Fly Quantas!

[Digit]

This may ring a few bells for Niki as well.

That magic Oz humour!

Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high
school diploma to fix one, but never let it be said that ground crews
lack a sense of humor.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe
Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form,
and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots
(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
maintenance engineers.*

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had
an accident.
(That should read 'Serious Accident!')

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
Descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing. (Loved this one!)
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Roy.

 

[BigShot]

Thanks for that, Roy.

As I tend to with these things, I had a quick look on Snopes and found the following page which includes some that tend to be missing from recent versions of your post.

http://www.snopes.com/travel/airline/squawk.asp

Have a read about their view on whether it's all real (for those who don't want to read it, it's "hard to verify but could be a mix of real and fictional ones, or just good humour")

 

[Digit]

From my time as a works engineer I know that that sort of thing happens, whether that example is true, I know not, but I have seen many similar.

Roy.

 

[BigShot]

I'll take that as a good vouch for truth
Either way it's very funny.

 

[hivez]

I used to work as a civilian technician on RAF Tornados, for a laugh we drew a switch on one of the blanking panels in the cockpit and labelled it "cloaking device" (an invisible shield used by the Klingons in Star Trek). When the RAF test pilot brought it back after its intial fight after we had had in bits for the last 3 months he wrote in the servicing log book "cloaking device fails to engage"

 

[Digit]

:lol: :lol:

Roy.