How to REALLY embarrass yourself...

[SammyQ]

Its the weekend, we all need a Mickey-take, right? So here's me taking the uric acid out of myself...

Scenario:
I went to my GP with knee pain and she - after an x-ray - said: "osteo-arthritis, two of three joint compartments compromised; new knee inside 10 years, go see the physio's in the meantime"... :shock:
One week later, intensive exam by physios plural: " great knee, strong joint. ..what the hell IS going on though?"...40 mins of bending and eliminating possibilities later, one of the physioterrorists mused out loud..."you know that big nerve on the outside of the knee? " Other one nodded and said "this one?"/pressed HARD...when I stopped yelling, they giggled and said "no new knee, but you need to stretch the nerve sheath, same as for sciatica".
Now, I had informed the family of metal knee/bionic Dad as originally diagnosed, as SWMBO has medical probs, and one of them needed to step up while I got Darth Vader's spare part, so it was with vast relief that I quickly texted " No titanium, just perineal nerve squeezed..."
Now, dear reader, that was the wrong spelling...do YOU know where your perineum is? No, nowhere near your knee! (Its nerve is the "peroneal")...did I tell you my two daughters-in-law, who recieved both texts, are a dentist and a trainee vet?
Sam
PS I am firmly blaming Boots Hearing Care for maladjustment of my hearing aids...I misheard the physio's... :wink:

 

[Noel]

..physioterrorist...

LOL.

Glad it came to nothing Sammy.
I daresay you were seen quicker than in this place, think we're top of the league tables without our you know whats on the hill.

 

[Steve Maskery]

Brilliant!
When I was at university, a very, very long time ago, a (female, first year) medic friend, said, in the hearing of far too many people, in the course of a conversation about anatomy, after someone mentioned the word "scrotum"...

..."Now I should know where that is, but I just can't put my finger on it".

Yes, really.

 

[Sheffield Tony]

A university friend of mine was taken to hospital after a painful collision whilst goal keeping at football. When the woman who took him (she was Finnish, in her defence) returned on her own to college, she announced "He's cracked his scrotum !" All men present winced for a while, until one asked "how do you crack your scrotum ?" After a bit more discussion, it turned out the word she was looking for was sternum. "You mean his sternum ... Oh, thats's ok then" :lol:

 

[SammyQ]

Good to be among friends...
Sam

 

[AES]

As I meet one twice a week, I love "Physioterrorists" Sammy. I must tell her next Tuesday, thanks!

 

[Student]

Whilst I was at college, I was walking behind a couple of friends who were talking about braces. I caught up and said that I wore them from time to time as I found them very comfortable. As it happened, they were talking about bras!

 

[Shaggy]

My brother-in-law has been on a short break to London and bought an Oyster card for the undergound, He kept swiping the card over the machine and nothing was happening. An underground worker asked if he needed any help to which my brother-in-law replied "I just bought this Oyster card and the bloody things not working!". The underground worker replied "But sir that's your hotel key card." (hammer) :lol: :lol:

 

[Phil Pascoe]

I noticed a bloke working at the same place started to take a certain very fit young lady home. I knew him to talk to and one morning I couldn't resist asking. Are you *****ing her? If you're not, you ought to be - she's very, very good and easy enough (I was a lot younger then ). He glowered at at me. No I'm not, he said. Why would I want the sleep with my brother's wife? (hammer)

 

[selectortone]

My daughter bought me a wooly hat for my birthday last year. It had a large white label inside, which I thought was sewn in by the manufacturer. Should have looked closer. First day out with it I went shopping at Lidl. It was quite warm inside and after five minutes or so I took the hat off and stuffed it in my jacket. As I was walking round I noticed a number of people looking at me rather quizzically. After fifteen minutes or so I felt an itch on my forehead and on scratching it found the the label from my hat was stuck on my forehead. Oof.

Gave my daughter a laugh when I got home though...

 

[TFrench]

He glowered at at me. No I'm not, he said. Why would I want the sleep with my brother's wife? (hammer)

I bet he was :lol:

 

[RogerS]

..."no new knee, but you need to stretch the nerve sheath, same as for sciatica".
.....

Have you been using knee pads a lot lately, Sammy ? Did you get any foot drop? I have a vested interest to hear your answer !

 

[gwaithcoed]

Years ago we had a new nurse start at our colliery and she was a looker even more so in her nurses uniform. A group of us, fitters and electricians, were waiting for the paddy train to take us out and were discussing her attributes, and I leave you to guess what they were when along came the training officer. "who are we talking about" he said and we went on to tell him our feeling about the new nurse and how good she was. " She's even better in bed" he said. "Why how do you know?" we all said, " cos I slept with her several times" he said " it's my wife"

 

[SammyQ]

No to knee pads Roger. No to foot drop either. This problem has been nagging away for some months and the problem is, when I sit to drive for more than 30 minutes, the pain increases to maybe 7 out of a possible 10. No 1 child is a ninety minute run, up in Beddinburgh, No 3 is 5 hours away in Brizzell.. :?
Sam, getting older and tattier...