sorry you didn't get my sense of hunour.
I'll be more serious now - primise
I am too a big fan of Norm
I have also worked in my dining room at one time as that is all the space I had.
places like B&q will cut to size, some woodyards will do a few cuts for free so you can get it in your car to get home.
I used a black and decker workmate with a circular saw screwed to a piece of plywood as my table saw.
with the fence on my router I clamped the fence in the workmate and had an overhead table router.
a biscuit jointer can be had for less than £50 these days, but I used to use a hand power drill and dowels.
a jig saw is your band saw etc etc
its all doable with not much stuff and space, just a little thinking is involved. straight edges and jigs can turn hand power tools into very versatile machines !
as for forum members - you may be surprised at how helpfull some will be.
a lot are retired and working for pleasure, and so the work and the company of someone with similar interests is enjoyable.