Amazing discovery - now includes foolproof mayo recipe

[Random Orbital Bob]

Right then...bit off the beaten woody track this but.....

for those of you who enjoy a decent hamburger rather than the soggy excuses the chains sell then I discovered a fabulous sauce at the weekend that I thought I'd share because it really was ruddy delicious. Still smacking my chops from the Barby in fact.

It's not unlike a Rose Marie type sauce for seafood but simply hedged in the direction BBQ.

2 egg yolk home made Mayo. Bit of lemon juice and don't season until after the oil has caused the mayo to thicken. If you've never made proper home made mayo, do yourself a favour, YT it and do it, it's a trillion times better than the congealed, anaemic "sperm" you buy in jars.

2 x heaped TBLSP of that
1 x heaped TBLSP regular tom ketchup
1 x TSP chipotle tobacco (must be the chipotle trust me)
smidge of Worcestershire
salt n pepper (don't be shy)
smidge of white wine vinegar
smidge of scotch or brandy
good fistful of very finely chopped iceberg lettuce with the flaccid outer leaves removed (wants to be crispy)

mix it all together then add the very finely chopped iceberg lettuce.

To make the burger just simply buy mince or get your butcher to mince some chuck steak (25% fat to give flavour and baste) and form the pattys in your hand. Press them together and they wont fall apart on the grill. Make it as big as you like and marginally bigger than the bun because it will shrink back a little in diameter with the grilling.

Grill them on screaming hot BBQ grill to sear the outside and don't turn too soon...a good 4 minutes or so. Carefully turn and baste with mustard...return and baste the other side with mustard (a mild one not English). Then and only then season or the salt will help to remove too much moisture. Add your cheese slices (Cheddar, red Leicester, blue cheese ,whatever floats your boat) so they melt on to the meat. Toast your bun (inside only of course ie on the grill just before serving) then assemble. Toasting the bun really makes a difference so don't skip that apparently trivial step.

Good layer of the BBQ Mayo
the burger
whatever else you like....I BBQ onions and slices of those monster beef toms and put those on and then a few slices of Gherkin shopped up. Sometimes I'll wack some mushrooms on.

That thing is about 5 inches tall by the time you've finished and oozing delicious juices. Don't wear your best bib and tucker when tucking into it or you'll be covered in goo. A truly stupendously delicious treat that more than justifies the about 1 hour prep that goes into it.

I can't claim credit for it cos its basically Jamie's recipe but its the first time I've tried it and it was spectacular.

 

[Phil Pascoe]

Chipotle Tabasco, surely?

 

[marcros]

Chipotle Tabasco, surely?

i have just discovered this, and am a huge fan. not easy to get hold of in my usual shopping places, although the big tescos have it.

 

[Phil Pascoe]

My favourite ingredient/condiment is "Healthy boy" brand mushroom soy. Unfortunately the only local place that sold it shut. I'll have to get some mail order. Half and half mushroom soy and sweet chilli on prawns - wonderful.

 

[Steve Maskery]

Can someone please tell me how I am supposed to eat a burger that is 5" tall? It's a serious q. I'm into burgers/sausages/meatballs at the mo and I see lots of recipes for stacked burgers, but I really don't understand how one is supposed to eat them. I can't just pick it up in my hands and take a bite out, can I?

I've booked a flight to USA for later this year. I'm going to visit a penfriend I've never actually met, though we've Skyped every week for about the last ten years. It will be six years since the balloon went up domestically and I've not had a holiday, beyond Youth Hostels, since then. I can't afford it, not sustainably, but you're a long time dead, so I've booked it anyway.

He is a foodie too and I've told him I want to learn to make the ultimate American hamburger. So no pressure, Dave.

 

[Zeddedhed]

Can someone please tell me how I am supposed to eat a burger that is 5" tall? It's a serious q. I'm into burgers/sausages/meatballs at the mo and I see lots of recipes for stacked burgers, but I really don't understand how one is supposed to eat them. I can't just pick it up in my hands and take a bite out, can I?

I've booked a flight to USA for later this year. I'm going to visit a penfriend I've never actually met, though we've Skyped every week for about the last ten years. It will be six years since the balloon went up domestically and I've not had a holiday, beyond Youth Hostels, since then. I can't afford it, not sustainably, but you're a long time dead, so I've booked it anyway.

He is a foodie too and I've told him I want to learn to make the ultimate American hamburger. So no pressure, Dave.

It's not that hard really. You simply have to get the mindset right. If you're concerned about appearing dignified and proper whilst eating said burger then you're gonna struggle.

If on the other hand you are prepared to be seen as a half starved dog then just get stuck in. You'll end up with bits and drips and stuff all over the place, and if you sport a beard then you'll be finding remnants of the feast for weeks to come. But if it tastes as good as Random says (and it sounds pretty chuffin' awesome) then who cares what you look like.

 

[Steve Maskery]

LOL
But really, 5"? I know I have a big mouth which has got me into trouble on more than one occasion in my life, but even I can't manage a 5" bite.
Does one dismantle it first or does one get one's butler to carve it into petit-fours-sized pieces?

 

[Zeddedhed]

I'd get the Butler to hold up a 'modesty screen' (tea-towel) and just munch away, aka Miliband Bacon Sarnie style. The get Jeeves to rustle you up another one.

