazement.
Dad asks, "So, what is it you've been watching on TV son?".
Johnny replies, "Wimbledon!!".

 

[Jaco]

Ethel​

Ethel is a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loves to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.

Because the poor woman is one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerate her, and some of the males actually join in.

One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "STOP!", he said in a firm voice.
"Have you got a license for that thing?" Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.

As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted,
"STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?"
Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a beer coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said, "Carry on, ma'am."

As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, stark naked.
"Oh, no" said Ethel, "Not the breathalyser again!"

 

[Doug B]

 

[Myfordman]

 

[The_Yellow_Ardvark]

 

[The_Yellow_Ardvark]