Quick Joke (Adult)

[Chris By The River]

Some years ago, Paddy married an attractive woman, Maggie, half his age, in a small coastal Irish community.

After several months, Maggie complained that she had never climaxed
during sex and according to her Grandmother all Irish women are
entitled to a climax once in a while.

So, to resolve the problem, they went to see the Veterinarian since there was no trustworthy doctor anywhere in the village.

The Vet didn't have a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot summer, his mother and father would fan with a big towel, a cow that was having difficulty breeding .

This would cool her down and make her relax. So the Vet told them to hire a strong, virile young man to wave a big towel over them while they were having sex.

This, the Vet said, would cause the young wife to cool down, relax, then climax.

So the couple hired a strong young man from Dublin to wave that big
towel over them as the Vet suggested.

After many efforts, Maggie still had not climaxed so they went back to the Vet.

The Vet said for her to change partners and let the young man have sex with her while Paddy waved the big towel.

They tried it that night and Maggie went into wild, screaming, ear-
splitting climaxes, one right after the other for about two and a half
hours.

When it was over, Paddy looked down at the exhausted young man and in
a boasting voice said:

'And that, me son, is how ya waves a fekkin' towel!' :lol:

 

[Derek Willis.]

Here's a good one,
Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway.
But, as time went by, the traffic
Slowly built up at an alarming rate.
The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his
Chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.

So one day Farmer John called the sheriff's office
And said, "You've got to do something about all
Of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."



"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.
"I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!"
So the next day he had the county workers
Go out and erected a sign that said:

SLOW:
SCHOOL CROSSING


Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff
And said, "You've got to do something about these drivers.
The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster."
So, again, the sheriff sends out the county
Workers and they put up a new sign:
SLOW:
CHILDREN AT PLAY







That really sped them up. So Farmer John called
And called and called every day for three weeks.
Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are
Doing no good.. Can I put up my own sign?"
The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign.."
He was going to letFarmer John do just about
Anything in order to get him to stop calling everyday to complain.


The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John.
Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the
Sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John a call.
"How's the problem with those drivers.
Did you put up your sign?"


"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been
Killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy."
He hung up the phone.
The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to
Himself, "I'd better go out there and take a
Look at that sign... It might be something that
WE could use to slow down drivers..."

So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John's house,
And his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign.
It was spray painted on a sheet of wood....

NUDIST COLONY

Go slow and watch out for chicks!





Keep Smiling...........


Derek.

 

[Grinding One]

A salesman was driving in the country one day looking for and address and got passed by a Chicken.He sped up and got along side of this bird,but the Chicken sped up too.He gave it more gas,now doing 50 mph and the Chicken took off around a turn in the road and left the guy in the dust.
He stopped at the next farmhouse to enquire about these Chickens.Hello sir,did you see a Chicken go by here?Yep!They go by all the time....Well how can they run so fast?Well you see they are hybreds,My wife likes chicken legs,my boy likes chicken legs and I do too .But there are only 2 legs on the chicken so I bred them to have 3 legs!Well how do they taste? I do not know,I have not been able to catch one yet.

 

[bobscarle]

Heres a joke that always cracks me up, appologies if you have seen it before.

I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Winalot in Tesco and was standing in the queue at the till. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned.

I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the road licking my balls and a car hit me.

Bob