 

[Phil Pascoe]

We had one in North Shore rugby club in Auckland. About 12" with a stick down through the middle. three baps, three steaks, three burgers, three gammons, three eggs, beetroot (all Kiwi burgers have beetroot), cheese and salad. If you ate one upright in ten minutes you got $NZ50 and a free one. At the time (c. 17yrs ago) it cost the equivalent of about £2.70. It fed five adults and three children. My bil bet me I couldn't eat one, but we were flying back that evening and I couldn't face a 26hr flight with indigestion. I'm stupid, but not not that ******* stupid.

 

[devonwoody]

Steve, put it in your end vice and make it pancake thickness, that's what a clever cabinet maker would do.
or something along those lines.

 

[Random Orbital Bob]

Just read the comments this morning...laughed out loud

Steve....without getting too technical...just squash with your fingers (make sure the juices drop somewhere collectible so you mop them up later) and "attack". It's like Zed said......it aint gunna be pretty but for this one occasion...we'll excuse you. If you're just so dam posh you cant suffer for your art, cut it in half first but whatever you do....don't dismantle....that would be sacrilege. My God you'll be drinking Australian reds next!!!!

 

[Random Orbital Bob]

Steve, put it in your end vice and make it pancake thickness, that's what a clever cabinet maker would do.
or something along those lines.

That's it...that's the technical version of squashing with your fingers!

 

[artie]

So how about a recipe for home made mayo then.?

 

[Droogs]

Surely as a woodworker, wouldn't one use his hand fret saw to create mouth sized morsels and the tongue iron from a T&G moulding plane as a fork to pick it up :twisted:

 

[Random Orbital Bob]

So how about a recipe for home made mayo then.?

I knew this would come up!!!

OK, now, this is hard won and something of a family secret because home made mayo can be a bit of a pig if you get it wrong (the eggs either fail to emulsify or it splits during the combining of the oil). Over many many years I have researched, tested and generally messed with dozens of different methods and this one gives me the most consistent results.

If you follow my steps to the letter it's a copper bottomed guarantee it will work. You wont get that from Gordon flippin' Ramsey!!

The critical factors are:

- Eggs must be fresh (go and buy them for this recipe or pluck from the nest if you keep your own birds)
- use decent quality eggs, makes all the difference as vibrant sunset orange yolks are infinitely preferable to the pathetic yellow runny sludge that comes from caged birds
- NEVER add the salt BEFORE the mixture has thickened
- Always add lemon juice before because it is an antioxidant which just helps keep everything together.

that said here goes:

1) separate 2 eggs yolks and stick them in a round bowl large enough to get an electric whisk into but not so large they spread too thinly on the bottom. I get a tea towel and use it to jack up one side of the bowl so its tipping towards me. That creates a puddling effect of the runny yolk mix so when you start adding the oil its in one place and the beaters mix it properly.
2) add juice of half a lemon keeping the pips at bay
3) get your whisk (you can do this with a hand whisk but much like sharpening on an oil stone...it hurts!) and gently blend the lemon and yolks
4) get a good bottle of "neutral" oil. I find grapeseed is best but regular vegetable is fine. Don't use olive oil as its a bit viscous and it will leave a particular flavour. The idea is you want to flavour the mayo with your after market ingredients, not in the foundation, hence the neutral oil.
5) CRITICAL STEP...start whisking with bowl tipped to give you your little puddle and add a small drizzle of oil. Blend it in so its all one colour. Keep dong this with small amounts of oil and eventually you'll notice the liquid start to thicken. If you add the oil too fast or too much at a time, its all over and the eggs wont emulsify. Keep adding whisking adding whisking adding a little at a time (takes about 5 minutes in total) until the mix starts to take on a thicker creamy consistency....like mayo in fact Now, the more oil you add, the thicker it will get...so add till it's how you want it.
6) Season now (after it's thickened so the salt doesn't interfere with the delicate eggs at their fragile stage earlier). Season well with a good pinch of salt and pepper, crushed garlic if that's your bag too. I don't use garlic for the burger sauce.
7) Final step, use 2 very heaped tblsp of this mayo in your burger sauce recipe. (I tend to double up to be honest to feed a family of 4).

I've made mayo in a blender before where you drizzle the oil through the top hole and I get mixed results. The secret seems to be to add the oil and stop...mix like crazy so its completely blended....add more oil stop...mix like crazy...rinse...repeat.

Sounds tricky...isn't. Taste....off the chart and its the foundation for a billion different flavoured sauces, dips etc which once you've made you'll never buy Hellman's again.

 

[NickWelford]

Just as an addendum, the egg whites freeze very well and can be used for meringues or something at a later date. I freeze them individually in silicone cupcake baking trays, turn them out when frozen and store in a ziploc bag. Easier than freezing in a single lump, as you can remove one at a time as needed.

Do we need an epicure/recipe forum here?

 

[Phil Pascoe]

It would go well with an Australian red wine forum.

 

[Random Orbital Bob]

I tell you something I've noticed about wood workers (in fact engineering mind-sets generally). They DO detail ie they understand the importance of one detailed step before another and they get that you need to care to get it right. And that correct tools make a difference to the outcome. So I've found that if they are interested, wood workers make ruddy good cooks

 

[Steve Maskery]

Well I should hope so. I didn't get this shape on Pot Noodles, you know.
S

PS I have a soda-bread loaf in the oven.

 

[Random Orbital Bob]

gimme the recipe Steve

My brother has become so anal about bread making that he keeps a "live" yeast mix on the go all the time. He made soda bread week before last when my Missus was in hospital and he was looking after the kids as I did daily trips there. They absolutely love it as we all do. Home baked bread is in a league of its own compared to shop bought...exactly the same as home made mayo in point of fact.