A bright prosperous & healthy year ahead.


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Is that chisel shar ... Ow
14 Mar 2013
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As tradition and Norse Pagan dogma demand, I have been preparing the New Years Day Breakfast, Cold Smoked Salmon on slightly burnt Brioche toast with Eggs Benedict and 2 rashers of home smoked bacon and a very big mug of Tea. As our local Druid taught us in Saucery 101, I first emptied last nights teapot onto the finest of white melamine saucers and read the tea leaves followed by reading the fine print in the salmon giblets. It's not all good news I'm afraid.
According to the giblets:
There is to be a plague of MDF so big that all the builders merchants are going to go bankrupt as the prices go through the floor and people just get what they need by popping outside catch and what they want as it falls in sheets from the sky.

Boris is to be ousted in February by the right wing extremist MRMDF fundamentalist cult the FOG (Festool Owners Group) as they panic over the ever growing scarcity and price of a Rotex and Kapex and see their chances of owning one slip away.

As the tyranny of the FOG increases during the year a resistance army will slowly form, the Middle of Lidl Fighters (MILFs) who will meet up every Thusrday to see if, along with their sometimes allies the oft maligned All Lumber Deserves Inlay (ALDI), can in fact overcome the insidiously medieval propaganda of the newly appointed Minister of Sharpening Tips Using Push-sticks In Dangerous Instances Towards Yourself known by and referred to only by his Codename, Jocabeous.

The freedom loving woodworkers of the world will look on in horror as the FOG force everyone to measure once and cut twice just so the land sings the song of the KAPEX while people hang precariously from wobbly weights balanced on homemade push-sticks when using their saws in line with the new diktat of the Ministry of STUPIDITY.

As the year comes to a close, the down trodden real proper wood woodworkers the anarchist group known as the Vertias Appreciation Team (VAT) will sharpen their felling axes (after much heated debate and demands for someone to hold their coat) on the inside thigh of a Cornish white bearded mystic (if they can find it) called Phil the Pasty and battle the evil Jocabeous and the FOG in a Six Board chest challenge.

Will they win? I don't know, I can't afford another salmon with the prices as they are due to Brexit and all.

I wish one and all a very happy, healthy and prosperous year ahead.


Established Member
19 Feb 2015
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North Cumbria
What, no mention of the sandal wearing traditional woodworkers who have yet to discover electricity but produce some of the finest woodworking around!

And is christmas not the time of year that FOG open their systainers and let the contents see the light of day and take them out to decorate the house with hoping someone may look on in awe!


Established Member
4 Oct 2020
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May your marking be sharp

Your planing be fine

Your cutting once

your dovetails tight

Your finish perfect

Happy new year!!!